Friday, October 04, 2013
Thursday, October 03, 2013
More Hours
Well, our school had some FTE left over and I was given another section of class to teach! This moves my preparation hour to earlier in the day (every other day; our school in on an A/B day). However, because this extra prep hour is before lunch (instead of after like before) I effectively need to be in to school by 10:00 instead of 12:30. I can still put my kids on the bus, but very little else and my mid-week lunch dates with Plantboy are at a sad end.
On the upside, most days I was on campus that early anyway . . . now I'm just getting paid for it. I think. I was asked to teach the class, but I've yet been asked to sign another contract!
It was a busy, crazy week (lots of grading, prepping and picking up the new class) and Plantboy has been out of town all so I cannot say with 100% certainty that I'm loving being a working mom, but it has definitely had some perks.
Exhausted.
On the upside, most days I was on campus that early anyway . . . now I'm just getting paid for it. I think. I was asked to teach the class, but I've yet been asked to sign another contract!
It was a busy, crazy week (lots of grading, prepping and picking up the new class) and Plantboy has been out of town all so I cannot say with 100% certainty that I'm loving being a working mom, but it has definitely had some perks.
Exhausted.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Corn Chowder
Best corn chowder ever . . . Especially after all the goodies we put on top! The lovely yellow comes from a generous shake of turmeric, not that nasty canned stuff called cream corn. I basically made a cream soup base using bacon grease for part of the fat and then threw in potatoes and a bag of frozen corn. (Celery and onions helped make up the roux.) seasoning was white pepper and salt. Toppings are bacon, sharp cheddar, chives and sautéed red peppers. Thanks to Plantboy for potatoes, onions and chives.
Common Core
Some years back I was hired to teach 7th grade science at a school frustrated by its low test scores in the arena. Despite it perfect-community-school demographic, the school was scoring dead-last city- wide in its end-of-level science scores. I was hired for a number of reasons, but I think two really stand out. I'd been accustomed to teaching science on a full-year schedule; the school was on a semester rotation with all the kids filtering through one teacher in large classes. They needed somebody with the background to expand their program out curriculum-wise. The second reason for their decision to hire me, I think, was that I was coming from Texas. I knew a LOT about standardized testing.
Within one year, our school went from last to first in the rankings.
It wasn't just me, of course. The school made many good choices that year. They offered more sections of science, making the classes smaller. The expanded year teaching ensured that each child had science education up until the time of the test. Science became less about study guides and more about hands-on experiences and labs as we expanded our curriculum. So yes, smaller classes and more seat time, what the teachers always tout as the magic elixirs of education absolutely worked. However, I would also submit that my colleague and I became committed to teaching the standards to which the kids would be tested. We pored over them exhaustively and adapted our curriculum accordingly, hitting each vocabulary word and concept with renewed vigor. Our renewed commitment to the best pedagogical practices we knew, in the end, were largely driven by a need for improved test scores.
If this sounds like I'm of two minds for testing then you are reading this correctly. The parents are right, more local control is needed--in that classroom teachers need more autonomy, not that school boards should guide classroom content. The teachers are right. We need classrooms of no larger than 24 students and the resources necessary to make student learning up-to-date, relevant and dynamic. The politicians are right. All of this money spent should MEAN something measurable.
I do think that when a child graduates from high school, the diploma should mean something. An "A" should not be handed out because a student did enough extra credit by taking stats for the track team when the coach/teacher was in a bind. Teachers have traditionally allowed for a lot of crazy stuff totally unrelated to an understanding of the subject to count for "points." In the end, you have an arbitrary bundle of meaningless grades, kids teacher-shopping for the most grade-friendly instructors, and diplomas that aren't worth the paper on which they are printed.
Standards keep teachers focused. Good assessments keep them honest. And by honest, I don't necessarily mean truthful. I mean honest with how their class time (read: taxpayer dollars) is spent. There must be a system of accountability in place for both teachers and students.
Having said that, however (you all know me well enough by now to know there is nearly always a however coming), the idea that education can pour in children as culturally, mentally, ethnically, and economically diverse as any you will find in the world into a machine and churn out the an ideal learner with the same set of skills is not only unreasonable, but it might not even be desirable.
