Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Bread I Knew in the Pre-Existence

I have long looked for a whole wheat bread recipe that is delicious, healthy, but mostly SOFT. We eat a lot of bread around here and it is getting really pricey. I've also wanted one that can be made entirely from food storage. So that, in a pinch, I can always make bread. Well, this is THE ONE. I think this bread tastes just like the honey whole wheat bread you can buy at Old Gristmill where it costs around $3.50 a loaf. If I was grinding my own wheat for this recipe (the wheat-grinder investment is one I haven't made yet), this would probably cost around a dollar a loaf, and my Kitchen-Aid does most of the work. I just have to make sure that I'm home for at least half the day on bread day. The picture is just one I grabbed from the Internet; this bread is actually slightly darker (especially with honey) and denser:

3 cups warm water (if you use your mixer, remember that your metal bowl will be VERY cold, so the water should be quite warm.)
2 Tablespoons yeast
1/3 cup honey OR sugar (I've used both as well as a combo. The honey flavor is incredible, but it is more expensive that way.)

Once you are sure your yeast is working (5 minutes or so) add 5 cups of whole wheat flour. Mix well and let it rise for about 30 minutes. This is called a sponge.

Add:
3 Tablespoons oil or melted butter
1/3 cup honey OR sugar
1 tsp salt
4-5 Tablespoons vital wheat gluten (also called wheat gluten flour or a dough conditioner. DON'T skip this ingredient. It will change your life when cooking with whole wheat. It also adds a bunch of protein in your bread.)

Gradually Add:
2-3 cups more flour (white or wheat) until the dough firms up.

Knead until smooth and firm (I let my KitchenAid do this too. Two words: dough hook). Let rise until double. Punch, divide (two huge or three mediumish), form and let rise until double (another 30 minutes) Bake at 350 degrees for 24 minutes for medium, 30 minutes for huge.

If anybody is interested in the spicy cilantro chimichurri I made for the steaks last weekend, let me know. (If you haven't discovered this new favorite condiment yet, let's just call it the discerning person's answer to steak sauce.) This weekend I am going to put it on hamburgers with a big slab of roasted red pepper, a whole wheat bun, mixed greens from our garden and imported white Australian cheddar. I think I'll do sweet potato fries on the side. I keep telling Plantboy that he is a food snob, but lately I've started to think that it might be me.
Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

We're Out to Get You

This billboard is ironic on so many levels.
I think any further discussion, however, would sap too much of the humor.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Happy 100th


Our ward book group read Anne of Green Gables for our April selection. It was my month to host. I had my doubts about how well the discussion would go--I've never considered Anne a discussion book. Besides, having read it so many times myself, I didn't expect to find any new insights.

Stilll, as it was my job to "lead" the discussion, I took my assignment to heart and tried to read the novel with different eyes--critical eyes. After all, Montgomery's book might very well be the most famous children's book of all time. Published in June 1908, after nearly 100 years this book is as relevant and beautiful as the day it was printed.

Suffice to say, I found myself saying again, "If Anne had known me, I would have been a kindred spirit--the dearest of her dear chums." As I read this time, I realized just how much of Anne is IN me, because I read this book at such an impressionable age. (View this clip at 5:30.) And though I've loved this book for many years, until Thursday I've always relegated it to the kids' shelf, but I think my perspective has changed. Labels like "juvenile" and "young adult" lose a lot of meaning when you are just talking about GREAT literature.

So, happy birthday Anne. Thanks for helping to make me who I am. If I ever have a daughter I promise to introduce you to her one day. And if I don't, then there may be grand-daughters.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

They Aren't Kids So Much As They Are Blog Fodder

Last night we had a roast chicken for dinner. It is not the first time. In fact, Scallywag coined the term "chicken on a bone" and generally eats it really well. He has seen Plantboy carve up the whole bird before also. Scallywag (remember, he is 6 1/2) looked at the meat curiously as I put it on his plate. "So where does the chicken come from?" This is not the first time I've answered this question.

"A chicken at a farm."

"A chicken?" His little face crumpled and I saw something come over him that never has before when I've answered this question.

"Yes."

"You mean a real live animal chicken?" He began to get quite hysterical. "That's just rude and mean, we don't kill animals to eat them!" He jumped up from the table, "I'm not eating." I found him a few minutes later in his bed buried under the covers. We had a long talk.

After which, my own meat didn't look as appetizing.

Patchy Pirate has earned his own place on the blog this week, however. He loves to jump on my bed and throw my pillows, hoping, no doubt, that some obliging soul will throw them back. Monday, while I was tutoring, Patchy was up to his usual raucous jumping while Plantboy entertained the baby in another room. Some minutes later Patchy came down the hall shouting, "Daddy! I found something for you!"

Patchy proudly held out a silver foil-wrapped condom.

Plantboy said, "Thanks, buddy," and quickly put the something in his pocket. I can't help but be reminded of raccoons who will pick up anything shiny and small.

So, at my house this week we've tackled the big issues--animal rights and sex ed. What are you up to?

Actually, I do need some advice about an actual three year-old issue. (Though when you read the situation, you'll probably maintain it should have been a two-year old issue.) Patchy has a blanket that he loves. No big deal, I took a tattered wubby to college. The problem is that Patchy sucks his thumb when he has the blanket. Not just sometimes, every time. (His blognym could just as easily be Pavlov.) He doesn't suck his thumb at other times. It has been this way for over a year. He also only gets his blanket at bedtime, or the occasional naptime. So it isn't like he is dragging blue-friend and thumb to Sunbeams or anything.

Still, I always said that when the potty training was done, I'd take the blanket so that we could break the thumb habit.

The reality, however, is that I'm finding the follow through very difficult. Why? We had to take a binky away from Scallywag and it was fairly traumatic. With the binky, however, he didn't really LOVE it. It was more of a sleep tool for a child that was (and still is) very oral. He gave up napping almost entirely as we adjusted to a binky-free life. This was actually a big sacrifice for his very pregnant and then post-partum mother. With Patchy, however, he really actually sees this blanket as an essential member of our family. It is such a part of our daily routine for wake up and bedtime that it is a part of us. He is my snuggler and I think the cuddliness of the blanket is as joyful to him as the thumb. (Watch this clip from 3:45 to 4:30) Besides, for this second boy who has had almost every single thing second hand, the blanket is undeniably HIS. No other person in the family is allowed to touch it without his permission.

