tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post7854405414832501160..comments2023-11-05T04:42:17.900-07:00Comments on Nomad: Parenting My Middle ChildScience Teacher Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16579558647324072199noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-62456829947943745072010-11-22T10:00:10.137-07:002010-11-22T10:00:10.137-07:00So I have been thinking a lot about this. I can...So I have been thinking a lot about this. I can't say what is "normal" and what isn't because I already have one with severe handicaps and I view my son through a skewed lens of paranoia. Archer is 6 and he also has issues with some of the things you mentioned. He has developed a stutter that has lasted 6 months (which is a bad sign) but it seems to be limited to times when he is deeply thinking about something and asking questions. It drives me crazy because it freaks me out. He also has issues with clothes but not to the extent that your son does. He hates long sleeves because they "get dirty" and at lunch they become "covered with germs." So when it's 35 degrees at the bus stop how do I get him outside in appropriate clothes? He is obsessed with the idea of justice and what he perceives as right and wrong. He becomes very upset and worked up when things are unfair either in his life or in the lives of others. The Internet has been a blessing and a curse. It seems like the more I read about his symptoms the more things I find "wrong" with him; OCD, ADD, depression, even some rare genetic disorders. I am not very good at interpreting my own high strung thoughts from the promptings of the Spirit when it comes to my children and these types of issues. I always pursue any course of action that I feel could help my children. Before you think I am some Munchausen by proxy mom, let me say that my son is not tested excessively or seen by specialists on a regular basis. But I learned the hard way that it is better to be safe than sorry. I will spend the rest of my life wondering if I was the cause of Della's disabilities since I waited for a period of time before seeking further treatment. What's the harm in talking to a pediatrician or getting a referral to a specialist? It could be something serious or, hopefully, it could be the side affects of a busy and bright mind that is limited by the emotional aspects of being a child. If it is something serious, you can give him and your family the tools you need before emotional scarring and bad habits are engrained due to things that are beyond anyone's control. If you go through a diagnostic process and things turn out to be less serious at the very least you can still gain an understanding of what your child needs and how you can help him. I don't think anyone would say those insights were not worth the time and money spent. You are already way ahead of the parenting pack. I have met so many parents who are in denial about their children or who are simply too embarrassed to entertain the possibility of their child not being perfect. You my dear, are not one of them.Caitlinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16912424895580552533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-33996970167323023432010-11-08T12:22:06.419-07:002010-11-08T12:22:06.419-07:00The cough/clearing of throat sounds a lot like mil...The cough/clearing of throat sounds a lot like mild asthma brought on by stress, worry, or anxiety. Having raised four sons I have found that a good hobby, good friends, and time together help. Down time, boredom, and nothing to do causes problems.<br />My release is to get him a digital camera, show him some creative ideas and turn him loose! Then praise. Good luck.Its Time to Livehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04668317284838022522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-51623679524027064372010-11-07T15:32:03.392-07:002010-11-07T15:32:03.392-07:00I don't have any "ah ha" answers--I ...I don't have any "ah ha" answers--I wish I did. You mentioned one-on-one time. Granted, I only have two children now, but we went through a period when the oldest had just turned four and the youngest had just turned one when our oldest was prone to horrible tantrums. I mean burn the house down, stomping away, slamming doors, etc. nights around here. And that wasn't just her--Mom and Dad had their fair share of anguish and annoyance too. <br /><br />On another note, I myself am the middle child. I remember once making the comment to my mom that I hated being in the middle because I was left out. That wasn't really true at all, but at the same it felt good to say it. <br /><br />With my daughter, I got onto more of a schedule with bedtime, reading time, not getting so frustrated by her sweet questions during the day if I was annoyed with something else, and so forth. It has made a world of difference. When I look her in the eyes and can tell I've made a patient, concerted effort through the day, it's almost like I can get validation back. I know this isn't the same as your situation, but I think you're on the right track. My husband truly have to tag team sometimes when one of us just has to walk away and reevaluate the situation.<br /><br />My parents were awesome about channeling my energy and such into things they found I enjoyed. They were so incredibly supportive of hobbies, my love of reading, etc. In both cases, it was like if some sort of accountability and outlet could be established, things got better. Again, I don't have any or all of the good answers, but just know you're not alone and I think from everything I know and have learned about you, you are doing everything you can to be an engaged and "present" parent. Hang in there.emandtrevhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17496021016172870242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-36866382247888453492010-11-07T12:15:19.493-07:002010-11-07T12:15:19.493-07:00Much of it to me sounds like personality traits (e...Much of it to me sounds like personality traits (except for the tics). I wouldn't even say it's a middle child thing. He sounds very similar to my first child. <br /><br />I think your parenting is right on. So much of my child's little things that drive me nuts stick around no matter how many consequences I deliver but disappear with some quality one on one time. <br /><br />I would also agree with AmyJane's questions about getting a diagnosis. <br /><br />My own siblings still talk about me as the crazy sibling