Wanting to Start a Conversation

So what do you all think about the accumulation of wealth? Hugh Nibley and C.S. Lewis have much to say on the topic that is very thought-provoking. However, neither of these men were actually leaders in any organized church, just very deep thinkers.

Obviously my thoughts are coming from the recent release of Mr. Romney's tax statements, and the ironic reaction to it from within the Republican Party establishment. It seems that Gingrich won in South Carolina on the strength of arguments that Mitt Romney must, by virtue of his vast wealth and low tax rate, be out of touch with regular folks. So out of touch, in fact, that there is really no way for him to ever be in touch. That by using the system to become a 1%er he is somehow unfit to lead the ninety and nine. The irony in all of this is that Mr. Romney is the embodiment of every policy the Republicans have spent the last 30 years pushing with increasing success. He is a practicing Christian who gives generously to his church (reinforcing the belief that the government shouldn't do what charities should); his income is primarily invested so that is taxes are low and his money is used ostensibly to create jobs; he started his own company; he was the beneficiary of inherited money; he is well-educated . . . . the list goes on and on. In fact, if the Republicans could, in a secret lab somewhere, create the perfect example of what-conservative-policies-can-do-for-a-person, Mittens Romney would come out on the other side. (A recent poll says that 2% of Americans think his name is actually Mittens, though Mitt is actually his complete middle name.)

And yet, his own party is attacking him as being too wealthy. As a non-Republican, I find this all very hard to understand. If the purpose of conservative policy is to create an America that creates men like Mr. Romney, then what is the problem?

At the end of the day, are we, with our upstart American attitudes, still basically distrusting of those who have a lot of this world's goods? Even if we laughed at and scorned the Occupiers and their 99% mantra, do we really believe that the 1% has way too much power, influence, opportunity, leisure, and, quite frankly, stuff.

I'm not sure how I feel. I don't begrudge anybody the opportunity to work hard and make something of themselves. In fact, the main reason I align my thinking more closely with the Democratic party is that I believe its basic platform is an attempt to correct the imbalances of birth through programs that create opportunity. (And yes, I fully acknowledge that this approach also carries its own set of un-intended consequences, it just sits easier on my conscience than a fend-for-yourself approach.) I guess I just don't see, to use a current and famous example, how someone like Mr. Romney who has basically coasted on his investments the last several years and exorbitant speaking fees, can really be considered as more worthwhile in our society than an awesome English teacher who runs a painting business on the side just to feed his kids. Or a woman of color who works shift work at two 30 hour a week jobs only to be denied insurance by each because she only works "part-time." Or a pipe fitter who works in the sweat and mud every day not knowing if there will be more work next month. Or a wife and mom who spends years working and sacrificing for her kids and never sees a paycheck. Or a Hispanic laborer living on a shoestring in order to send money to his aging mother in Mexico, all the time knowing he might be stopped at a moment's notice to prove his right to be in this land of opportunity.

At what point does wealth become so extreme that the notion of "earning it" is preposterous? At what point do we view the things we have accumulated and accept that it is just too much? If we believe the Creator endowed men to be equal, then what exactly does that mean when the circumstances of birth are so clearly unequal? What role do we play in helping to equalize people? Do we play any role at all?

What are your thoughts on the Christian's accumulation of wealth?

The Story Isn't Yet Written

Though I have a lot of thoughts I would like to share (most of which originated with listening to the FAIR podcast over the last few weeks), I will narrow the focus here in an attempt to get these thoughts out so I can move on to my homework!

At the temple on Saturday I saw a woman at her locker who was very  obviously pregnant. She asked me for a favor and when I said yes, she turned around and asked if I would zip up her dress. I chuckled and said that I would and asked her how far along she was.

"32 weeks. It might be my last time here for a while."

"In this dress, I think you are right!" We both laughed as I wrenched the zipper and she explained that she was having a third boy. I empathized and as I finished zipping I noticed a large-ish, faded, though once brightly-colored tattoo between this sister's shoulder blades. Her temple dress just barely covered it. She smiled, thanked me, and moved on.

