2009 Report

Our Young Women's Lesson on Sunday was about goal setting. The teacher asked us to write five goals we would like to accomplish in the next five years. I admit that I found the task slightly intimidating. It was an odd sensation really. I began carrying a Day-Timer in the 8th grade and upgraded to an actual Franklin Planner by the time I was 16. For years I was married to the book and to my plan and to my will. Then I had a baby and left the work force. Oh, schedules and lists are still a part of my basic Type A sensibilities, but if I have learned anything about a five year plan it is that LIFE HAPPENS.

Even as I wrote down my goals--realistic, achievable, ambitious goals--I thought I heard the sound of Heavenly Father giving a little chuckle. Does this sound sacrilegious? I'm sorry. I don't mean it to be. It is just that sometimes I think God watches our plans with a wry smile, knowing so much better than we do what is ahead.

I don't think it means that we shouldn't make goals and plans, nor that we should work to realize our dreams. Maybe it means that I need to be more mindful of what the Lord wants for me.

As I look at my goals from last year, I see that they involve a lot of day to day improvements, and my goals have really helped to guide my behaviors this year. Yet, at the same time, they haven't helped me with any long term plans. Where do I see myself in five years? What do I want out of life? Why is it so hard to find answers to these questions? (Answer: because my diet has consisted of chocolate, Martinelli's, egg nog and homemade rolls for the past week. Not exactly brain food.)

So here is my analysis of how well I did this year. My new set of resolutions will show up some time next week.

1. I will read my scriptures over breakfast each morning and before doing any other reading for the day.

I did better with this one than I did last year. In the spring I purchased a set of inexpensive scriptures and began marking them according to the referenced scriptures from the conference talks. This system has given me a goal for my daily-ish study and I like the organization of it. I have also listened quite extensively to the conference talks from this year on my iPod when I do my early morning paper route.

2. I will spend at least 15 minutes daily reading to my baby.
I'm certainly more cognizant of this now, but still not as consistent as I need to be.

3. I will cook one new recipe each month.
I haven't posted these as regularly in the last few months, but I think it is safe to say that I did accomplish this one. We have a few yummy new dishes in our regular repertoire of meals and this was a fun undertaking. I just finished reading (yes, reading) a cookbook that I got for Christmas (make that 49 books) that originally started as blog. And yes, the cookbook reads more like a blog. Anyway, she has some wonderfully fattening recipes I'm looking forward to trying in the coming months. I enjoyed this read so much that I've added the Pioneer Woman to my blogroll and axed Feminist Mormon Housewives. Ah! Liberation!
4. I will continue reading my stack of classics.

I actually read a few different ones than the ones in the stack. By my count I read anywhere between 5 and 20 "classics" this year. It depends on what you call classic. My definition is pretty liberal too, twenty it is!

5. Plantboy and I will find a way to get our 10th anniversary trip.

And we did! Remember how awesome it was?

6. I will not count down until my time as Enrichment Leader has been served, nor will I grumble about my calling.

I was released in March, just as I'd come to a lot of really positive and helpful conclusions. Isn't that always the way? I'm sure that at least one of my 2010 goals will involve my current, and much more difficult calling.

7. I will not stop writing.

I didn't, but I have slowed down more than I wanted to. I did self-publish, sort-of, a manuscript read by my book group. I also sent out a manuscript for review by several of you. Thanks for the feedback, by the way. Those of you who have not submitted anything, try to get that finished in the next month, will ya? Thanks. I need to make this goal a lot more specific.

8. I will not use the line of credit on my checking account even once this year.

Okay, I did a few times, but only a couple of times on accident and only a few more times on purpose. This is huge for me.

9. I will not spend more than one hour in any given day between Blogger and Facebook.

Uh. No.

10. I will not let distance keep me from attending the temple at least once each quarter.

Done. But it isn't enough. I miss more regular attendance like a sharp ache. I am in a place right now that I feel like weekly attendance would be wonderful. I might have to compromise with 6 times a year.

Not a bad year all in all. I'm grateful for the lessons I learned and improvements made, incremental as they were. The year end contest (see previous post) will run through the first week in January. I will post the winners when I post goals for 2010. Yes, yes, I know I don't NEED to do so, but I think it really helps to keep me honest when I see them written down, and reporting about them keeps me on track.

I'll finish here with extended family pictures (mine) from Thanksgiving this year. They are a good snapshot of what we all looked like in 2009. Okay, I lied. This blessed photographer re-touched them beautifully--especially the close-ups and made me look like I'd been to the wigmaster. Poor Padawan spent all morning throwing up and still got dragged out into the freezing cold for pictures. And hour later, this meadow was coated with a thick layer of snow and completely dark. Yes, that light sky is totally fake. Thank you, Photoshop.

Aren't my parents still cute after forty years of marriage?