When we insist that each child be tested to an identical set of standards with no wiggle room then we are stifling creativity, individuality, joy, curiosity. Many of our important innovators, thinkers, writers and artists have had very unconventional paths to greatness. To attempt to put every child on some kind of standardized or "normal" path is to shoot ourselves in the proverbial foot as far as the future is concerned. And to quote Princess Leia (or paraphrase), the tighter we grip, the more students will slip through our fingers.
As for Common Core.
Each state has developed curriculum standards for all levels of education. In some states these are very good. In some states these are just terrible. A curriculum standard is harder than you think to write--it must be sufficiently vague that you aren't just giving lists of facts and vocabulary for students to memorize and regurgitate, but also sufficiently specific that it can be measured. The Common Core grew out of an effort to try and align the states in some kind of cohesive standard. This part of it is not so bad.
For example, it is ludicrous that a group of highly conservative people in one part of a state can mandate through lobbying money or floor votes that certain scientific concepts (thinking most immediately of global warming and evolution) not be taught. Or that history be taught properly--from the viewpoint of the vanquished as well as the conquerors with a critical and thoughtful eye to our own not-always-gloried past. Common Core is, in part, an attempt to stop local school boards from willfully keeping children ignorant of the larger world and the facts that help organize and define it.
This is one reason why conservatives are becoming increasingly vocal about Common Core. They fear that the standards (actually fairly vague; everyone should read these before freaking out) are an attempt to brainwash their children into skepticism and liberal thinking. In truth, Common Core standards are an effort to help children learn to think. Period. If their faith traditions cannot stand up to all this "thinking" and "choice" then what possible good are those traditions, anyway? The more adversarial conservatives make school (vs. religion too often) the more children will be lost either to critical thinking or to religion. This false dichotomy, I am convinced, is a trick of Satan. The idea that deep intelligence and faith are mutually exclusive denies the very nature of God.
Ahem. Back on track.
So while I think Common Core standards that states adopt or at least align their own standards to is a good thing; I have a much harder time with Common Core assessments. Two examples to help explain this.
At my current school we are supposed to be aligning our assessments with one another. There are five of us teaching the class I'm teaching, three of us with fairly strong opinions. While we have all agreed on the standards, each of us are teaching them in slightly different ways based on our own personalities, interests and gifts. As a result, we feel to emphasize different things in our testing, as well as the nature of our tests. One of the teachers has a standard that I would say is much higher, but he gets frustrated when the kids don't already come to his class with a skill set he thinks they should have. However, my teaching philosophy is much more geared to meeting the kids where they are at and then scaffolding them to greater learning, understanding, interest. Is my class a little easier? At least initially, probably yes. But in the end, I think my students may stand a better chance of actually meeting the burden of proof regarding our standards. I don't know; I can't say at this point.
In other words, five teachers cannot even agree entirely on a common assessment to give our kids; Common Core assessments work from the idea that thousands of teachers will get on board with what is being taught and tested.
Second anecdote--back to the same school I began this piece with. My colleague and I prepared our kids very carefully according to curriculum standards with particular attention to vocabulary so that the students would know how to "speak" the language on the test. The curriculum standard regarding heredity was quite thorough, but also left off the term "DNA" in regards to heritability. You can actually teach a lot about genetics without ever talking about the specific biochemistry of your cells. And for 7th graders, this is quite appropriate. You can save the technical stuff for high school biology. We carefully avoided any mention of DNA so as to not confuse the kids and to save a week's worth of time when we could be focused on the core.
Test time rolled around. Sure enough, one of the heritability questions used the terminology "DNA" in one of the questions. I was deeply frustrated. The question, if reworded to reflect what was actually in the standard, could have been answered by nearly every one of my students and still shown a very thorough grasp of heritability. As it is, I bet many of my kids saw that unfamiliar acronym and just guessed on the question.
In other words, the danger of common assessment is that it will still be a small group of people writing the assessment. There is no way for me to teach to a test (not a horrible thing by the way--I'll end on that note in a moment), that I have never seen before and which may or may not align to the curriculum standards the way I'm reading them. In addition, to assume that this test written by somebody else is the BEST possible measurement of the learning taking place in my classroom is to discount my own learning and expertise.