And it was at that moment that I learned what I was meant to learn in the temple that day. When Sister Preggers got that tattoo a decade or so ago she was likely in a very different place in her life. Perhaps she'd never heard of the gospel and was just doing what all of her friends were doing; perhaps she'd been a member all her life and this was an act of desperate rebellion; perhaps her mother cried her eyes out when she saw the tattoo wondering if her daughter would ever come back the fold . . . . there are many possible scenarios. However, it is probably safe to say that she wasn't thinking/didn't care about what the prophets have counseled in the last 15 years regarding tattoos and piercings, nor how her Heavenly Father might feel about her marking her body that way.

But it occurred to me that even if there was sorrow among those who loved her at the moment of her marking herself in her rebellion, that it doesn't matter now. Her temple dress handily covered the outward manifestation and her covenants have taken care of the inward decisions that drove her to it. When we willingly come to Christ, the atonement can take care of everything. But unlike the temple dress, the atonement doesn't just cover the sins, it obliterates them.

And I realized something else: the story isn't yet written on any of us. A tattoo might mark the body, but there are other, darker things that mar the soul. Things that only Christ in his mercy can root out; only His grace can make us new people with changed hearts and willing hands. My story isn't yet written for good or bad. Just as I'm engraven upon His palms, I want His admonition and love and healing sacrifice written in the fleshy tablets of my heart. I want His words written on me. His countenance in mine. My hands to be His hands.

Openly and In Secret

A couple of things this weekend have turned my mind to deeper thinking about prayer. The first is a conversation that may have likewise occurred at your house this week. Tim Tebow has certainly become a household name here, not least because my husband is a Broncos fan from way back, but also because he might be an actual anomaly: the man who seems to have it all and still wants to put God first.

My dad has followed this young man's career for some time and became an instant Broncos fan two years ago for his recruitment there. I was less enthusiastic, as I am about most things related to pro football, and never gave him much thought until I saw him on John Stewart during this year's NFL lockout. I was blown away. Self-deprecating. Candid. Smart. Unflappable. And, well, he projected an aura of humility that is utterly disarming in a person of his standing and with his fame. I came away from the interview thinking, "This is guy might be the real deal." Even Stewart seemed fazed by his genuine and magnetic niceness.

Fast-forward to the non-lockout part of the NFL season. A couple of Sundays ago, I happened to be in the Denver airport, where many down-in-the-mouth Denver fans in full fan-gear lamented that no "miracle" had happened that week. And I found myself rooting for the young man who puts God in the center of his life even when it would be so easy to put himself there. And yes, for the Broncos too. It makes Plantboy happy when they win and I like my man happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not one of these folks who thinks that God is a Broncos fan. (I think there is plenty about professional football and its cultural accompaniments that He would love to see go away entirely.) I do, however, think He is probably a Tim Tebow fan. Isn't He always on our side when we attempt to do what is good and right and persuade others to follow? Doesn't He want young people to have a role model who is more likely to point to the Savior than to himself?

Plantboy and I, in a role reversal for us, have different opinions. Plantboy is skeptical . . . particularly in Tebow's claims of chastity. He also patently disapproves of Tebow's public "tebowing." As he pointed out the other day--aren't we to pray privately? And, as the scriptures say, God who sees in private will reward in open? I'm not so sure. I think there is something refreshing about such a display of public devotion. If it disconcerts me then perhaps I am the one who needs to rethink my level of commitment.

On to the next topic, which is closer to home and much closer to my heart. Last night we showed the boys the movie 17 Miracles. I hadn't seen it so I wasn't quite prepared for the level of "disaster peril" in which the characters would be placed. It was a very emotional experience for all of us. My four year-old was a little bit less enamored (it was largely over his head) and at one point he asked my teary-eyed seven year old, "Why are you so sad?" Padawan looked at him and said, "Sometimes you can have a happy cry." I think it was his way of describing the Spirit, for he wasn't particularly happy at that moment. Nor was he sad. I think he was in that area where your emotions are so profound and unexplainable they just leak out your eyes.