Who needs Botox and zit cream when you have software that lets you make perfect skin? My mom looks like our sister. I think our photographer felt obligated to doctor this one. When she got really close to us I said, "Uh-oh. Pore shot." In the final I don't even HAVE pores.

I don't know why, I but just love this picture of me and my sister. I think it is that death grip hug she has on me--she clearly loves me but isn't quite sure if she wants to strangle me too. If you think we look different, don't worry, the differences go way deeper than that. ;) Still, we are bound together by our shared history and strong personalities. I call her three times a week. She also has three sons--maybe we are both destined to have only boys so that we stay close to one another. Maybe neither of us is willing to have six kids to find out.

I chose this picture of me and my sibs because of the way that orange shirt accentuates my holiday gut. No wait, that can't be the reason. I chose it because as the photographer encouraged us to walk over toward the nasty, moldy hay bales my older brother said in a really nasally voice,"I can't I'm allergic . . ." to which my younger brother, without missing a beat, replied, "Yeah, to the Hantavirus." I just love my brothers.

My understanding of the color scheme was autumn colors. Most everyone else wore blue, though there was a healthy smattering of gray and pink also. The result, the big group shots look a bit disjointed, but the individual families turned out quite good. I mean, except for my poor swine-flu baby.

Year End Contest

So I was thinking of a new contest I wanted to run to finish the year off, and realized that I never really ended the contest called "Balderdash" that I ran back in September. I know, I know, you wish you could be awesome and organized like me. There were a lot of marvelous entries, Nemesis' and CaLM Rapids' entries being the most notable. Jenny's "skint" still has me grossed out. Still, I think my favorite two were Loradona's and Chrisw's. Here they are:

rejava:
1. v (transitive) when you recycle the coffee grounds for more than one pot of coffee. "Hey, this is disgusting; did you rejava the coffee?"
2. v (intransitive) The reaction to drinking recycled coffee. "That was so disgusting it made me rejava."

pubjus:
(plural) a pubju is the newest dog mix/hand-bag size accessory for celebrities. It's a poodle/bulldog/jack-russel/shit-zu. The only thing that exceeds their ugliness is their price tag.
It is rumored that Jessica Simpson is in negotiations to buy one since she lost her beloved maltipoo "Daisy" to a coyote.

A friend of Paris Hilton revealed that when Paris learned Jessica Simpson was getting one she was overheard as saying: "Really, I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those bitches."


When Slim won my last contest I waxed very poetic about how wonderful she is. I will attempt the same here for my current winners. I don't know Loradona very well--only through her blog. She is a committed teacher who wants to teach her students to think for themselves. I can say a little bit more about ChrisW whom I've known for many years. She is, quite simply, one of the best friends I've ever had. I've often mentioned her here, and most of my good back-in-the-day anecdotes involve her. To get an idea about how connected I am to his favorite lass, I'll tell a story from my first year of teaching.

I mostly taught sophomore biology at my first job. The school where I taught was, coincidentally, fed by the junior high where ChrisW taught. After just a few months teaching, one of my students said that I reminded her so much of her 9th grade science teacher. And yes, her teacher was ChrisW. She was my one friend who was there for me after my mission--everyone else had moved on. . . she was like a lifeline to me during a very difficult time.

But enough of that! They are the winners. Each can claim a $10 iTunes card or $10 Barnes and Noble gift card by contacting me on Hotmail at scienceteachermommy.

Now for the current contest. . .

This year I have kept track of the books I've read on a list in the right hand column of my blog. It is quite a long ways down, so I doubt most of you have actually noticed it. In an attempt to tie up some loose ends, and to give you all something to read besides my whining, I am going to do a quick review of each book of the "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" variety.

To enter the contest, you just have to give me a recommendation for next year. I will randomly choose one suggestion for every ten comments and send you an Amazon gift card so that you can choose some from my list too. This is similar to what Janssen does, but her contest is monthly. Yeah, she's awesome like that. I've included titles, but not authors or links (except to blog posts where they were already reviewed). The list is chronological for when I read them, the oldest books are at the end of the list.

• The Pilot's Wife--I only started this book last night. I'm not sure what I think of it yet, and so far it seems to be more of a character sketch of what extreme grief is like. The jacket cover hints at some kind of mystery which sounds interesting.
  
• Life of Pi--This was my second reading of this book, and I loved it even more the second time around. It is a fascinating mix of religion and science, and has something for everyone. Besides being a fantastic adventure story, it is just dang funny. If your book group hasn't done this one, you really should.
  
• Eragon--This was also a second reading, but I did not like this book nearly as well this time. His characters are in constant motion, literally, and it is so clearly a first installment that it almost seems incomplete. An excellent first novel effort, particularly for an author so young, but really not great. Paolini's created world is wonderfully imaginative and exciting, but too much of the book reads like exposition instead of plot.
  
