Thursday, July 30, 2015

Girls' Camp

I spent last with the teenagers from our church at their annual girls' camp. Though I have spent many years, off and on, working with the young women from our church, I have never had life circumstances that would allow me to spend a week at camp with them. But circumstances change and children get older and easier to farm out to friends, and this year I decided it was time to say "yes" to this unique experience.

First and foremost, it was fun. I had a really good time. The girls are mostly delightful and funny and well-behaved. There was plenty to do--skits, activities, devotionals, service, certifying in camping skills, crafts, water games, etc. Our theme was "The Girl on Fire" and a lot of Hunger Games kitsch went into creating the structure for the camp. I was skeptical, as the books and films are fairly dark, but it was well-done and not overdone. So well done, in fact, that if anybody is looking for a camp theme next year I am happy to private message and give details. There is one more movie to go, I think the popularity of the series will linger for at least another year or two.

All in all it was a great experience and my poor husband spent what was probably a miserable 90 minutes over the course of the weekend listening to me give details. I will spare you here as most of the experiences are really of the you-had-to-be-there variety. Pranks, stupid skits, running jokes and gags are all so much better when you are sleep deprived and without other forms of entertainment. (Is that Channing Tatum riding on a donkey?? I nearly wet my pants at the time . . . as of this writing I can only muster a wan smile to what seemed so hilarious just seven days ago.)

Still, there is much that is memorable and worth bringing home that translates better into broader audiences. And, oddly enough, the thing I am thinking about is scouting. BOY scouting.

My current "official" calling in our ward is to be the advancement chair on the scout committee. I say official because I'm also working with the cub scouts and until not too many weeks ago was teaching Sunday School when I cried "uncle" with girls' camp approaching and got released from many obligations. I don't think this lay-low period will last long, but my work on the committee has been eye opening and, particularly in light of the press release from the Church this week, has given me much time to reflect on the nature of scouting and its unique role in the LDS church.

At a committee meeting earlier this year, one very earnest brother asked about how to motivate kids. This led to some interesting fall out that I have thought about often, and even more often this week. The first thing that happened is an older brother, whose primary contact with church IS scouting, left angry. This very thing had been discussed in the monthly Round Table meeting the week previous, and, once again, our troop had a very pitiful leadership showing at the meeting. This brother's anger was awkward, but not entirely without foundation. LDS troops don't run the way troops outside the church do. In some ways this is by design (handbook), but mostly it is in response to a "calling" not exactly being the same as something you "volunteer" for. All of those other scouters are volunteers and want to be there. Many LDS scouters are going through the minimum number of motions to feel that they are doing their calling adequately. It is harder to find ones that have strong testimonies of the merits of scouting and who love both it and the kids. This additional level of interest is really required if a person called into scouting is going to take the initiative to get the requisite training to be a really great scout leader.

That was Brother A's response; once he left the room, there was an actual discussion, albeit rather subdued. Brother Bishop (actually our bishop) said the key was to do Duty to God. This left me all kinds of skeptical. The Duty to God award is such an afterthought in American Young Men's programs. Most of the boys that end up earning it only do so after they receive their Eagle Scout and are already fairly motivated types.

Brother C, a member of our bishopric and a long time scouter (at least 40 years in scouting) shook his head vociferously at the bishop's comment and insisted: you have to get them outside. The more you sit around the more they will hate it. He then waxed poetic about an old time scout leader that engaged the boys by using his Dutch oven every week, ensuring that something delicious came out of it at the end of every scout meeting.

I've rolled these responses over in my head as possible motivators or barriers to motivation:

A--Dismissive anger for the lack of integrity among LDS scouting units.
B--The key to successful scout program is focusing on spirituality.
C--More guy stuff. And food.

I may not be the best person to speak to this. My oldest son, 13, is a gung-ho scout. He likes everything about it: the military aspects, the camaraderie, the uniforms, the patriotism, the memorizing, the bazillion merit badges, the awards. I think in many ways he came this way, but we have done some things. I will speak quickly to some things that we have done that have been successful with our boys (one Scout, one in the Webelos den and one in the Wolf den) before getting back to my thoughts on lessons we can learn from girls' camp.