At bedtime, Plantboy asked Padawan if he would pray for us. I always enjoy Padawan's prayers. He rarely repeats. Each phrase is deliberate and carefully thought out. His prayers are actually relevant to what is happening in our lives. And he does this without prompting. Last night, however, Plantboy did prompt him to remember the pioneers in his prayer. We all bowed heads and there was a very long pause. Padawan's tender seven year-old voice was infused with emotion throughout his simple prayer. He didn't specifically pray for the pioneers, though I could tell from the "happy cry" he had going on that he was thinking about them. He said at one point, "We are thankful for the Spirit. Help us to remember who we are . . . and who we are meant to be." The last phrase was slow, deliberate and almost whispered.

It isn't phrasing I've ever used. The idea was original, or at least originated from the Spirit he was feeling. I marveled at the gift of this little spirit in our home, and prayed that I would know who he is and who he is meant to be. God surely will hear his prayers in secret and reward him openly.

These thoughts led me this morning to the place where I'm ready to choose my goals for the year. Some time ago (18 months?) I posted about a visit that Elder Whitney Clayton made to our area. He was at a meeting for Stake Presidents where I was serving. In an effort to keep the noise down during his talk, they asked the kitchen folks to refrain from washing dishes until he was done. He then asked us to join the group. It was a unique opportunity to be tutored intimately by a man so close to the apostles. As the church grows, no doubt such experiences will become more and more rare. I listened very carefully, and in a talk filled with wisdom and love and good humor, there was one moment that stood out to me above all others.

I will paraphrase Elder Clayton now. He said that there was no way that the councils of the Church could ever hold enough meetings to address the needs of those in the stake/ward/Church/etc. There are just too many problems. Real problems. However, he pointed out, the Lord could take care of those needs and use our service where He needed it the most if we were in tune enough to know what He needed us to do. To that end, Elder Clayton counseled, we must do everything we can to have the guidance of the Holy Ghost in our lives. He gave just three suggestions for keeping the Spirit daily in our lives:

1.  Maintain and nourish your relationship with your spouse.
2.  Read the scriptures regularly. Daily if possible.
3.  Pray regularly. More than once daily if possible.

This will be the framework for what I want in 2012. I am ridiculously busy and over-committed right now. However, I don't know yet what might be cut out. That is another long story, but suffice it to say that my current commitments need to continue for at least a while longer. There is no way for me to accomplish what is needed without additional help. Divine help. There is no way for me to logic my way into the decisions that we will need to make in the next couple of years. Ephiphany, as has been given in the past, is the only thing that will show me the way forward. Seldom in my life have I felt so keenly the need for spiritual guidance. It has not been forthcoming. It is time for me to take ownership over that state of affairs.

This year I will:


1. Maintain and nourish the relationships within my immediate family. I will continue all those good things I have going with Plantboy (the one place in my life I feel truly successful). I will encourage my boys to be each others' best friends and I will foster an atmosphere of trust and love in my relationships with them.


2.  I will work out a regular scripture reading plan, including making time to study the Book of Mormon regularly with a recently baptized friend who is heading to the temple later this spring. She is shy and still adjusting to Mormon culture. Our study times, when we get them, are marvelously valuable to both of us. I will not let this opportunity go.


3. I will learn to pray like my seven year old. Sincerely. With the spirit filling my heart and mind with just the right words. I will pray more often. 

I'll check in from time to time. I'm grateful to those of you who are still along for the journey. I have lately felt rather a dearth of sincere friendship.

Ephiphany

I've spent the last week digging out from being on vacation the week between Christmas and New Year's. The holiday was nice and it was very good to see so much family in Denver, but coming home was a bit rough. Walking into the house with a car load of immediate to-deal-withs (at 2 a.m., no less), only to remember that, because we left on the twenty-fifth, the house looks like a Christmas Bomb exploded in the living room. We watched the Rose Bowl from behind a two hundred pound pile of laundry. Good times.

 An now life begins again. One of my classes started yesterday; the other today. This is, of course, in addition to all the other things we do. So, like you, I am busy. I am not sure that my time off from school was the recharge I had hoped. Though there was much time to relax and sleep over our week's vacation, the time leading up to vacation was punctuated by too much commitment, very cold weather, and a ridiculous share of illness. Every year I say that I will . . . I don't know. . . simplify? So that the Christmas season might be more spirit-filled. This year I found it nearly impossible to do so without letting every one down--a thing that is entirely against my nature. After my initial burst of warm fuzzies and delightful memories, the next four weeks flew by in a flurry of survival-mode living.