I've talked to lots of different people about this and heard many different opinions ranging from "He'll quit when his ready! Junior sucked his thumb until he was 13!" (Loud chuckle) to "I hate thumb sucking. I think it is completely gross." I can see the long term implications--Patchy has slightly buck teeth already--and his sleeping is tied to the thumb. However, the blanket-thumb combination hasn't affected his speech (development or enunciation) at all and he is learning self-monitoring about the times of day it is okay to have his blanket.

I allowed this dear little soul to be a thumb-baby because we'd just come through months of binky/sleep issues with the first and he didn't seem to like it anyway. (My only ultrasound shot of Patchy shows him with his left thumb--the only one he likes--in his mouth.) The day he found his thumb with regularity was the day we all began sleeping well again.

Our new baby is also a thumb-baby. I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing there by allowing it to start.

So advice from you mothers of children who sucked thumbs and/or fingers? What did you do, if anything, to stop the habit? Or advice about asking a child to give up a beloved and non-offending blanket or toy?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Overwhelmed

Plantboy said today that we have 125 or so really active members out of a roll of around 400 in our ward. This puts the activity rate somewhere in the 30% range.

I was often in wards (or branches) like this as a missionary, but as much as I got to know and really love the people I served, I always was keenly aware of the transient nature of my situation. Even the very hardest wards only had to be endured for six months, tops. Then it was off to somewhere else!

Not the case now.

I'm trying hard to count my blessings. I'm trying hard to find friends that I relate to who don't seem to be one step away from going off the deep end. I'm trying hard to find family time in the evenings. Let me give you a run down of the week I'm currently in so you have an idea:

Last Friday: Scrapbook night at the church. I actually planned this one, but the women who came want to get it committed to a monthly thing on the calendar. I did't get a ton done, being more of an instructor than anything else. And yes, if enjoying scrapbooking makes you think of me as some kind of stereotyped, "typical" Mormon woman, you can just go blog somewhere else.
Yesterday: Fed the missionaries. Love doing this, but it was the fourth time in the last six weeks. Though we only feed them every other day (15-16 days each month) in our ward, we still cannot get their calendar filled up. This problem is getting worse all the time.

Today: Plantboy was at church from 7-3 today. He is the ex.sec., but he has also just been called as the Varsity Scoutmaster. They have no one in mind as a replacement for his current calling. The combination of the two make him busier than any man in the ward except the Bishop. Great! He is hometeaching tonight. I only sat in 40 minutes of church today because of the baby.
Monday: Visiting teaching three of the five sisters on my list. I hope to get hold of my companion who spends about 20 days a month in another city helping a grown daughter with a husband and four children, and she has a deeply troubled adult son for whom she is the full-time care giver. The other two sisters avoid any effort we make to schedule with them though they are both fairly active in the church. The awkward part is that I have to report my VT to one of these sisters. It would be faster to visit them because to compensate I make several phone calls for appointments that never happen and usually bake something for each of them every month. FHE has to be put off until later in the week (if it happens at all) because I tutor on Mondays.

Tuesday: Hubby at the bishop's office after work. Sometimes he goes in as early as 6:30 and comes home as late as 10:00. I was supposed to have an Enrichment meeting that night as well, which I have thankfully convinced our counselor to handle over the phone.

Wednesday: Plantboy and I tag team all day on Wednesdays. Papers-Plantboy goes to work and comes home early-STM tutors-Plantboy goes to YM. I'm in bed about the time he gets home.

Thursday: I'm hosting book group this month. We are reading a very non-offensive book, but it is so tame that I have NO IDEA what we'll talk about for an hour. If anybody has any really gripping insights into Anne of Green Gables, please let me know. . . .

Okay, I'm done griping. Most weeks aren't this bad. And my testimony is strong. I was able to sit through most of Sunday School today and I felt such an overpowering love for the Book of Mormon that I wanted to weep the whole time. The gospel is so amazing and I love the life it has given me beyond my ability to express, but I would just like a week or two of time off from the cultural Church.

And a friend. I'd really like a good friend to just come hang out over here while we commiserated together about the difficulties of serving in this corner of the vineyard, and maybe shed a few tears over never-ending responsibilities and blessings, and the high cost of things and the worldly difficulty of choosing between things we want and things we need. Any takers?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Lurkers: Show Yourselves!

When I loaded my new template, I lost most of the settings on my sidebar. Most of these I really don't care about (remember--I needed a change), but I have unfortunately lost most of your blog addresses. Once I cleverly linked them, I had no other record of them. Clever indeed. I will remember this lesson if I ever decide to throw away my cell phone.

So if you could just jump in on this post and make any kind of comment so that I can link back to your page that would be awesome.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Work in Progress

I am needing a new look. Re-doing the blog is free and will keep me from rash hair decisions involving scissors and/or dye.

Anyway, it is a work in progress. The template I really want is proving difficult to download. At least for me. Everyone else seems to be having NO trouble. I have been testing it on another page and it is just disastrous. This page is a distant second. I think I'm just a computer dunce. No, change that. I KNOW I'm a computer dunce.

Anyway, you will probably see lots of variations over the next few days as I try to redefine myself. If I was a really great writer, I wouldn't need so much song and dance. But I'm suffering from a lot of mediocrity this week and the song and dance is helping.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Mission Accomplished (and not in the George Bush definition of the word, which is, apparently, the complete opposite of mission accomplished)

I'm changing Poopy Pirate's blognym. Why? I believe he is finally potty trained. (I started the week after Labor Day.) We are mostly accident free these days, and he is dry in the morning two or three days each week. He doesn't give me the potty-dance cues the way my six year old still does, but he is handling it very responsibly. In fact, I think Pirate is using the potty better, with fewer reminders and less trauma than Scallywag. Poor Scallywag and his high-stress personality. I think think Freud would have the "anal-retentive" label in the file before he'd been on the couch 4 minutes.