We have . . .

1--NEVER implied that scouting is something you do if you like the activity going on that night. Scouting is part of being active in the church.

2--Been super involved. I have been cub master (now my husband's calling), primary counselor over cubs, on both the cub and scout committees. I have volunteered at cub camp, as well as keep up to date with district activities. The committee jobs were not things I was called to--I asked to assume those roles to keep the program running smoothly.

3--Made sure that we know the program. I have never once made it a leader's responsibility to earn an award for my kid. This doesn't mean that I've done it myself either, but knowing the program and the expectations can help you plan family activities (lots of cub things can be done in the normal course of family life with a little bit of organization) as well as help guide your child into ideas they can suggest for scout activities that might help them progress.

Okay, so we are definitely a scout family. At least for my oldest, he will remain so, regardless of the Church's decision whether or not to stick with BSA. This is a thing I also have strong opinions about, but it is a bit off-topic. Maybe another day. I have strong motivation with three boys for learning the program and helping it to be smoothly executed. I want my kids to want to be there. So back to my meeting with the committee all those weeks back.

A--Brother A is right. If scouting is going to continue to be a part of the church and our YM culture, then we need to be doing it properly. That includes attending the training that is quite good and presented at least every month, if not more often. We cannot complain that scouting is too complicated and hard to run if we won't avail ourselves of every resource available to us.

B--Our bishop is right. We are not connected with the scouts because the world needs more Eagle Scouts (though maybe it does); we are connected with scouts because scouting, for 100 years, has been seen as an incredible vehicle for teaching things that allow boys to become successful missionaries. The church's own research shows that boys that earn their Eagle Scout are far more likely to go on missions. The church isn't trying to churn out Eagles, they are trying to turn boys into Elders who can effectively and with conviction teach the gospel. The most important thing a boy can do is gain a testimony of the Savior. His love. His atonement. His sacrifice. The restored church. Scouting alone cannot do this. It isn't even intended to do this beyond some vague devotional gestures. If boys feel the spirit, they will come back for more. If they come back often enough, they can gain a testimony. If scouting is to fulfill its purpose within the church, leaders must more effectively integrate the principles in Duty to God, as well as look for ways to spontaneously share testimony and teach the gospel. Camping experiences must be more than a boys-will-be-boys melee where the only prayer is that everyone makes it back alive. And with all their fingers.

C--Our lifetime Scouter is right. Boys do need to be active. They don't do well when they sit for a long time. Tempering sitting and learning with standing up and doing is essential (not just for boys, by the by). Scout leaders, when they accept the call, must understand that in addition to training, those monthly campouts are a must if they are going to keep the boys working toward goals--intrinsic and extrinsic. Without these aspects, it will be very hard to get the boys to focus on the spiritual because being outside, away from electronics, eating food you had to make yourself, teaches you to really internalize.

I would like to take a moment more on the Bishop's comments. Because this is what I precisely saw at Girls' Camp. There was this awesome blend of spirituality and fun that was delightful. Perfect. As the girls shut off their devices, they could really look at one another, and at their leaders. They could more effectively feel the pull of the spirit the longer they spent in the woods. Thoreau was onto something, certainly. There was a certain deliberateness of action both from me as a leader, and in what the girls understood by week's end. Their hearts were soft, open, receptive.

Boys are girls are different, sure. But we are all children of the God and Goddess of this creation. They have endowed us with divine attributes that more clearly shine through when we spend time in Their creation. I have to believe that after a day or two in the woods, the same thing happens to boy-hearts that happens to girl-hearts. This is when a leader can step in and tell a story from his mission (and, no, thanks very much, that story should have nothing to do with something gross you ate) and touch hearts, change lives. He might tell a story about his own conversion to the gospel, the joy he felt in taking his wife to the temple, how he loves his kids, how he discovered his career path.

This is possible.