with a huge temper. Don't feel like things have to be permanent. <br /><br />Love you and thinking of you.chris whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15307477201674278694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-16748471365271211772010-11-06T16:05:35.288-06:002010-11-06T16:05:35.288-06:00Sounds alot like my B.J. was as a little one. He w...Sounds alot like my B.J. was as a little one. He was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder when we went to Early Intervention for some sort of help. These are the four things that helped me. We were advised to buy the book "Raising your spirited child" has some wonderful advice. He was tested and qualified for early intervention because of behavioral issues. This helped alot and it was free pre-school. Drum Lessons. This has been an absolute lifesaver. It gives him somewhere to channel his energy Plus has given him incredible self esteem. (I think music lessons of some sort benifit any kid.) And lastly, we found a fantastic herbal supplement called relax now by herbalife. It has been a lifesaver and truly helps him relax and brings out the true B.J. under all the anxiety.....Good luck Nan. I hope this helps.:)TheDooleys4https://www.blogger.com/profile/14735814237287329670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-12604990598985898932010-11-05T12:45:56.657-06:002010-11-05T12:45:56.657-06:00I'm a lurker, but wanted to comment here. My s...I'm a lurker, but wanted to comment here. My son is 5, just started school this year. He didn't have the tics, but is exactly like yours otherwise. Mellow, sweet, and has exactly the same immediately outbursts All. The. Time. For us, they started the same month he started school, which makes me think it's something about school itself. I asked his teacher if he did it there, and he does not, but pretty much from the moment he gets home until bedtime he is this way for us. I don't think it's something wrong with him (crazy making, but not wrong) but rather has to do with wanting control at home after a day of holding it together around others. He LOVES school, is very happy there, etc, but I think the outbursts and fight picking are his way of relaxing, he doesn't have to think about how to throw a fit. I've been waiting it out, hoping it ends soon.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401807675546808620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-14150102595945386112010-11-04T19:55:48.297-06:002010-11-04T19:55:48.297-06:00I am not a parent. I have fourteen nieces and neph...I am not a parent. I have fourteen nieces and nephews, all of whom live fairly far away from me, so I'm not involved in their lives much.<br /><br />About a year ago, Eric and I decided to give all of our nieces and nephews "pope names." There was K. the Pious, C. the Gregarious, J. the Jolly, and M the Belligerent. Seriously, that kid was difficult to deal with. I can't even explain it really. He was just so difficult! With everybody! I don't know how his mom handled him day to day.<br /><br />And the last time we saw him he was as sweet as could be, had a great sense of humor, didn't have to always have things his way, and was easy to work with. I guess his belligerence (which lasted for about two years) was something he just grew out of.<br /><br />I hope that Padawan is in a phase! I'm sorry that it is so rough right now.Sherryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00248348740599788697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-24437437025875309482010-11-04T11:52:26.091-06:002010-11-04T11:52:26.091-06:00I had tics at different times when I was a kid. (...I had tics at different times when I was a kid. (I'm sure I still do) Many of my sibling s did. My brother had the throat clearing tic. My parents tried different strategies (including "if you do that again I'll slap you" I don't recommend that one. You'll feel terrible later when your kids remind you and it doesn't work), eventually we grew out of them and all the other bizarre phases we went through. <br />One of my boys was convinced he had something in his eye all the time. We had it checked- nothing. We had him wear a patch- there was something in his other eye. He would freak out. I had to move cross country with this kid and was afraid he's freak out on the plane. Ended up taking the train so we'd have a private room. The train was fun. There was a sink he could wash his eye at. And the eye thing stopped.<br />Other son suddenly couldn't go in the bathroom without someone outside the door. We tried different strategies, but in the end it's hard to say if one of them worked or if it was just a matter of time.<br /> Employing some strategy helps the people around the kid feel like they have some control (and something to tell strangers and the Mother-in-law) while the kid passes through the current phase.<br />These phases drive everyone crazy, but very, very rarely do they follow a kid into adulthood. I could tell you a million more - give me a call.t.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16367484441024329944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32806324.post-23282933690076420302010-11-04T10:54:06.941-06:002010-11-04T10:54:06.941-06:00Oh my. This makes my heart heavy just to read it. ...Oh my. This makes my heart heavy just to read it. You already know that I'm already grappling with my own Middle Child. This kind of heartache always brings to mind the cliche but true saying, "A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child."<br />I don't have much to offer except a few questions. Have you looked into an actual mental health assessment? Are you amenable to a diagnosis, if there is one, or are you more inclined to just work with him symptomatically, without looking for a label? Does he have these episodes at school/primary or just at home? How does he do with other kids, i.e. his siblings and friends in the bigger world? Is the drama between him and his dad about them being too similar or is it more about dad wanting to tough love it out of him? And finally, when you pray about it and open up fully, do you honestly feel that there is something "wrong" that needs intervention, or do you think it's just one of the oddities of childhood?<br />I hope you get some better answers and ideas than I have to offer. And I hope you come to some peace with this little guy. Good luck.AmyJanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02110725642243839603noreply@blogger.com