• The Memory Keeper's Daughter-- Blech. I'd heard so much about this book and had high hopes. I just really didn't like any of the characters. The mother in this story is characterized in such a way that makes me think she would have allowed her marriage to self-destruct regardless of her husband's behavior, particularly with the stress of caring for a child with a disability. Worth a pass.
• Heart of Darkness--I actually listened to a free Librovox recording of this one. It was exceptional. I have such a love for this book. I once read that it was also the Unibomber's favorite book. I have no idea what that says about me, if anything. After reading it, several friends and I had a hilarious, memory-lane interaction on Facebook about reading this back in AP Lit in 1992. If you attempt this (most amazing English) novel (ever) then you should do so with notes in hand, or a group of friends to talk about it with. Worth every painful minute and sifting every symbol. Just, wow.
  
• Tuck Everlasting--This was another book I'd heard about from children's lit aficionados and looked forward to reading. It is a quick read, but really so obtuse. Almost too obtuse for the reading level, I think. There was some symbolism with the frog involved, I'm certain of it, but I never quite grasped it. The author creates some very likeable characters, but doesn't really resolve their story at all.
  
• Prince Caspian--I insisted that we do a read aloud of this book before I let the kids watch the movie. It was harder for them to follow than The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I like that CS Lewis doesn't talk down to kids in his books, but some of the verbage just lost the Jedi. The screenplays for both this story and the "first" are just brilliant. Whomever did them took the original simple, stories and emphasized the adventure aspects while adding elements of the effects of the Second World War on these kids. I especially love the movie's characterization of Peter and his juxtaposition to Caspian. Oh, right, it's a book review. Sorry.
  
• Madam Secretary: A Memoir by Madeline Albright--I'm still in the middle of this 800 page behemoth. My non-fiction selections always seem to be on-going, and read while I'm tearing through novels. This book is wonderful. Secretary Albright has been witness to every shaping event in modern history. Her story sheds light on many things, and whether her politics are your taste or not, her story is remarkably compelling.
  
• Sense and Sensibility--Awesome. Of course. As are both movie adaptations. This time around I listened to it from a free iTunes download. This time, the download was done through a company called LoudLit.org and their readers are just volunteers, so each reader didn't do more than a chapter or two before switching to somebody else. Many of the readers were excellent and even properly accented. But there were others . . . oh dear, they were just so bad.
  
• The Number One Ladies Detective Agency--I just discovered this book series this fall when this was a book group pick. It was just wonderful. Another book with something for everyone in it. I would like to read more in the series.
  
• Mansfield Park--I enjoyed this book, as it is impossible not to enjoy Austen. However, I would add that if you are looking to intro yourself to actual Austen (and not just films attempting Austen), this is not your best bet. Go with Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility instead, they are both just perfect.
  
• Invasive Procedures--Orson Scott Card and some other guy wrote this book. I think it was meant to be a screenplay first, and it is actually easier for me to think of this book as a movie. It would probably be fairly entertaining. Mediocre novel. An interesting side note, however: the "other guy" thanked an ex-roommate in his foreword with a rather unusual name. It was somebody I had known in high school before he moved to Panama. I facebooked him (yes, it is a verb) and found out it was the same guy. It was fun to catch up and have a gee whiz, small world moment.
  
• The Scarlet Letter--I also listened to this one for free. The same reader did the entire novel, and was very good. This is such a great American novel, and on a short list of books that really helped to both shape and define a culture. I know the Puritans had to come to the US in order to gain religious freedom, but within their own communities they sure had low tolerance for anyone different. What this book says about sin and redemption is just fascinating.
  
• The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe--I also read this to the kids. They really loved it, this time around anyway. I had attempted a few years ago but they were too young. My eight year-old especially enjoyed it.
  
• The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands--Yeah, I think enough has been said here. Those early commenters to the linked post, however, may want to go back and look. We ended up with a whopping 32 comments, some of which were adamant defenders of this book, and another who credited her husband's belief in the Laura-philosophy for ending her marriage. Good stuff.
  
• Domina--This fascinating book was a look at the difficulty of a woman becoming a doctor in the late 1800's. It was also a horrific analysis of women's health issues at the same time that women's rights in general were being brought to the forefront. This novel shed a bright light on that time period for me. I gained a lot of understanding regarding the history of abortion and contraception. In my dear grandmother's words, "The only thing about the good old days is that they are over." Strictly from a novel standpoint, however, there were problems. There were a lot of anachronisms as well as her protagonist adopting a lot of feminist movement sensibilities and free-love values that seemed almost out-of-sync with both her character and the time period. Interesting, but not amazing.
  
• The Foundling--If you are like Austen and are looking for something along the same lines, try Georgette Hyer. She can't match Austen's subtlety and wit, but she comes in as a fairly close second. This book is one of my favorites of hers, but you might also try Arabella and Sylvester.
  