When I structure a class from the ground up, I look at objectives provided by the state (Common Core based in Oregon) and then I "unpack" them--extrapolating my own course objectives (in student friendly language) based on these standards with a vocabulary list for each standard. Then I write a test. What do I want the kids to know? do? understand? explain? analyze? calculate? etc. etc. Then I build my content around helping them meet these goals. Parents and too many teachers are becoming increasingly critical of "teaching to the test" but I prefer to look at it like teaching to the objectives . . . students should look at it like learning to meet their goals.
Teachers should be allowed the autonomy in their classrooms, if not to design their own learning targets (there should be some consistency across schools, after all), then at the very least to build their own assessments (at least in part) and certainly design their own assignments. If there is only one right way to teach, assess and learn, then we should just plug them all into headphones and show them videos of master teachers all day with tests afterward.
In short, I think that states should align their standards with some kind of common core, but I am very much against nationalized, standardized testing for individual courses or subjects. I think that the Department of Education should function like the National Science Foundations--as a granting agency that provides money for schools and districts (not even states) that show innovative ways to teach; the efficacy of which are yes, measurable by some local or even state standard. Each state has their own way of training and retaining teachers, as well as conferences and standards for teaching. The structures already in place allow for better dovetailing of standards and assessment. Schools were given to the states; they should be allowed to stay there.
Now I've covered everything. Almost quite literally. See what you get after a long silence? I'll stick to pictures for the next few months. Then we'll talk about how much good could be done for education in my state if the army chose to build ONE less plan next year to the tune of 500 million dollars. What if it built fifty fewer planes? How much good might we do in a single generation if we truly started funding schools in a way that matches our rhetoric for how important education is?
Within one year, our school went from last to first in the rankings.
It wasn't just me, of course. The school made many good choices that year. They offered more sections of science, making the classes smaller. The expanded year teaching ensured that each child had science education up until the time of the test. Science became less about study guides and more about hands-on experiences and labs as we expanded our curriculum. So yes, smaller classes and more seat time, what the teachers always tout as the magic elixirs of education absolutely worked. However, I would also submit that my colleague and I became committed to teaching the standards to which the kids would be tested. We pored over them exhaustively and adapted our curriculum accordingly, hitting each vocabulary word and concept with renewed vigor. Our renewed commitment to the best pedagogical practices we knew, in the end, were largely driven by a need for improved test scores.
If this sounds like I'm of two minds for testing then you are reading this correctly. The parents are right, more local control is needed--in that classroom teachers need more autonomy, not that school boards should guide classroom content. The teachers are right. We need classrooms of no larger than 24 students and the resources necessary to make student learning up-to-date, relevant and dynamic. The politicians are right. All of this money spent should MEAN something measurable.
I do think that when a child graduates from high school, the diploma should mean something. An "A" should not be handed out because a student did enough extra credit by taking stats for the track team when the coach/teacher was in a bind. Teachers have traditionally allowed for a lot of crazy stuff totally unrelated to an understanding of the subject to count for "points." In the end, you have an arbitrary bundle of meaningless grades, kids teacher-shopping for the most grade-friendly instructors, and diplomas that aren't worth the paper on which they are printed.
Standards keep teachers focused. Good assessments keep them honest. And by honest, I don't necessarily mean truthful. I mean honest with how their class time (read: taxpayer dollars) is spent. There must be a system of accountability in place for both teachers and students.
Having said that, however (you all know me well enough by now to know there is nearly always a however coming), the idea that education can pour in children as culturally, mentally, ethnically, and economically diverse as any you will find in the world into a machine and churn out the an ideal learner with the same set of skills is not only unreasonable, but it might not even be desirable.
When we insist that each child be tested to an identical set of standards with no wiggle room then we are stifling creativity, individuality, joy, curiosity. Many of our important innovators, thinkers, writers and artists have had very unconventional paths to greatness. To attempt to put every child on some kind of standardized or "normal" path is to shoot ourselves in the proverbial foot as far as the future is concerned. And to quote Princess Leia (or paraphrase), the tighter we grip, the more students will slip through our fingers.
As for Common Core.
Each state has developed curriculum standards for all levels of education. In some states these are very good. In some states these are just terrible. A curriculum standard is harder than you think to write--it must be sufficiently vague that you aren't just giving lists of facts and vocabulary for students to memorize and regurgitate, but also sufficiently specific that it can be measured. The Common Core grew out of an effort to try and align the states in some kind of cohesive standard. This part of it is not so bad.