Anyway, #2's new blognym will be "Patchy Pirate." We still love pirates around here and, well, he has the sweetest smattering of freckles across the most adorable nose ever given to a child. I'm sure that he won't like them quite as well when they get thick, but he's my darling pale-face and the joy of my life, so his looks have made me even begin to like my OWN freckles.



Thursday, April 10, 2008

Persephone Returns


There is a vicious rumor circulating that it is going to be in the 70's tomorrow and dry. I'm sure that it is quite mad to get my hopes up before I actually see proof of said forecast, but I just can't help it. I gave Plantboy most of our tax return money this year and this is what he's been busy doing:





He built these raised beds over a few Saturdays in March. Then he ordered 3 yards of soil that sat in our driveway for a few weeks getting rained on, as well as compacted and dragged through my house by two little boys who could NOT keep out of it. After 30 trips with the wheelbarrow, it was time to plant. This is about 3 or 4 weeks ago during a couple of days of warm and dry weather:

These are the raspberries. The boys also planted strawberries all around the edge of this bed. There are 24 raspberry plants in two different varieties. When they start producing well, we should have raspberries most of the summer. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
This is our apple tree. Plantboy said, "I know we may not live here long enough to see it fruiting really well, but I just can't help it." I think my husband should have been a farmer.
You might live in Eugene if your kids refer to your family garden as "crops," or if your compost bin is bigger than your garbage can.


In unrelated news: Isn't scallywag a true fashion icon?

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The Other Edward

I just finished watching the BBC's Sense and Sensibility on YouTube. Somebody posted all three segments in seven parts each. And while this might seem a little bit choppy, to a mother of three in a household of boys, six-eight minute segments were just perfect. I have watched bits here and there over the last several days.

There is so much fodder for comparison here! And, well, literary types love this sort of thing so I can't resist doing it. If you would like to read a shorter, funnier review, check out this one from last week, which is the reason I decided to give it a go in the first place. (I had kind of forgotten about the MT series this spring: Mansfield Park was so-so, I heard bad reviews of Miss Austen Regrets, and I've got Pride and Prejudice on DVD and can have my Darcy-fix any time I want.)

I have to preface any critique by saying that I think a Emma Thompson's screenplay for this same story is brilliant and that Ang Lee's directing is just fantastic. That particular version of Sense and Sensibility is, I think, one of the finest films of the 1990's. So naturally, I approached this new version very skeptically. However, I think that the BBC version has merits that Thompson and Lee overlooked, though I still think the old one is superior (better performances) and truer to Austen's original intent.

Andrew Davies, screenplaywright for THE version of Pride and Prejudice, is the writer for this new S & S. He had a tough act to follow, but he was still able to add some new insights to this story. Here are the things that I loved:

1) Mrs. Dashwood is much younger than the widow in Thompson's screenplay. This makes very good sense; after all, Margret is supposed to be, what, 10? I think to put Elinor's mother in her mid-forties is very appropriate. She is also much more tragic. She doesn't easily accept her new lot; I think when she married her much older husband she was probably a lot like her daughters: very genteel, but with a modest fortune. Without having a very upper-class background, she would never have been an appropriate wife for the late Mr. Dashwood, and nobody ever makes suggestion that she was unworthy to be his wife. She has raised daughters with excellent manners and refined tastes. The expression on her face when they come to their windswept cottage on the coast is great acting: like she's just been hit over the head with a ton of bricks by the life they've given up. Elinor is forcefully, practically, optimistic and Marianne is poetic and romantic, but their mother is devastated.

"Elinor, can we really live like this?" Elinor replies, "Once a fire is lit, it should be quite cheerful." And then mother's low voice, "But who is going to light the fire?" (I'll save Elinor's brilliantly characteristic reply. Better yet, watch the clip.) Even at the end of the story, when she willingly pounds bread with her daughter, she insists they be arranged as proper ladies in the parlor when Edward arrives, even though there is no expectation of any chance with him.

I did think her "If I had been mistress of Norland, my girls would never have been treated like this!" is a bit didactic. We get it, Mr. Davies, you didn't have to state it so bold or dramatically. Instead of making us feel sorry for Mrs. Dashwood, as we're probably meant to, it makes us think, "But you aren't! And if Willoughby would leave over such a thing, then do you really want him to marry your daughter?"

2) I'm not sure if it is directing or writing, but the candelight all the time was a nice touch, and it made so much more sense than a movie like Pride and Prejudice that is so delightfully light all the time that one would think England is perpetually sunny even at night! I had truthfully never picked up on this anachronsim before until I saw this version. At first I was annoyed, "Why is it dark all the time?" Well, this was before electric light. It WAS dark much of the time, and if it was a cloudy day . . . . you get the picture.

Someone on Youtube laughed about these ladies feeling like they would barely survive with a mere two servants, but think seriously about what it would be like to attempt to live without power. All of the things I can accomplish in a day are because of electricity. Without it, just putting food on the table and having clean clothing to wear becomes an all-consuming day-to-day task. These women were not used to working like that. The lighting in the movie helps to emphasize just how much more subsistence their lives became when they lost their fortune.

3) Opening with the seduction scene was shocking and, well, brilliant. I will leave you to read Nem's review to hear her opinions on this.

4) Willoughby's character is written totally differently in this screenplay than the other. In Thompson's version, you have this gorgeous actor whom you can almost forgive for being carried away with his passion. He is not a weasel, just larger than life. He wanted to marry Marianne, but he just couldn't, poor guy. You never have, by his own admission, any proof that his attentions to Marianne were less than honorable. Even Colonel Brandon acknowledges this to Elinor. In the Davies version, on the other hand, Mr. Willoughby is set up to be a complete scoundrel before you even seen a single main character. Before our story even begins, his depravity has set a chain of events in motion that cannot be undone.

He is weasly and charming from the beginning. He isn't nearly as handsome as Thompson's Willoughby and this seems to make his manner more false--like he is trying extra hard to be pleasing, that his words and actions are more calculated. I never wanted this Marianne to be with this Willoughby. In Thompson's version, I wanted Willoughby to turn his life around and do the right thing.