Taylor Swift has a holiday song titled, "Christmas Must Be Something More."

You see that the day holds something special
Something holy, not superficial
So here's to Jesus Christ
Who saved our lives . . .

I can't help but feel that it is another Christmas lost instead of one gained. I hope not to lose the next season too. Maybe two early January events will help me. The first is the inevitable review of the goals from last year and the setting of new. You'll have to pardon the seeming sarcasm--I really do believe in the setting and renewing of goals and find that it is a good exercise for me. The "inevitable" bit is just self-deprecating. If you have been reading here for a while then you know to predict certain things.

Here is last year's list (bold) with an overview of how I did.

1. I will balance my Mary and Martha tasks so that I gain a good measure of both internal and external peace on a daily basis. I did better with this. When school and church gets really busy it becomes more difficult. I still like this goal a lot, but I'm starting to wonder if Sister Mary didn't have it right after all. My current calling is overwhelming in ways I would have never anticipated and I think that without a closer connection to the Spirit then I just don't have a chance of keeping my head above water.

2. I will have meaningful prayer at least once daily. I'm a work in progress. Very slow progress, but at least I think it is forward.

3. I will continue my current course of scripture study, at least 5 days each week, and earn my Personal Progress Award along with my study. Still trying. I need to take a closer look at my schedule and determine the quietest part of each day and fill it with this.

4. I will spend less time on the computer social networking, and more time writing. By fall I want to have two manuscripts (one unfinished and one in need of heavy revision) ready to send to a publisher. I did spend my computer time more productively, in general, but my schooling started up earlier, and perhaps more intensely, than anticipated. I fell short of my manuscript goal. I have to admit to taking some discouragement from my reviewers. Some of my drive is gone. I'm not sure what this means for the next step forward.

5. I will spend less time reading and more time exercising. Yes, really. A friend and I are trying to put together a group to run a 200 mile race in August in central Oregon. If it doesn't pan out, we still want to do a half marathon in Portland in May. How do you put a raspberry sound into writing? PBBPTTTHHH!! After a fantastic start to the year, things fell apart quickly. We couldn't collect enough racers. Then I got sick (and everyone else did too!) and my careful routines disintegrated. Between my husband and I, church obligations ballooned and I didn't anticipate just how difficult my paper route would make a regular exercise regimen. Is that enough excuses? It is all I have.

6. I will study my options and apply for colleges this spring; I will then decide by fall whether or not I'm actually enrolling. One goal, done.

My 2012 list is forthcoming. I want to really think about it this year. 

But on to the title, finally. Epiphany is a word I love. When I think of this word, I think of having a moment of inspiration or insight. It is not a bad way to describe a sudden and sometimes unexpected, spiritual experience. My desk calendar had the word "Epiphany" written in tiny script above the date last Friday--the place in the calendar reserved for holidays. I looked it up and, sure enough, Epiphany is a Christian holiday celebrated in Eastern Orthodoxy. It is to honor the magi coming to visit the Christ child. But the word comes from a Greek word with a more religious definition than I have ever ascribed to it, "manifestation or striking appearance" and is closely related to the word theophany, which is a manifestation of some deity to a person. (Joseph Smith's first vision is sometimes referred to as the Theophany.)

When I saw that word in my planner, I felt my heart leap in my chest. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a day set aside to receive a marvelous moment of spiritual insight. Almost like it was part of my to-do list. "Friday, I AM having an epiphany!"

But of course it didn't work that way. And it doesn't work that way.

As I think about my goals this year, I think this idea (ideal?) of epiphany is going to figure prominently. Never in my life have I needed the guidance of the Spirit so much. And yet, I know that I am not doing the things necessary to receive the regular manifestations that will keep me moving forward and allow me to serve to the degree I have been asked. Maybe my first step will be to write "epiphany" on my calendar every day, to keep my mind on the things of God.

It isn't just Christmas that must be something more.