For example, it is ludicrous that a group of highly conservative people in one part of a state can mandate through lobbying money or floor votes that certain scientific concepts (thinking most immediately of global warming and evolution) not be taught. Or that history be taught properly--from the viewpoint of the vanquished as well as the conquerors with a critical and thoughtful eye to our own not-always-gloried past. Common Core is, in part, an attempt to stop local school boards from willfully keeping children ignorant of the larger world and the facts that help organize and define it.
This is one reason why conservatives are becoming increasingly vocal about Common Core. They fear that the standards (actually fairly vague; everyone should read these before freaking out) are an attempt to brainwash their children into skepticism and liberal thinking. In truth, Common Core standards are an effort to help children learn to think. Period. If their faith traditions cannot stand up to all this "thinking" and "choice" then what possible good are those traditions, anyway? The more adversarial conservatives make school (vs. religion too often) the more children will be lost either to critical thinking or to religion. This false dichotomy, I am convinced, is a trick of Satan. The idea that deep intelligence and faith are mutually exclusive denies the very nature of God.
Ahem. Back on track.
So while I think Common Core standards that states adopt or at least align their own standards to is a good thing; I have a much harder time with Common Core assessments. Two examples to help explain this.
At my current school we are supposed to be aligning our assessments with one another. There are five of us teaching the class I'm teaching, three of us with fairly strong opinions. While we have all agreed on the standards, each of us are teaching them in slightly different ways based on our own personalities, interests and gifts. As a result, we feel to emphasize different things in our testing, as well as the nature of our tests. One of the teachers has a standard that I would say is much higher, but he gets frustrated when the kids don't already come to his class with a skill set he thinks they should have. However, my teaching philosophy is much more geared to meeting the kids where they are at and then scaffolding them to greater learning, understanding, interest. Is my class a little easier? At least initially, probably yes. But in the end, I think my students may stand a better chance of actually meeting the burden of proof regarding our standards. I don't know; I can't say at this point.
In other words, five teachers cannot even agree entirely on a common assessment to give our kids; Common Core assessments work from the idea that thousands of teachers will get on board with what is being taught and tested.
Second anecdote--back to the same school I began this piece with. My colleague and I prepared our kids very carefully according to curriculum standards with particular attention to vocabulary so that the students would know how to "speak" the language on the test. The curriculum standard regarding heredity was quite thorough, but also left off the term "DNA" in regards to heritability. You can actually teach a lot about genetics without ever talking about the specific biochemistry of your cells. And for 7th graders, this is quite appropriate. You can save the technical stuff for high school biology. We carefully avoided any mention of DNA so as to not confuse the kids and to save a week's worth of time when we could be focused on the core.
Test time rolled around. Sure enough, one of the heritability questions used the terminology "DNA" in one of the questions. I was deeply frustrated. The question, if reworded to reflect what was actually in the standard, could have been answered by nearly every one of my students and still shown a very thorough grasp of heritability. As it is, I bet many of my kids saw that unfamiliar acronym and just guessed on the question.
In other words, the danger of common assessment is that it will still be a small group of people writing the assessment. There is no way for me to teach to a test (not a horrible thing by the way--I'll end on that note in a moment), that I have never seen before and which may or may not align to the curriculum standards the way I'm reading them. In addition, to assume that this test written by somebody else is the BEST possible measurement of the learning taking place in my classroom is to discount my own learning and expertise.
When I structure a class from the ground up, I look at objectives provided by the state (Common Core based in Oregon) and then I "unpack" them--extrapolating my own course objectives (in student friendly language) based on these standards with a vocabulary list for each standard. Then I write a test. What do I want the kids to know? do? understand? explain? analyze? calculate? etc. etc. Then I build my content around helping them meet these goals. Parents and too many teachers are becoming increasingly critical of "teaching to the test" but I prefer to look at it like teaching to the objectives . . . students should look at it like learning to meet their goals.
Teachers should be allowed the autonomy in their classrooms, if not to design their own learning targets (there should be some consistency across schools, after all), then at the very least to build their own assessments (at least in part) and certainly design their own assignments. If there is only one right way to teach, assess and learn, then we should just plug them all into headphones and show them videos of master teachers all day with tests afterward.