When scouting celebrated its 100th anniversary of its partnership with the LDS church, there were some great articles in both the Ensign and the New Era. One of these was called "Why I love the 50 miler." This is what it was all about. Taking boys to the brink of their capabilities so that they are humble, grateful and teachable. In this moment, when you are stretched to your limit of doing hard things, you find your truth.

Yes, Brother A, if the church continues with scouting then there must be a renewed emphasis on proper training integrity in completing the steps of scouting. Yes, Bishop B, there must be a spiritual awakening within the scouting program and the vision caught of how Duty to God might be married to the pursuit of skills. And yes, Brother C, the boys need to get outside more and not only learn but practice the skills outlined in the scouting program.

I don't know if the BSA/LDS relationship will last. There has been rumbling for some time that it won't be. But if the men will open their eyes and take some cues from the women for how the practical and the spiritual might be married, then young men doing scouting can truly begin to be blessed by their association with it.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Growing Up Mormon (Hashtag)

There was a meme headed around Twitter in recent weeks that begin #growingup . . .  and it included designations like "Albanian," "Black," "Hispanic," "Scottish" etc. The news story I heard about this (because I do NPR, not twitter--I'm in my middle years like that) was extremely positive and reported little negativity in the exercise until a group of really classy rednecks used "growingupwhite" as a way to promote hate speech.

Awesome.

White means certain things, of course, as well as being American. But, for me, I can honestly say that the primary cultural group I identify with is Mormon. I honestly think I'd be more comfortable being dropped into he middle of an LDS congregation in West Africa or Tonga than attending a demolition derby in Kansas or a cocktail party in New York. Both of the latter being "white folk" type events. Years ago, the New Yorker ran a piece on Mitt Romney. His Mormonism was addressed by an avid scholar of Mormonism (who is, by the way, not LDS). She said, "Mitt Romney isn't Mormon the way Harry Reid is a Mormon . . . he is Mormon the way Joe Leiberman is Jewish." Her point was that Romney's Mormonism went back for generations and generations. Unlike Reid, a convert, Mormonism was fundamentally tied to Romney's reality and understanding of everything in the world.

I am Mormon the way Romney is Mormon.

Generations and generations on both sides. When people leave the church, they report that this cultural disconnect is the hardest piece. The bottom of the world literally drops out when it is has been who you are for generations.

So, for fun here today, I am going to (#) growingupmormon. Some of these will be based on my experiences. Others on the experience my children are having.

1. Spending a day or more each summer working at a church farm--pruning or picking grapes was our crop of choice when I was a child.

2. You think canning your food is something that everybody does.

3. All grownups wear white underwear that goes to their knees, don't they?

4. Toiletpapering is something you do to your friends, or a boy you like, or your favorite teacher who probably happens to live in your neighborhood.

5. The Word of Wisdom is only observed correctly in your own family; all your friends seem to have their own version of it.

6. You eat before you go to the potluck because you have no idea what kind of weirdness Sisters Smith, Johnson, Peterson, et. al. have concocted in their kitchen.

7. You have been served Jell-O as a main dish. Or, at the very least, your mother owns a ward cookbook with a recipe in it that involves shrimp, Jell-O and tartar sauce.

8. Said Jell-O might also be a side dish and Thanksgiving doesn't seem quite complete unless your fancy Jell-O is running into your mashed potatoes.

9. Jell-O, oddly enough, is rarely a dessert, despite the fact that it is about 75% sugar and often covered in whipped cream.

10. On your mission you become shocked to discover that there are MTCs that are NOT in Provo.

11.  Being modest means that your garments cannot show. Even if you don't wear garments. And only if you are a girl. And even if that isn't at all what modesty means.

12. You remember the old incarnation of For Strength of Youth that said no rated R movies . . .and rejoiced when the current version was so specific, so now you can watch whatever you want.

13.  You mom owned cake pans and maybe Jell-O molds in a variety of shapes.

14. Before Pinterest, mom had her own way of sharing crazy craft ideas with other women. It was called Homemaking night. Remember that year all of your clothes were sewn from patterns inspired by the movie Annie?