Davies also made a brilliant move by including the scene when Willougby, tortured and unhappy (great!) comes to Cleveland to seek and audience with Elinor. The book even left me with the impression that our charming hero is hoping that Marianne knows he came: I think he hasn't given up hope that she might be his mistress. Elinor, for all her gentility, proves that quiet dignity doesn't have to be weakness in her rebuff. I thought it was a great addition, rather than having Colonel Brandon deliver the whole story.

5) The introduction of Anne, the older Steele sister, was one of my favorite parts. This is the classic, stock, comic-relief character always found in the background in Austen novels. She is exactly like the book, and the casting of a girl with such horsey teeth really completes the picture for me. This new Lucy, I think, is well-written. Much more conniving, or at least played that way, than Thompson's Lucy. Unfortunately, the scene where Anne Steele really shines is actually a scene I don't like. But I haven't gotten to my dislikes quite yet.

6) I did not like all of Davies' non-book scenes, but he is very good at this. It is like he has the finger on the pulse of what women want even more than on Austenian intention and culture. (Think, Colin Firth fencing, getting out of the tub, swimming in his pond and meeting Elizabeth soaking wet--that is ALL Davies, not Austen). One of these was of the two sisters under the covers: Marianne saying, "I keep thinking about that girl and her baby. What do men want from us? Do they even see us as people, or just play things?" Good questions. Austen, however, is brilliant enough that she is able to raise her issues without such bald statement. Thompson's screenplay does some of this kind of thing, too. Like when she is horseback riding with Edward and talking about his profession: "Except you will inherit your fortune. We can't even earn ours," or to Margaret's question about why they can't stay at Norland, "Because fortunes pass from father to son, dearest, not father to daughter; it is the law."

7) Brandon tells Elinor that the woman he first fell in love with was given in marriage to his brother. This, I believe, is true to Austen's original, which makes his story really all that much more sad. Again, this is Austen's subtle way of bringing up the unfairnesses in her society: why was Brandon denied his first true love? Only because he was a second son and not the eldest. In Thompson's version, it is Sir Middleton's mother-in-law that first brings this out: we are never certain if she has the story right or if it is just gossip, which fits better with her character. In the book, this well-meaning busy-body even calls the forsaken orphan Brandon's love-child, a claim he later refutes. A further level of intrigue that neither screen play touches.

8) I love the horrible, fat red-headed child of Fanny and John's who never says a word. Enough said.

All in all, this new version is very good. However, there are some things that I didn't like, though I hope my pointing them out doesn't affect your viewing pleasure at all.

1) With the exception of Elinor, who I did think was as good as (and younger than) Emma Thompson, The acting was inferior. But what can be done? Ang Lee's film reads like a Who's Who of British actors. Poor Marianne! I would not want to follow Kate Winslet into any role. Though I'd always thought Alan Rickman (Sheriff of Nottingham, Severus Snape) to be a bit of an odd choice for Colonel Brandon, he is very good from his first minutes on screen ("The air smells of spices.") Rickman is intense, serious, tragic and devoted without being so wooden or lurky like this new guy. The new guy did, however, grow on me when I realized that he reminded me so much of Liam Neeson.

2) Though well in tune with female romantic sensibilities, I don't think Davies has quite as good an ear for natural sounding dialogue between women as Thompson. Elinor's revelation, Marianne's change of heart, the reason she became ill, her recovery after Willoughby's initial departure, etc. all of these scenes play better in Thompson's version. (Think: Elinor calmly sipping her tea while Margret slams doors, and her mother and sister cry in their rooms. Perfect.)

3) Just as I liked some of Davies' liberties with the original, there are others I didn't like. The fencing, though very sexy, was fairly ridiculous and possibly another anachronism. I've read that dueling, even in the early 1800's, was mostly out of fashion simply because it was illegal. Also, if it had been an actual duel (hm . . .hm . . . .usually done with pistols by the 1820's), Willoughby would have been killed. It would have been considered cowardly for Brandon to challenge and then leave him alive. Also, its placement in the story is a bit strange. The duel should have taken place right when Mr. Willoughby arrived in London--immediately after the discovery of his indiscretion. Instead, the screenplay implies it takes several weeks later, as Marianne is reading her letter of rejection from the cad himself. The director inserts the duel there implying that Brandon is fighting for Marianne's dishonor as well as the poor orphaned girl.

5) The revelation that Lucy was engaged to Edward was initially funny, but then the scene played too long with Edward's arrival. The scene became stilted, awkward. In all fairness, this was a tough act to follow. One of Thompson's best scenes is that hideous actress who plays Fanny leaning in to Lucy saying, "I am the soul of discretion." Lucy confides and feathers fly everywhere while Fanny physcially attacks her. Hilarious. I also like finding out that Edward's refusal to disengage himself from Fanny happens off-screen. For all his understated character, he really is the hero of our story, and we don't want to see him openly avow that he wants to be married to Lucy.

4) Davies' characterizations of Sir Middleton and his mother-in-law are way off. Thompson makes them funny and good-natured. Davies makes them annoying and rude. Austen is better played witty than dark.

5) Which leads me to my last complaint. It was dark. At least darker than I expected. Ang Lee's film is beautiful, light, sunny. This Barton cottage might have been a better setting for Wuthering Heights. The rain and the wind was such a defining part of their new home that I had great difficulty ever feeling they settled in. I was cold the whole time I watched. Now, it is likely that this was the intention of the director, but the mood was opressive at times. I really don't like Austen played oppressively: it just doesn't sit right. (I know, I know, this seems like a contradiction to what I said about the lighting before. Live with it. But I'm not talking so much about lighting here as tone.)

Now, to the subject I'm sure everyone wants to talk about, but I've avoided almost entirely to this point: Edward Farris. This new Edward is adorable, charming, passionate and filled with integrity. Hugh Grant only scores 1/4 on this criteria, if this is the criteria we are looking at. This is a big "if."

The Youtube audience gushed, almost embarrassingly so, over our current Edward incarnation, fairly leaving Hugh Grant in the dust. But I have to maintain that Edward, as written by Thompson, directed by Lee and played by Grant is what Austen had in mind. He is shy, awkward, gawky and insecure. He didn't fall for Lucy because he is brave or passionate or even friendly toward the underdog. It was because he was idle and lacked confidence. He tells Elinor as much. Besides, Lucy is a manipulator. She trapped Edward as surely as she wrangled an invitation to Lady Middleton's for the express purpose of trying to bury Elinor. Falling in love with Elinor was more accidental than by design and he is never able to tell her why he can't move forward.