In short, I think that states should align their standards with some kind of common core, but I am very much against nationalized, standardized testing for individual courses or subjects. I think that the Department of Education should function like the National Science Foundations--as a granting agency that provides money for schools and districts (not even states) that show innovative ways to teach; the efficacy of which are yes, measurable by some local or even state standard. Each state has their own way of training and retaining teachers, as well as conferences and standards for teaching. The structures already in place allow for better dovetailing of standards and assessment. Schools were given to the states; they should be allowed to stay there.
Now I've covered everything. Almost quite literally. See what you get after a long silence? I'll stick to pictures for the next few months. Then we'll talk about how much good could be done for education in my state if the army chose to build ONE less plan next year to the tune of 500 million dollars. What if it built fifty fewer planes? How much good might we do in a single generation if we truly started funding schools in a way that matches our rhetoric for how important education is?
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Now THAT'S a Job!
I was indexing this morning before church. They were passenger lists from the late 1800's. One woman, no age given, listed her occupation as "spinster." Ten minutes later I found another "spinster." This second Irish lass, however, was the ripe old age of 19. They called 'em young back in the day! Also, I can't help but wonder if there was a shortage of American spinsters in the 1800's, so we had to bring more in?
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Okay. It Is Hard.
I love my work. I am not entirely sure how to keep it from engulfing my life. This is obviously not me . . . but I kind of love her look, if not her expression. If my eyesight ever starts to go, I think some dark-rimmed glasses will definitely give me street cred as a teacher.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Austenland
Sorry, Sister Hale, the movie might just be better. I missed Jane's running commentary in her head and the chapters interspersed with old boyfriends, but I think no more than two minutes passed during the duration of the film when I didn't laugh right out loud. Well cast. Well played. Well done. Kudos to three Mormon girls for pulling this one off in a way that is hilarious, and at times risque without sinking to the level of raunchy that passes for the new funny. Here's to Jerusha, Shannon and yes, even you Stephenie. . . as well as the three awesome women I had my girl's night with.
I have got to get one of those I heart Darcy bookbags.
I have got to get one of those I heart Darcy bookbags.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Monopoly
I have been playing Monopoly for at least 30 years. This is the first time I have ever won. It was a thumping.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
A Remembered Face
This picture showed up today on ldsnewsroom:
It is the ousted Labour Party Prime Minister getting her genealogy from the Church. This in itself was not super remarkable--the Church has done this for many different heads of state, though maybe never a female one.
What made me so happy about this picture is that the man on the right is named Anthony Parton. He is the president of the Wyndham Stake down in Melbourne, which organized the event. President Parton was once known to me as Elder Parton. He was one of the assistants to my mission president when I was a brand new missionary.
I hear so much about people leaving. Today I rejoiced to see another stay. Thanks, Elder Parton, your faith strengthens mine again, even at a distance of 8,000 miles and 17 years.
It is the ousted Labour Party Prime Minister getting her genealogy from the Church. This in itself was not super remarkable--the Church has done this for many different heads of state, though maybe never a female one.
What made me so happy about this picture is that the man on the right is named Anthony Parton. He is the president of the Wyndham Stake down in Melbourne, which organized the event. President Parton was once known to me as Elder Parton. He was one of the assistants to my mission president when I was a brand new missionary.
I hear so much about people leaving. Today I rejoiced to see another stay. Thanks, Elder Parton, your faith strengthens mine again, even at a distance of 8,000 miles and 17 years.
Monday, September 09, 2013
Straw Towers
I always do this activity early in the year. Kids tell a whole lot about themselves without realizing it during this simple exercise.
Saturday, September 07, 2013
Friday, September 06, 2013
Thursday, September 05, 2013
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
First day
Still no students until tomorrow, so I feel like I'm spinning my wheels a bit. Still, I was glad to put my monkeys on the bus today. They feel ready.
First day of middle school. He tells me the cool kids will all be super matchy. I have a feeling that what the cool kids are will be different every day. So it begins.
Third grade. Padawan is the least worried and most excited.
My baby. The most worried and least excited.
The picture below is a nice exchange for last night's tears.
