Thursday, June 02, 2011


I sort of love comic book stories. I'm sure I've mentioned before my love-of-all-things-Batman, but I might have failed to mention that a close runner up in my mind is the X-Men franchise. I think that I love the story because it is so character-driven. Yes, yes, that might be a lot to say about comic books and movies geared toward boys who are primarily interested in blowing stuff up and breasts; but at their hearts, the best superhero stories are about people with extraordinary powers who would probably prefer just to fit in. Dr. Xavier starts a school so that "gifted" kids will have a place to go. Rogue contemplates giving up her power so that she might know human touch. Cyclopes wanting to see through human eyes. Batman fighting the scepters of his parents' death, Peter Parker haunted by the one murder he can never stop . . . I'm telling you, these are just great, character-driven stories. The villains in these stories become such when they believe their power makes them superior to others--they lose their empathy for "regular" humanity.

The X-Men story is a great example of this. The main bad guy, Magneto, is a survivor from a concentration camp. As much as his fellow mutants try to help him use his amazing power (he can control metal) for good, he can never quite forget or forgive how those who are different are treated by those in power. His inability to let go of the past turns him into the thing he most hated.

But on to why I am conflicted.

The X-Men franchise has a history of casting really, really good-looking men. Case in point:

Look at me and my bad self. I'm even cute with crazy sideburns and spikes for fingers. And don't even get me started on the mad blow-dryer skills that give me this hair-do.

The best-looking guys all know how to swagger, and I know you want this jacket.

This smile is really my best feature. I cannot figure out how I got cast as Wolverine: he doesn't smile once in six hours of movie mayhem. Oh wait, I know how . . . . it is all about my huge pythons. Did you SEE that first picture? XOXOXOXO

For the life of me, I cannot figure out how all of these Hugh Jackman pictures have ended up here. This last one doesn't even have anything to do with X-Men. Still, you've got to love Nicole Kidman's face. She is thinking, "If anything happens to Keith, The Drover is definitely my back-up plan." Hugh Jackman? He is thinking, "Good grief, a guy doesn't shave for a day and look what happens."

Here is another smoking hot actor who must have been cast purely for the bone structure of half a face. He also has an adorable grin that he doesn't get to use. Not a lot of smiling in the X-Men movies.

Dang! Hugh has beaten me out of the scruffy contest again! I've been working on this shadow all week.

The new film, coming out tomorrow, is no exception. It is easy to like the good guys when they are Hugh Jackman or James Marsden or James McAvoy. It is easy to distance yourself from the bad guys when they are made to look totally freaky or are 100 years old, cold as ice, and your first thought is Gandalf when you see them.

I am SOOOOO cerebral. And when I grow up I get to be Jean Luc Picard.

Did I say cerebral, ladies? What I meant is ACTION ADVENTURE GOD. Real men are all Brits.

Can you say male-dominated? I think this will be one drawback from the trilogy. Jane Grey, Storm and Rogue are such strong characters. This film seems to highlight January Jones in her lingerie. Could that honestly be comfortable? For saving the world? She makes Wonderwoman look like a Nun. (See earlier comment about the need for this genre to appeal to teenage boys. *sigh*) And Kevin Bacon? Honestly?

Batman's villians have been likewise unappealing--Jack Nicholson, a shredded-faced Heath Ledger, Danny DeVito, Arnold Swcharznegger, etc. It is not so easy to dislike the bad guy when he is MR. ROCHESTER:

I have a name. It is Michael Fassbender. And soon all the world will know it!
(Insert maniacal, bad-guy laughter here)

Team Xavier, or Team Magneto? I have a feeling that even a ticket to the movie isn't going to solve this dilemma.


Courtney said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this post!

t. said...

This is a great post. I'm just going to keep scrolling and staring for a while. Thanks.

heidikins said...

Love this!! I'm excited to go see X-Men again!

(Also, last summer I met Hugh Jackman. He touched my arm. He called me a sweetheart. And then I died and went to heaven.)


Science Teacher Mommy said...

AWESOME. $25 for the sitter (we were out all evening); $17 for movie tickets. Worth. Every. Penny.

And yes, in case you were wondering, I'm still very conflicted. And I cried.

Kimberly Bluestocking said...

I love your snarky posts. :)

April-in-law said...

Team Thor. The boy is FINE. And he's Australian, as well. You gotta like that!

JennyMac said...

I admit I have never seen a single X Men movie. BUT, Hugh Jackman? Caliente!

And will you pretty please link your email to your blogger profile to your email address? I wanted to reply to one of your comments and couldn't email you back. :)