Elinor's Edward would NEVER have been so flirty about the banging of the rugs (another added scene): especially when he hadn't been properly introduced. Elinor's manner to him when he teases her about the rugs shows that she even thinks he is cheeky. In fact, in nearly every scene Edward is just MORE than I've always pictured him.

However, having said this (I have to; I'm a bit of purist when it comes to Austen, if you hadn't yet picked up on that), I think my favorite scene in the whole show is the first minute of this clip. The rain, Elinor's face under that shawl, Edward's frustration. Oh. It. Is. Good. I wanted Edward to 'fess up and crawl under Elinor's lovely yellow wrap and pour out his heart. In the book, as in this adaptation, Edward does come to Barton and is depressed and moody, though nobody can pinpoint the reason. The chopping wood bit where his gaurd is let down is consistent with his character during this portion of Austen's story.

So, while the purist in me is skeptical of this Edward, the romantic in me thinks he is wonderful. Who would look twice at Hugh Grant with this guy around? But maybe my review title refers to Edward Cullen . . . hmm. The world may never know.

Now, it has been said that brevity is the soul of wit. Again, refer to Nem's review (her whole blog for that matter) if you want wit. I will have to settle for thoroughness.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Bliss

Two words: Dri-lux.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Communication

Some weeks back, my favorite RS teacher (at least in this ward) gave a lesson on a topic I don't remember. But I do remember something really insightful that she said. She was very honest when she said that prayer was hard for her. She said that she often forgot to do it, and often felt like answers weren't really forthcoming to her. I was surprised, because I often feel the same way and feel strange when people go on and on about their great prayer experiences, when my own have been more rare.

Then, this teacher went on to say that she thinks just as people have different ways of communicating with one another and with learning, perhaps the Lord approaches us in our own way too. She said that though her talent for prayer was not strong, she believed her talent for meditation was, because her answers would often come after some days of thinking deeply about a particular situation or event. She taught that there were a LOT of ways for the Lord to communicate with us, the important thing was to keep the various channels open--prayer, scriputre study, doing our callings, temple attendance, etc.--and not get discouraged if it seems everyone around us is better at getting an answer. Diligence and patience would eventually show us the ways the Lord can best communicate with us.

For me? I think I've figured out that it is the temple. I'm kind of a stressed-out multi-tasky person in general, and the calmness of the temple for nearly two hours helps me to let enough of that go that I'm perhaps better in tune. I've had some really cool experiences in the temple, some of which are really sacred, and all of which have grown my testimony in amazing ways. I've realized that one of the biggest challenges to living in this part of the Northwest is that our nearest temple is a couple of hours away. I know that for most people in the world, this is not any kind of a distance, but it is a new experience for me. (Even on my mission I attended the temple at least once during my time in each area: at one point the temple was only a five-minute bus-ride away.) A Saturday mid-morning session, if my hubby and I want to go together, costs nearly $30 in gas and finding someone to babysit three kids for a whole day. This is NOT easy.

So, last time Plantboy was in Portland on business, he took part of an evening to go, and today I'm going up without him on the ward bus. I'm excited--this is a thing I've never done before. I feel like I'm REALLY out of Utah now! Maybe it is the sacrifice to get there? Maybe it is the evening away from my kids? I don't know why, but I'm really looking more forward to this evening at the temple than I have in a long, long time. Maybe I'm hoping the Lord will speak to me tonight. I hope I'm prepared to listen.

Happy Conference weekend!

Monday, March 31, 2008

Recipe Call Out

Does anybody have a good recipe for a cilantro and lime vinaigrette? Just checking.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Officially Fed Up

Hm . . . . for a couple of weeks now I've been wanting to post the fabulous pictures from Plantboy's beautiful new vegetable and fruit garden. I have all these ideas rolling around in my head about how planting a garden is such a great example of faith, how gardens represent beauty and permanence, how much my kids love being outside, etc.

But, today, I scraped an inch of snow and ice off my car to deliver papers, was snowed on delivering papers, and didn't warm up until four hours after I'd been home. I'm waiting to get the stomach flu my men have passed around this week from being cooped up in the house, and I've done 10 loads of laundry in the last five days.

So, instead of glorying in the beauties of Mother Nature's awakening, I AM OFFICIALLY COMPLAINING ABOUT WINTER TO WHOMEVER WILL LISTEN.

That's all.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Monsters and Love Triangles and Why I Can't Breathe Life Into a Real Woman

I finally broke down and read the third Stephenie Meyer book. Now, don't go looking all smug on me. I've known that I would, I was just waiting for someone to loan me a copy and a day to read it.

Well, the stars were all in alignment today and so I read it. I guess you can call that one sitting if you subtract out time to provide nourishment to the children, clean up throw up, do two loads of laundry, wipe several poopy bums and generally (if abstractedly) offer encouragment to my wonderfully patient children.

I was pleased to see Bella use a few "hells." We are after all, dealing with very tense situations and Bella is not, herself, a Mormon. Bella still loves to say "crap" more often than most people I've ever met, but if Meyer LOVES her editors, than who am I to argue? (And while I'm not arguing, I won't bring up her dialogue that goes on for ages and doesn't always move the plot, and how you sometimes lose the thread of the conversation because every expression, nuance, and utterance is painstakingly recorded. But I digress again.)

Once again, Meyer has written a highly entertaining, even engrossing, story based on a very clever plot. Her symbols rooted in sappy and dark romance novels are apt, as her descriptions are thorough. Her love triangle story is truly wrenching and, yes, it must be admitted, VERY sexy.

(Note here on the last word: I wouldn't let my teenage daughter near this stuff without careful screening first. There is plenty of bald attraction tied up in Meyer's brand of love with Bella herself twisting the need for sex to be stronger than marriage. I know that this book would have ruined STM age 16 from any REAL relationship for a long time.)

But the more I read, the more I think Bella is a real . . . .