A new and exciting chapter for all of us.
Monday, September 02, 2013
Finding Time for Family
Our last weekend of summer vacation:
The boys were excited to finally harvest the corn we've been growing all summer. We might get two more harvests this size. The red corn was a little starchy and lost its color when boiled; it will probably need to be grilled next time. The yellow and white corn was super sweet.
These pictures were taken today at a little canal downtown. There is a company that rents canoes and kayaks by the hour. We had about 10,000 things on the to-do list, but I'm glad we left some off in order to do this instead. The only bummer is that we didn't have time to rent a paddleboard. I told Plantboy that he owes me a date. The kayak folks will be there three more weeks; and next spring they'll be back too if we don't make it again in 2013. We paddled down by Autzen Stadium. I love our town any time of year, but there it something very exciting around here about the fall. Go Ducks!
The boys were excited to finally harvest the corn we've been growing all summer. We might get two more harvests this size. The red corn was a little starchy and lost its color when boiled; it will probably need to be grilled next time. The yellow and white corn was super sweet.
These pictures were taken today at a little canal downtown. There is a company that rents canoes and kayaks by the hour. We had about 10,000 things on the to-do list, but I'm glad we left some off in order to do this instead. The only bummer is that we didn't have time to rent a paddleboard. I told Plantboy that he owes me a date. The kayak folks will be there three more weeks; and next spring they'll be back too if we don't make it again in 2013. We paddled down by Autzen Stadium. I love our town any time of year, but there it something very exciting around here about the fall. Go Ducks!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
View From My Desk
It is a strange classroom set up. Designed for classes of 24. I will have 44 in some sections.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Picture Yourself
This is me at graduation just over three months ago, so full of hope and accomplishment and ideals. I have to keep reminding myself of this picture after two days of meetings filled with admin speak about data and proficiency. Hours of headaches related to technology. The frustration over being assigned a class late last week for which I am unqualified to teach. Accepting the challenge of extra responsibilities that include being the major contributor for our work-in-progress on-line textbook. Sharing an old classroom that has become a repository for whatever garbage people choose to leave behind. The stark realities of classes larger than forty students. Expecting vulgar language from the kids and finding it in the teachers. The stress of a hundred new people with 150 more coming next week. Working more hours than I can ever hope to be compensated for...
I am this girl...I am this girl...I am this girl....
Monday, August 26, 2013
New beginnings
It seems like a good time to change the way things roll around here. I started work today, and though this is a thing I have wanted and worked toward for some time, it is not without its challenges. One of those is, naturally, finding ways to keep up with my hobbies. I will continue with full essays at Aspiring Mormon Women, but I think for the school year I am going to try a picture a day(ish). I may still write when the mood really strikes me, but I think a pictorial year in the life of Science Teacher Mommy could be fun.
This might be the last really great meal my family gets for a few weeks, but I wanted to try. Ratatouille over polenta with steak and salad.
The ratatouille was Padawan's idea. We will see if he likes it when he actually tries it!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Blessings Predicated
Doctrine and Covenants Section 130:21-21 states "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated--and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.
I've been a working mother before. I think I understand the trade-offs. I hope I do. I haven't made the decision to go back to work lightly, though my motives aren't entirely unselfish either.
I've also been thinking a lot about Eve. I'm not entirely certain which aspects of her story are allegorical and which are literal, but the parable of her choice can garner a lifetime of lessons. Eve might have decided to stay pure and perfect and innocent forever; or she might have chosen to lose her innocence and ease of life in order to have children, experiences, deep and sometimes painful love--in other words, humanity. These choices were juxtaposed to them. It seems to me that in their way (at least in the short term), both might seem like very good, if conflicting, choices. In the end, Eve moved forward with the best knowledge she had and a firm belief that she was doing the right thing.
I'm not sure that we have contradicting commandments, but we do live in a world with nearly limitless choice; so many of which are very, very good choices. And yes, some of these choices are more vital than others, but even among what is left of the best choices there is still more than we can possibly put onto our plate, at least at the same time.
Rambling.
Yes, I know.