15. You danced to YMCA at every church dance before you even KNEW anybody that was gay.

16. Seminary meant a sluff-off class that was hopefully right after lunch and with all your friends.

17. Homemade apricot leather was your favorite taste of summer.

18. You have a "family" picture buried somewhere that has 75 people in it.

19. The largest room in the temple of your choice was standing room only at your wedding or sealing.

20. As a kid, one of your bucket list items was to visit all the temples . . . probably 25 at the time!

21. You have a favorite apostle that you are secretly rooting for to be prophet.

22. Two weekends a year, you spend two days in front of the TV in your jammies dozing off to conference. Yeah! Follow the prophet.

23. You know there is a fourth verse to "We'll Bring the World His Truth."

24. Until you were eight you really didn't understand the popcorn song at all. Heck, if you KNOW what the popcorn song is then you probably grew up Mormon! (Heck, if you use the word "heck" you probably grew up Mormon!)

25. When you were fifteen your dad looked at your mom across the table and said, "You know dear, I really hate Jell-O." Suddenly EVERYone comes out of the closet.

I'm sure I could go on all day . . . I'm sure that you could too. Leave a comment below if there is anything that you feel like is uniquely Mormon that could be added.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Just Another Day in English Class. In 1950.

After doing Hamlet with my English classes some weeks back, we followed it by reading the short story titled Stone Mattress. The story is brilliant and modern and pairs nicely with the play. Using both pieces springboarded us into conversations about the difference between justice and revenge, as well as a discussion about the degree to which people are responsible for their choices. As Laertes declares at the end of the play, "the king is to blame!" Shakespeare is tantalizingly unclear about what all the king is to blame for. Hamlet's actions, heinous as they are, would not have been done had his uncle not killed his father in order to gin succession. Likewise in Stone Mattress, the story's protagonist seems justified in committing a carefully planned murder when you realize the extent to which her "victim" once victimized her.

In conjunction with our reading I had students read three different versions of the same story. In the story the main character is stranded far from home in the middle of the night, which is only accessible by ferry. The character has forgotten their money and, despite pleas to former friends as well as the boat captain, nobody will help the person. Desperate, the character goes home on foot across a crime-riddled bridge, knowing it is dangerous but feeling out of choices. The character is murdered when the highwayman realizes they have no money to steal. 

In the first version, the protagonist is a woman who is having an affair (a series of affairs), and is trying to get home so that her husband doesn't catch her. Those who refuse to help are former, jilted lovers, as well as the boat captain.

In the second version, the story is identical except for the genders. The husband is the adulterer who is desperate not to be caught.

In the third version, it is a woman again, but she is a single, widowed, mom working across the river and desperate to get home before her children wake up. The outcome, however is the same.

At the end of the story (they only saw their version) students were asked to determine which of the characters was most responsible for the death of the main character.

Over two classes of reasonably enlightened, modern 18 year olds, here were the results:

75% of respondents in the first story primarily blamed the woman for her own death....the second choice was the man who actually killed her. 

This result is not actually unexpected. I pulled the story from a psychology lesson plan about the just world hypothesis--it is human nature to expect that people will get what we think they deserve. I really stirred everybody up when I said, "so you guys think that the penalty for adultery should be death?"  There was plenty of backpedaling after that! They asserted that they just were trying to say that our actions have consequences and that we cannot escape the results of our choices.

It was a good conversation, and I can get behind a lot of what they are saying. Our actions do have consequences, and we do have to be careful. Except....

There is a glaring problem when we look at scenario two. An identical case except for gender, remember. Only 25% of respondents blamed the man for his own death. Most blamed the highwayman and a few blamed the boat captain. 

So when we look at all their high principles about karma and a belief in a just world, it all really melts away. Even in 2015, women are still held to a higher standard. Men who have affairs are just not as responsible. The discrepancy shocked me. And maybe horrified me a bit too.

As for the third result? 95% said single mom not responsible...even though she too forgot her money, the mistake most directly related to the outcome.