I won't say it. I won't. This blog is G, or maybe PG rated, but I wasn't going to fill in sweetheart after the ellipse. More like the exact opposite. To her credit, she realizes, too late (a whole book too late for you Jacob fans out there), what a monster she is and even owns it up to both men she loves. Who, of course, are willing to forgive her for every twisted situation she thrusts these two into. Is Bella weak? Or is she so strong that she wreaks havoc on every life that becomes even remotely connected to hers? Hmm. . .

Maybe that is the point. I've realized lately, as I've been looking through some of my old writing material and formulating ideas for new, that I have a much easier time writing a believable male character than a female one. I finish my stories and find myself really liking my men for their humanity. Their struggles and imperfections make them, well. . . perfect.

On the other hand, my female characters are all very together. Oh, sure, bad things happen to them, but they bear it with amazing fortitude and strength. Their faults are not really faults: more like quirks that just make them more lovable. You know, the "acceptable" imperfections--shyness, stubborness, powerful independence, not-quite-beautiful, lonely, girls-that-don't-cook, that kind of thing. No big, overpowering character flaws. The bad things, really bad things, that happen to them are hardly ever the consequences of their own choices.

Why is this?

I'm not sure, though I've given it a lot of thought lately. First of all, most of the women I'm really close to, admire, want to be friends with, etc., are AMAZING. And while they are not all alike, they are each strong, incredibly strong, in their own way. When I write a novel, it is engrossing. My thoughts are consumed by characters, situations, events. Some of which, I must admit, I feel I have very little control over. If I am going to spend, literally, hundreds of hours at my computer to produce a work of (probably mediocre) fiction, I want to feel like I'm among friends.
Also, my favorite books have always been peppered with incredible girls and women. When I read stories of undeveloped or weak women I am unimpressed, bored and ruthless in my critique. This is not merely a development of my adult life. In the 9th grade, we read a book called "Izzy Willy-Nilly" by Paula Danzinger (I think). The story was of a girl who was really awful--petty, popular, mean--who lost a leg (or both legs?) in a car accident. Afterward she went through this big life change, but she pretty much cried all the time and she still wasn't great to people. I hated this book for some reason and I thought Izzy was not tough. At. All. Didn't Nem post a few months back about the dying-of-terminal-cancer novels we all loved as teenagers? I think this was in the same vein. Anyway, I hated my English teacher and I really challenged the idea of Izzy's bravery, out loud, in class in front of my more indifferent and acquiesing peers. I remember that teacher's mean, little eyes burrowing right into mine, daring me to have a different opinion. And I did.

How ridiculous! Do I really think I'd be tough or brave for two minutes if I lost my legs? No, of course not. Because I'm HUMAN. Just like the other women I know. Maybe that is real strength--carrying on in the face of our humanity. Our limitations.

Some years back I had a friend going through a very difficult situation. A situation I didn't learn about until after the fact and from somebody else. I spoke with my mother about the incident and was in disbelief that I had never seen this difficulty coming, and that she had hidden it so carefully from me, a good friend. My mother said a couple of things that revealed much to me about myself. She said that I was an intensely loyal friend, and that this loyalty sometimes made me blind to a person's real character. She said that I was sometimes better at seeing people as I wanted them to be than how they really were. On the other hand, my good opinion was really important to my friends and they would do anything to maintain that image in my eyes. Her words confused me. The upshot was basically that I translate my high self-expectations into high expectations for those around me. And while, this often makes people want to be better, it also makes them feel like they can never really be themselves around me. They are too afraid of my criticism.

I was a little bit speechless by her forthright assessment of my character, but in the years since I've come to see just how much she hit the nail on the head. I'm not sure that even getting that our there in the open has changed me much. I'm painfully aware now of the way I unwittingly alienate people, but I don't always rein in my personality to make more friends and be more inclusive, either.

I'm embarking on a new writing project. I'm creating a female character who has many faults. Real ones. Deep and hard to expose or expunge. But she too will be strong. I just can't help it. Women ARE strong. But I'm going to try to make her vulnerable, too. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally have created a character that I don't just look up to, but one that I identify with. Wish me luck.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Political Rally?

Obama is coming to the U of O tonight.

I have said to myself for weeks if one of the president-wanna-bees made a stop here, I would go. Especially Senator Obama.

But now I'm not so sure. He won't take the stage until 10 pm. Hubby would want to go too, so we'll have to get a babysitter. Papers at 3am. Four hours of sleep last night. Busiest day of my life today. (Okay, like anyone can know that, and I did make time to BLOG for crying out loud.) Parking will be a nightmare. The arena will be packed with thousands of screaming college students, which makes me really feel every minute of my nearly 33 years. We'll have to get there hours before he speaks . . . .

Maybe I'm getting too old for this kind of thing?
Maybe I just was never that spontaneous to begin with?

If only Desmama lived close . . .

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Teachers

I've just read another story this morning about a couple of teachers doing something stupid in front of students. I say "another" because I can't believe how many of these I've read recently. It seems FoxNews would have the public think that teachers are little more than violent, uncontrolled pedophiles preying on our children.

And while it might be obvious to point out that these teachers are the exception rather than the rule, there is still painfully little good press for public schools these days. In case you haven't heard the latest funding debacle, Governor Swcharnegger's balanced budget plan for California next year includes pink slips to 20% of the teachers (not administrators) currently employed in the school system. I'm sure that will do a lot for classroom size, student management and learning.

School is getting to be a harder and harder environment to work in all the time. Granted, school has always been a place where kids assert a degree of independence and, particularly as they get older, spend a fair amount of time unsupervised. I had an acquaintance tell me the other day that she'd heard in the last 10 years or so that our public schools are turning out dumber and dumber kids every year. She cited some random statistic (you know, 90% of statistics are made up on the spot), and sounded very authoritative. I've thought about her remarks the last few days. As a person who has, and will again, make her living by teaching public school and who will send my children to public school, I feel a very personal stake in how it all works out.

Schools do need work, and though throwing money at a problem won't solve it, correctly applied money could do a lot--better equipment; technology that allows teachers to communicate quickly, effectively and transparently with home; clean, well-lit buildings; a student-teacher ratio that doesn't exceed 25:1 (and much less before 3rd grade); assessments not merely based on testing; revamped and respected vocational programs in high schools . . . .