I'll try to make a point here. I am pretty good at avoiding the sins of commission, particularly the biggies. It is also a little bit clearer to see the relationships between blessings and avoiding the big sins--chastity leads to happier marriages, keeping the Word of Wisdom generally leads to better health, etc. etc. Sins of omission are trickier: they don't require avoidance--if we are to not make mistakes here then we must actively seek out ways to do good. The thing with the sins of omission are that there is ALWAYS more to be done--another sister to visit and comfort, another child to cuddle, a husband to feed, a sick widow to visit, a friend to share the gospel with . . . well, you get the picture. There is no way to anticipate and respond to all the needs of all who come in our path. We are so far from perfect that not committing sins of omission is, well, impossible.
I think that every day we are like Eve in the garden, presented with two choices, equally appealing, but mutually exclusive. Heck, if it was only TWO choices I'd be thrilled.
For example, we spent a lovely afternoon with some friends on their boat. This friend and I initially bonded over our mutual love of Padawan (she was his primary teacher). We could not be more different. She runs marathons, and though older than me by probably four or five years, she looks (and probably feels) younger. In the past 18 months she adopted a set of newborn twins, though she probably thought for years that children were a thing that would never happen for her. She is generous to a fault and a delight to be around. She could hardly wait to quit work and stay home with her children.
I spent the last two years training my mind instead of my body. It shows. I feel more confident than ever going into my new career, but my body is tired and worn out. I overeat and would like to lose weight, but I'm not sure I'm willing to put in the time commitment it would take. Or to feel hungry. I do love to cook and eat. I have also tried to spend the last 18 months doing good. I feel like going back to work is part of what I was sent to do in this life.
What I am saying is that my lovely friend and I are like chalk and cheese. Our personalities have led to vastly different uses of our time and talents and energies. We have the gospel in common, but little else beyond that. And I think we have both been very blessed for our efforts; however, I would not say for one moment that we have been blessed in the same way. I'm also using the word "blessed" to mean basically any material or non-material thing either of us have in our lives. After all, it all belongs to the Great Giver anyway.
This really isn't meant to be about my friend and I . . . it is about a principle. It is true that our Father has promised all that He has, but I'm also pretty sure that he doesn't mean "right now." After all, I want my own children to have a rich, full and happy life one day. But I recognize that this life doesn't come by having it handed to you. The truly good life comes from experience and struggle and heartache and disappointment and getting up and trying again and knowing what it feels like to win some days. As we navigate our way down the myriad paths and choices of this life, I think it is important to remember that we must lean to God in our weakness and stop thinking perfection is possible on our own.
Many years ago a football player at BYU who went pro (no, not Steve Young, thanks for asking) gave a fireside about the above referenced scripture. He spoke eloquently about the blessings that his family received during his NFL years--blessings from being generous with their offerings, keeping the Word of Wisdom and law of chastity, and the blessings of self-reliance. But, he cautioned, in the midst of all that, his family (and himself most particularly) did not enjoy the blessings associated with keeping the Sabbath Day holy. It was hard to remain un-spotted from the world. He did not express regret for supporting his family with the best talent he had, but he was not foolish enough to ignore the price paid either.
I know that in short order, many of the blessings of stay-at-home momming will be denied to me. As they should be. But I also know that there will be other blessings associated with my work and new-found source of income. We can more aggressively save for missions and be more generous with our offerings. We will work on self reliance in the form of more food storage and saving against retirement. We will finally take care of much needed car repairs (or replace the old beater) so that we feel safe and secure heading to work again. For now, this is the choice I'm happy with and feel that we have been led to.
It doesn't mean that other paths, blessings and experiences won't be closed to us.
This is rambling, and it is late. Sometimes I write to figure out my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts keep circling and circling. But then, after all, the word "essay" comes from a French word for to "to try." Success is just a perk.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.
I've been a working mother before. I think I understand the trade-offs. I hope I do. I haven't made the decision to go back to work lightly, though my motives aren't entirely unselfish either.
I've also been thinking a lot about Eve. I'm not entirely certain which aspects of her story are allegorical and which are literal, but the parable of her choice can garner a lifetime of lessons. Eve might have decided to stay pure and perfect and innocent forever; or she might have chosen to lose her innocence and ease of life in order to have children, experiences, deep and sometimes painful love--in other words, humanity. These choices were juxtaposed to them. It seems to me that in their way (at least in the short term), both might seem like very good, if conflicting, choices. In the end, Eve moved forward with the best knowledge she had and a firm belief that she was doing the right thing.
