Remember that big box of "I'm Sorry" cards I needed a couple of weeks ago?
Well, after much prayer and introspection, I did send out some personal and very heartfelt apologies. No snarkiness there--I recognized where and when and with whom I had crossed the line and worked to make amends. However, one good sister took my apology so much to heart that she has taken it on herself to call me two or three times since to analyze every nuance of every conversation I've had with her (and others!) since to make sure that I understood exactly when I said the wrong thing.
Tonight she dropped by to talk to me for half and hour while her kids tackled mine all over the front yard, stirring them up to new levels of hyperness just before bedtime. She felt it was important for me to know that an offhand comment said to somebody else several days ago got back to her, albeit without a name attached, and figured this comment, which could be construed by some as offensive, could have come from nobody else but me. If that last sentence didn't make any sense to you, well, it doesn't make much sense to me either. In her roundabout and loving way she reprimanded me. Again.
I'm so glad this good sister has taken it on herself to make sure I'm perfected. I don't have enough guilt just on my own.
The hardest part? I really like this person. A lot. Just like most of the sisters I've met here. But my experiences of the last few weeks have emphasized to me that there isn't a single sister I can say anything to in confidence. Not visiting teaching, not in a presidency meeting, not as a friend.
I have about 200 things to do in the next two weeks, both church and other-wise, but I really feel like I just want to crawl under the covers and let somebody else take care of everything. Is it possible to lose yourself so much in the service to others that you just feel lost?
This too shall pass.