The funny part was that the students seemed pretty chagrined by the outcome. Most voting students insisted that their vote would have been the same regardless of if it had been about a man or a woman, but I have my doubts. They squirmed hard when their own biases were revealed. 

Thursday, July 09, 2015

Turning 40

I had two big goals for this big year:

1. Run a 10K with my husband.
2. Finish my fairytale novel and submit for publication.

I didn't mis-type the first sentence. I said "had."

Wait?! You say. It is only JULY. Why the glum forecast for accomplishment?

As a school teacher, I was really counting on the summer to help me with these plans. The first, the race, was something I had hoped to do the end of summer and train through the spring and summer for. Then the realities of summer caught up to us and, boy howdy, we have been almost as busy as during the school year. I was asked to do girls' camp for our church after I set that initial goal, which has really thrown a monkey wrench into the best laid plans. Not a terrible monkey wrench, I'm looking very much forward to girls' camp, but to say that it is without complications is a gross understatement.

The second goal. *sigh* The second goal. Again, summer was the time for this . . . though not as much time as I had once hoped. To my horrible, horrible chagrin, however, I found that the thumb drive I had been working off of for this particular piece has quit working. I have an old PDF copy of a manuscript that has had extensive revisions made to it. I have recently and stupidly discovered that all said revisions are on the bad drive, nor do I have capability to convert the PDF to a working file format. When I think of all my great revisions, however, I'm horrified at the thought of going back to the PDF, particularly with the formatting issues created by converting one to the other.

It isn't to say that my fortieth year hasn't been without its perks. The weekend of mother's day/birthday, we took the boys backpacking for the first time. Professionally I've never been in a better place: I will begin my third year of teaching at the same school this fall, which is a record for me! I feel like I have a career finally instead of just a job. I am recognized as being very effective and doing well and have two departments arguing over who gets me for more time. I received a grant this year to expand technology in my classroom and will finally get to teach biology, my favorite subject, this school year. The kids are doing great and we love our new home that we've been in less than a year. Plantboy and I are doing well; I love him more than ever. I have come to terms with a lot of doubts that have plagued me in recent years about a variety of things.

Yes, we are in a very good place. As to my goals, however, that is another story.

The first goal was really in response to trying to exercise more. I have actually done fairly well this summer and am getting out to the gym more often. I would love to lose 15 pounds . . . mostly so the clothes aren't so snug and so I have more energy. As short as I am, it only takes a few pounds to really feel bulky. The energy piece is huge; I'm hoping that better exercise will help me beat that slump I get between 3-5 every afternoon that makes me crave junk food and naps. The reality is that I just hate running. As much as I admire my amazing friends who complete marathons et. al., I find myself completely miserable when I even attempt two miles. I will choose nearly any form of exercise over running. The merits of planning for a race are, of course, in the fact that you have a deadline. The downside, however, is that when the deadline comes you actually have to go RUNNING. Outside. Sometimes in the heat.

The second goal. *sigh* The second goal. This is just something I really, really want. Or is at least a simulacrum of what I really want. You see, my fondest desire is to write the next great American novel. You know the one I mean--the one that all the book group women want to read and talk about. The one that makes people stop and think and perhaps even influences their actions. The one that makes you call your best friend or sister and say, "Ohmygosh, I just read. The. Best. Book." Sure, sure a novel like that brings you money, but to me, such considerations are really secondary. I just can't imagine the buzz that would come from knowing that people are talking about and considering something I created.

But this bad drive thing, with no back up copy (who does that??? I have like a bazillion copies of everything else in 8 different spots!!!), has me feeling sick at heart. Discouraged. Wondering if it is a sign that it is time to just put away childish dreams.

I have publishing envy. I will just admit it.

Maybe it is just time to embrace the many gifts and blessings that have been mine, be grateful for my limited writing abilities, such as they are, and accept that this thing I want so badly really isn't within my reach.

I know. I know. It sounds so defeatist. But I admit, I'm feeling a bit defeated today as I ponder whether or not to pursue my dreams or just find something else on the bucket list. After all, I'm sure that going to New Zealand would make me feel MUCH better!