Remember that big box of "I'm Sorry" cards I needed a couple of weeks ago?
Well, after much prayer and introspection, I did send out some personal and very heartfelt apologies. No snarkiness there--I recognized where and when and with whom I had crossed the line and worked to make amends. However, one good sister took my apology so much to heart that she has taken it on herself to call me two or three times since to analyze every nuance of every conversation I've had with her (and others!) since to make sure that I understood exactly when I said the wrong thing.
Tonight she dropped by to talk to me for half and hour while her kids tackled mine all over the front yard, stirring them up to new levels of hyperness just before bedtime. She felt it was important for me to know that an offhand comment said to somebody else several days ago got back to her, albeit without a name attached, and figured this comment, which could be construed by some as offensive, could have come from nobody else but me. If that last sentence didn't make any sense to you, well, it doesn't make much sense to me either. In her roundabout and loving way she reprimanded me. Again.
I'm so glad this good sister has taken it on herself to make sure I'm perfected. I don't have enough guilt just on my own.
The hardest part? I really like this person. A lot. Just like most of the sisters I've met here. But my experiences of the last few weeks have emphasized to me that there isn't a single sister I can say anything to in confidence. Not visiting teaching, not in a presidency meeting, not as a friend.
I have about 200 things to do in the next two weeks, both church and other-wise, but I really feel like I just want to crawl under the covers and let somebody else take care of everything. Is it possible to lose yourself so much in the service to others that you just feel lost?
This too shall pass.
11 comments:
Oh my. How dare you be so imperfect. ew. *rolling my eyes*
I'm sorry to have to break the news to you, but it sounds like it ISN'T you who has the problem. It sounds to me like Miss-Putting-You-In-Your-Place-All-The-Time needs to learn to treat adults like adults and not little children to be reprimanded 24 hours a day. Not only that, but dang! She should choose not to be offended instead of pointing out every possible way to be offended. I live with a mentally ill person who finds offense in every look, every gesture, and every word a person can say. I think they'd get along rather well.
wow, lucky you have such a good helper :-) seriously, i would just get caller ID and a video doorbell so you can know which calls and visits to avoid.
Oh my.
I do know what you mean. I've learned to 'vent' outside of that world of women--although it would be lovely to have a true confidant in that circle, I don't have one either, and it's safer that way. You are a lovely example of patience, goodness and humility.
Hard!
(i'm sorry)
I am sorry! Situations like this are so hard. I hope it gives you some peace to know that you've done everything you can and are trying to be the better person here. You are exactly right--it will pass. Hang in there!
Oh my goodness. Wow. I'm sorry. That's just beyond words.
A "video doorbell?" Uh, I think it's called a peephole. ;)
As for "venting outside the world of women". . . . Plantboy listened very well last night, as he always does. He even put up with the headcold, my grouchyness over the pulled muscle in my neck I've been nursing for days, and my four hours a night sleep habit. He was extremely patient, dear man.
You asked if it's possible to lose yourself so much in the service of others that you just feel lost.
Yes, it is possible. Make sure you're making time for yourself. I know that's one more thing to add to your to-do list, but you're important enough to prioritize yourself and take time for your needs. Even if it's just a few minutes a day. Better yet, make it an hour. ;)
So very sorry. Know how you feel.
I am so sorry! I realize we don't actually know one another, but I find you a right-thinking person (and Miss Nem's endorsement is enough, really) so if you ever need to really escape, there are lots of great places to hide up here in Bellingham. I'm sure the woman wouldn't brave Seattle traffic to find you. Hope things get better!
I agree with DesMama. Give yourself some time of your own, just for you. I wish I could be there for you, physically that is. If a phone call would do good just to vent, I'd love to chat, it's been to long.
Thanks for sharing this. I've been in the YW presidencies twice in the last few years (we moved), and it's always a drama. I also have a well-developed tongue and have learned through the school of hard knocks to keep it still as often as I can at church events. That's why YW is a hard calling. The immaturity is contagious. It helps me to think of ward people as coworkers, not confidants, and take it to the Lord, then to my fellowman. I do most of my relating to people in Nursery or Primary and the formal setting of a Sunday School class. Maybe someday my former YW Pres. (who wanted a fan club, not counselors) will be my friend, or maybe not. I wish that passive agressivity could be erradicated along with treats in Primary. So glad I don't have the trial of being in leadership right now. Mormon 90210.
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