I could go on, but I won't. I think that any one of you could look at your child's public school and see a place where improvement is needed. In fact, schools that function the best are schools that have a lot of local control with a powerful community of parents, administrators and teachers pulling for common goals. In my mind, this control is why charter and private schools have gained so much ground in recent years. As they are not tied to federal funding, and therefore the accountability standards of No Child Left Behind, the schools are run as the community sees fit, not as bureaucrats in Washington mandate.

The elephant in the room that nobody is talking about is classroom management. Oh, the discussion on out-of-control classrooms is masked under more funding for "teacher training," but it doesn't address the heart of the issue. College (particularly for science and math teachers) is already rigorous and certification requirements are getting worse and worse all the time. What teachers are unprepared for when they walk in the door to the classroom is the chaos that often awaits there. And while the best teachers know the fine art of classroom management (a skill almost impossible to acquire if you don't have a feel for it) and can keep a classroom in line, there are far too many kids coming to school socially unprepared for the school experience because their homes have set them up to fail long before their school careers begin.

Let me explain:

Children who spend hours a day watching television--particularly television filled with commercials and programming only valuable as entertainment--will have a very difficult time concentrating in school, even if they have no disorder to speak of. School will not be funny enough, exciting enough or instantly gratifying enough to compare to the lives of the people they see on TV. And don't even get me started on the sex: even during commercials for programs (usually sports) that have NOTHING to do with sex.

Children who watch any kind of programming where adults are treated with a great degree of sarcasm, sassiness and disrespect will interact with the greater world this way, thinking it is appropriate. Or if not appropriate, at least hilarious to their peers, and sometimes all they are looking for is a laugh.

If your son or daughter takes a cell phone to school then they are more likely to cheat on tests, pass texty notes during class and be in violation of school policies. I believe kids are losing the ability to concentrate on and follow the nuances of a face to face conversation because of cell phone use and text messaging. I currently tutor a student who thinks nothing of listening to music, IM-ing on her computer, texting on her phone, surfing the web and watching television all AT THE SAME TIME. But to ask her to concentrate on her science for 15 minutes? It is like pulling teeth. She is impatient and antsy. She is also 100 pounds (at least) overweight. She is 13. What kind of a future does a child like this have, even though she is generally very sweet?

Dress codes are nearly impossible to enforce when parents allow their children to leave that morning wearing tight or revealing clothes. As for the boys? Their own tee-shirts now are riddled with suggestive and disrespectful sayings. Even young boys. These things are so detracting from a learning environment that even the best management makes it difficult to keep a class of hormonal teenagers in line.

If you have allowed your children to be in charge entirely at your house--calling their own shots about bedtime, what kind of groceries you buy, no consequences for naughty behavior, etc. then they are likely to be sassy, temperamental and argumentative at school.

If a normal child (meaning no disease or disorder) under the age of 14 or 15 is morbidly overweight, that is almost always a parenting failure. Kids this overweight have health problems that keep them from full participation at school, sleep apnea that affects their brain development and social issues that can dog them for life.

Kids who are never required to be still, play by themselves, or focus on a task for more than a minute or two will find school boring. On the other hand, kids who have been read to frequently and taught that hard work is a joy, will begin to understand the long term benefits of daily attendance at school.

Lax parents often complain of teachers not being kind enough to or forgiving enough of their slacker children. I agree that teachers need to treat children with respect, kindness and even charity. But I don't agree that teachers should dismiss rude behavior or lower their expectations because a child's home is run that way. How forgiving do these parents think cops, judges and bosses will be? Particularly in this age of VAST amounts of information, school has to do far more than just teach information (they can never teach enough), they are attempting to teach young people to function in a social framework, which, love it or leave it, involves conformity to appropriate social norms.

If you think your child is lazy at school because he is brilliant--you are probably wrong. I have had many parents give me this excuse over the years when the truth was that junior could hardly tie his shoelaces without a diagram and someone to hold his hand (I'm not talking about kindergartners here). In the last ten years I've worked with probably 1000 students (a small sample compared to more veteran teachers), but I can only think of one or two students that I thought fit the "brilliant so I misbehave/tune out" scenario. Chances are, your kid is just pretty average like most other kids. Sure, he is the world to you and you see his gifts in a way that others don't, but just make sure you are honest about his limitations too. Others will be. And don't expect your child's teacher to treat her as the most special kid in the room. Each child is worth more focus than they can reasonably get at school. It is YOUR job to give the kind of attention your child needs, not her teacher. Even the very best teachers are frustrated by the logistical demands of trying to help each child as much as they need helped.

Even a few years ago (when I first started teaching in the late 90's), a teacher in an average school might have a handful of kids in a classroom of 30 that were difficult. This could mostly be dealt with by seating charts and teacher proximity. But when a teacher with 35 students and 33 desks has ten or fifteen students with classroom behavior issues, it becomes nearly impossible to keep problem students separate from one another.

A generation of children is being raised up with too few checks on their behavior. The best parenting advice I ever got was from my mom when she said, "Somebody is going to be in charge at your house. It may as well be you: you are the grown-up." Yes, public schools need to be smaller, better equipped and staffed with better trained teachers, but they need to be attended by children who have been taught to respect adults, concentrate on tasks that are difficult and understand that there is a real difference between public and private behavior.

I am a great believer in a (relatively) free public education for every child: I think it is at the heart of any democratic society. But if our homes are failing, then our schools cannot succeed.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

An Easter Haiku

the dawn comes early
life symbols abound, but please
pass the Cadb'ry Eggs

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Perspective

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to the NPR podcast on religion. The story, at first, confused me. It was about how women in Turkey, an Islamic country, have finally won the right to wear head scarves in public places.

Huh?

Apparently Turkey, which has a strict separation of church and state like the rest of Europe, has never allowed any form of religious expression in its public buildings, such as universities. The head scarf counts as a form of religious expression. Conservative Muslims have won a victory to be public about their faith. Women's rights advocates are split on the issue--some say it is a huge step forward that women have lobbied to be able to do this and now they can, others say it is a huge step backward toward a government controlled by conservative clerics who were also pushing for this to pass.

