Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Mother Teresa I Am Not
Sometimes the needs of those you love are just overwhelming, you know? I have plenty of friends that have all their kids in school and have chosen not to work full or part time. I used to wonder how they kept themselves busy. But as my own brood gets older and I find myself on the threshold of that next phase, I am beginning to understand. For the first time in ten years I'm not so wrapped up and occupied with the day to day minutiae of feeding, diapering, wiping, entertaining, etc. etc. and I'm able see beyond my four walls. There really is so much need. Volunteers in the schools. Sisters and friends in my ward. Always more to be done for my calling. I know that I will be one that does go back to work . . . but I hope I don't forget the powerful lessons from this in between time too. I am gaining a deeper and deeper respect for those sisters who forgo the accolades and paychecks that come from the work force in exchange for a life of quiet service even once the needs of their children change.
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My baby went to first grade this year and I have gone through a major emotional change that I did not see coming and it hit me pretty hard, I have had to re-think a lot of things and reinvent myself in a lot of ways.
I realized that I have not been without a forced schedule since...maybe high school or never. If you take into account going to college while working full time, mission (no free time to think about how to spend it), back to college and working while also supporting a husband in graduate school and finally, moving quickly into 4 kids in 4 years. I haven't taken a breath in 20 years.
Now, all of a sudden, I have 6.5 hours each day that I need to figure out how to use. Not for lack of things to do, just lack of a schedule dictating which 45 minutes In a day I must get it all done. In many ways I am less productive (still not scrapbooking the boxes of pictures I have, still not baking cookies for the shut-ins, still not reading my scriptures an hour a day, etc.) and then you add guilt onto the pile of not using my time wisely...it has been crazy! I'm slowly figuring it out, but no one warned me what it would be like (reminds me of breast feeding, It's rough at first, but once I get it figured out I know it will be great).
Just another perspective!
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