I'm not sure that we have contradicting commandments, but we do live in a world with nearly limitless choice; so many of which are very, very good choices. And yes, some of these choices are more vital than others, but even among what is left of the best choices there is still more than we can possibly put onto our plate, at least at the same time.
Rambling.
Yes, I know.
I'll try to make a point here. I am pretty good at avoiding the sins of commission, particularly the biggies. It is also a little bit clearer to see the relationships between blessings and avoiding the big sins--chastity leads to happier marriages, keeping the Word of Wisdom generally leads to better health, etc. etc. Sins of omission are trickier: they don't require avoidance--if we are to not make mistakes here then we must actively seek out ways to do good. The thing with the sins of omission are that there is ALWAYS more to be done--another sister to visit and comfort, another child to cuddle, a husband to feed, a sick widow to visit, a friend to share the gospel with . . . well, you get the picture. There is no way to anticipate and respond to all the needs of all who come in our path. We are so far from perfect that not committing sins of omission is, well, impossible.
I think that every day we are like Eve in the garden, presented with two choices, equally appealing, but mutually exclusive. Heck, if it was only TWO choices I'd be thrilled.
For example, we spent a lovely afternoon with some friends on their boat. This friend and I initially bonded over our mutual love of Padawan (she was his primary teacher). We could not be more different. She runs marathons, and though older than me by probably four or five years, she looks (and probably feels) younger. In the past 18 months she adopted a set of newborn twins, though she probably thought for years that children were a thing that would never happen for her. She is generous to a fault and a delight to be around. She could hardly wait to quit work and stay home with her children.
I spent the last two years training my mind instead of my body. It shows. I feel more confident than ever going into my new career, but my body is tired and worn out. I overeat and would like to lose weight, but I'm not sure I'm willing to put in the time commitment it would take. Or to feel hungry. I do love to cook and eat. I have also tried to spend the last 18 months doing good. I feel like going back to work is part of what I was sent to do in this life.
What I am saying is that my lovely friend and I are like chalk and cheese. Our personalities have led to vastly different uses of our time and talents and energies. We have the gospel in common, but little else beyond that. And I think we have both been very blessed for our efforts; however, I would not say for one moment that we have been blessed in the same way. I'm also using the word "blessed" to mean basically any material or non-material thing either of us have in our lives. After all, it all belongs to the Great Giver anyway.
This really isn't meant to be about my friend and I . . . it is about a principle. It is true that our Father has promised all that He has, but I'm also pretty sure that he doesn't mean "right now." After all, I want my own children to have a rich, full and happy life one day. But I recognize that this life doesn't come by having it handed to you. The truly good life comes from experience and struggle and heartache and disappointment and getting up and trying again and knowing what it feels like to win some days. As we navigate our way down the myriad paths and choices of this life, I think it is important to remember that we must lean to God in our weakness and stop thinking perfection is possible on our own.
Many years ago a football player at BYU who went pro (no, not Steve Young, thanks for asking) gave a fireside about the above referenced scripture. He spoke eloquently about the blessings that his family received during his NFL years--blessings from being generous with their offerings, keeping the Word of Wisdom and law of chastity, and the blessings of self-reliance. But, he cautioned, in the midst of all that, his family (and himself most particularly) did not enjoy the blessings associated with keeping the Sabbath Day holy. It was hard to remain un-spotted from the world. He did not express regret for supporting his family with the best talent he had, but he was not foolish enough to ignore the price paid either.
I know that in short order, many of the blessings of stay-at-home momming will be denied to me. As they should be. But I also know that there will be other blessings associated with my work and new-found source of income. We can more aggressively save for missions and be more generous with our offerings. We will work on self reliance in the form of more food storage and saving against retirement. We will finally take care of much needed car repairs (or replace the old beater) so that we feel safe and secure heading to work again. For now, this is the choice I'm happy with and feel that we have been led to.
It doesn't mean that other paths, blessings and experiences won't be closed to us.
This is rambling, and it is late. Sometimes I write to figure out my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts keep circling and circling. But then, after all, the word "essay" comes from a French word for to "to try." Success is just a perk.
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