My husband and I spoke about this story this morning over breakfast, and how the idea that Church and State should be separate is fundamental to democracy, and therefore to our right to practice the religion that we choose. Ironic, that. The tricky part is that the extent to which they should be separate means different things to different people.

When I was in high school (yes, yes, living in 1993 again for a minute, bear with me), there was a landmark case that went before the Supreme Court that I knew only sketchy details about: details given to me by a very conservative government teacher. The upshot of the case was that a suit was brought before the Court by the ACLU in which the Court determined that it was unconstitutional to perform various religious practices at public forums. Local ACLU chapters all over the country threatened to sue schools attempting to hold prayers at their graduations in spite of the ruling.

The ruling made me mad, despite not being that overtly religious, and having lots of friends who were probably more atheistic than other-religioned. I wrote a speech, very loosely based on facts with a few "historical quotes" (or at least here say quotes) thrown in. I won many awards for myself and our debate team with that angry and eloquent speech. I chafed when we studied President Benson's pride talk in Seminary about where he said that civil disobedience and breaking the laws of the land was a form of pride, as some of us began looking at ways to go ahead and pray at graduation anyway. After all, the Supreme Court had effectively legislated from the bench, right? That didn't make it a law.

We did pray at our graduation. Despite threats of withheld diplomas if we did so, most of our class broke into a circle just before marching onto the field and one of our class officers prayed very loudly. Many who didn't care about the issue, happily joined in, it was a just a prayer, but it was one last act of high school defiance so it was worth doing. There were 1000 students in my graduating class. No diplomas were withheld for the prayer.

Now to the point in my title. Some years later, living in Texas, I picked up a random copy of a magazine (no idea which) that was some years old. There was an article in the magazine about the case. I thought it looked interesting and began to read. In that half and hour, my eyes were open in a way that months of lobbying and speech-making had never done.

The case, which eventually made it to the Supreme Court in the early 90's, actually began a few years earlier in South Texas. A Mormon girl was attending a high school with a strong born again Christian, particularly Baptist, population. She did not have a lot of friends, most students at the school thought she was a member of a cult and headed straight for Hell. The students set about actively trying to convert her, as they did other "non-believers" at the school. One of the favorite tactics, encouraged by a local minister, was to share a free copy of the Bible. The girl was pressed time and again at school to take a Bible. She always refused, saying that she had one at home, which she did.

Well, from there, the simple offer of conversion turned to outright harassment. When she sought help from a trusted teacher she was told, "I don't see what the big deal is; just take the Bible." She was effectively told the same thing by a school principal frustrated by what he saw as her stubbornness. School became a living nightmare for this girl, and she began to receive threats. There was another girl at the school, Catholic by birth but not really a believer, who was taking similar harassment and the two became friends.

When nobody at the school or even district level would satisfy the parents of the two girls in regard to the bullying, they sought an attorney who would take their case. The ACLU, of course, jumped all over it. Rather than focus on the Bible issue--probably protected under free speech--they instead looked at the broader school community for practices that were clearer violations of a separate church and state. The second amendment is a little tricky: it is true that laws cannot be passed to permit a person from freely exercising their religion, but a government entity also cannot do anything that suggests they are trying to establish a religion either. The ACLU learned that the community held a prayer prior to every football game in the school's stadium: this invocation was always given by one of a small handful of Christian preachers from an area church. There were other things going on in the community too, but this prayer issue became the hot-button topic.

Anyway, the aftermath of one little Mormon girl trying to just practice her religion as well as get a free, fair and safe public education ended up with national repercussions. As I read that article, I began to walk two moons in her moccasins. What if that girl had been me? Or my daughter? Or a friend? Would I have been so critical of their decision to seek legal help when all efforts at a local fix had been thwarted? How would I react to the emotional bullying that girl had been given? And while the ACLU probably hoped to get just the right, high-profile case to make their point in a national court, I doubt that girl and her parents expected such a long, drawn-out battle.

Before somebody misunderstands, I'm not necessarily saying that prayer and religious expression in public places is bad (aside: the Ten Commandments on county courthouses, etc. kind of drives me nuts, though. Our laws are really not based on most of the commandments. Not. At. All. Adultery isn't criminal. Coveting and various forms of idolatry are practically encouraged by a capitalist society. Swearing? Great! Lying? Everyone's doin' it, just don't do it under oath. Okay, the biggies--stealing, murder--those still carry some weight, but the rest? I can appreciate it is more a Judeo-Christian value symbol, but I still think those who are pushing so hard just need to give it a rest. End aside.), and I think that communities need some local control and discretion regarding how these issues are approached. However, now that I've moved around some and seen a little bit more about what it means to be a minority (mostly religiously/culturally, though I taught at a school where it was racially also), I can see that keeping religion, particularly practice, not fundamental decency or morals, out of public life is the very thing that protects those of us who DO choose to practice our religions.

The religious litmus test that so many candidates now must pass--Republican or Democrat--is not what our founders had in mind. I think the question "Is ____ a fundamentally good person?" is very different than "Is ___ a religious person?" It is important to remember, for all their intelligence, morality and inspiration, most of our founding fathers were not religious. They didn't go as far as Marx ("religion is the opiate of the people") but they believed in humanity's ability to rise above any circumstance through study, hard work and good governance. Most of them believed that God had basically set the world spinning and then walked away.

I guess all of these thoughts above are why I'm nervous to chain my wagon to the Conservative Christian voting block. I'd like an America where everyone is welcome.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Shameless Self Promotion: But Aren't They So Cute?

The family pictures I had taken at JC Penny a few weeks back really did turn out beautifully. Unfortunately, JC Penny is nazi when it come to protecting their intellectual property: the only way for me to get a digital copy of my own kids' pictures was to pay $100 for a CD. Really. If I had known that when they took them, I probably would have JUST ordered the CD, but what do you do?

Anyway, take a minute to watch the videos. I think little kids can only be fully appreciated in action. They never hold still long enough for any other medium.

The first video is called "The Youngling."

The second is called "Freckle-Nose: The Short-legged Racer."

This is the baby who is rolling over so quickly now that there is hardly time to change his diaper. His video is titled "Baby G." The background noise was a rousing game of Candyland.