• Sandition--Good grief, I would love to do a screenplay for this novel. I think it would be a lovely and hilarious Austen adaptation. I loaned my copy out and didn't get it back, but I just found another at the Goodwill last week. One man's trash . . .
  
• Jackaroo--This is a good YA fantasy novel, and a very quick read. The premise is interesting, and the characters very human. Maybe a bit forgettable.
  
• Sundays At Tiffany's--The worst book I read this year. Hands down. Maybe the worst book I read this decade.
  
• Goose Girl--I really enjoy this book, and it always makes me very hopeful about getting published. I think I could write something this good.
  
• The Appeal--Hm . . . I remember liking this the way I've liked nearly every Grisham book. But for the life of me, the plot of this one escapes me though it has just been six months since I read it. So, skip this one and read "The Testment" or "Street Lawyer" instead. Oh! Wait! Election rigging! That's right. I really did like this one. I think if your politics are on the conservative side, however, it will probably make you crazy.
  
• A Year Down Yonder--This book is just so wonderful and completely worthy of its Newberry nod. I actually like everything I've ever read by this author.
  
• A Long Way From Chicago--A companion to the one above. Either one is a good stand-alone, but they are even better together. These books chronicle time spent in the country during the Depression with a crazy (in a good way) grandmother. This one is from a boy's perspective, the other from his sister. Read them to yourself, your kids, the neighbor's kids, the dogs . . . heck, just read them!
  
• Peace Like A River--If you only read one book this year (other than the scriptures, duh!) you MUST read this book. If you hate novels and only read biographies, you still must read this book. My book group is doing this next month and I'm really looking forward to it. I read this kind of novel and think, "Who am I kidding that I would ever get published?" because it is just in a different league entirely. Peace Like a River is the definition of literary fiction and a modern classic. Can I be plainer? GO READ THIS BOOK!
• Reading Lolita in Tehran--This memoir took some time for me to get through, but it was worth it.
  
• On the Banks of Plum Creek--I read several of the Little House books to my kids this year and bought the series, used and cheap, on Amazon. We lost a little bit of steam on them. I had a friend just the other day, however, tell me that Farmer Boy was the best of the series. It is actually the one I've never read. Maybe it is time to try these again.
  
• Angels and Demons--I liked this novel even better than The DaVinci Code. I think the whole science fiction element was really enjoyable. Also, The DaVinci Code reinforces a secret society's existence that is widely thought to be mythical, whereas Angels and Demons debunks the secret society. While preserved in the movie, the Carmelengo's science "vs." religion speech he make to the college of Cardinals, the full length in the book is so much better. I liked the speech so much that it made me really hate the latter plot twist.
  
• Ethan Frome--Another great American novel that makes a very short list of MUST READS. Also a story that is best when studied in conjunction with critical notes of some kind or with a group of friends. In less than 150 pages, Wharton creates something perfect.
  
• Boxcar Children Volume #1--This was a read aloud for the kids. It was this book that really turned Jedi Knight onto chapter books and helped us get over the hump of "aw-Mom-reading-is-just-too-hard" stuff. The kids in these books just have such good manners, and it is so sweet how they look out for each other.
  
• The Scarlet Pimpernel--Mediocre. The movie done in the mid-eighties with Dr. Quinn (what is her actual name?) is MUCH better. Different, but better. The writers of the film must have created a composite from the Pimpernel books to write their story. Too much action takes place "off stage" in the book and, the reader is merely told what happened, not shown. Still, it is very interesting to think about this book in light of the dual-identitied archetype in our society. The Scarlet Pimpernel is the original Batman. Hubba. Hubba.
  
• New Moon--Oh. I think I have said enough. More than enough. And yet, you are welcome to point out that I DID re-read it this year. *sigh*
  
• The Other Boleyn Girl--Trashy. And without enough redeeming value to justify the trashiness. Yes, you are more than welcome to remind me about the cockroach in the ice cream Mormonad. Though, truthfully, this book was more like a pile of cockroaches feeding on dead mice with a scoop of ice cream on top of that. A small scoop.
  
• Twilight--Uh. See New Moon notes. And yes, I re-read this too.
  
• Little House in the Big Woods--See notes for "On the Banks of Plum Creek."
  
• Classic Cases in Medical Ethics--This is a textbook. From college. A wonderful textbook. And oh, yes, I am a complete and total geek. I'll own it.
  
• Little House on the Prairie--See notes for "On the Banks of Plum Creek." And don't you just love the illustrations in this delightful story?
  
• The Blue Sword--I love this book, and its prequel "Hero and the Crown." If you have a daughter aged 12 to 15 (roughly), you should definitely add it to her reading list. These novels are fantasy at its best.
  
• The Well of Shades--This is the third in a series of books by Juliet Murrilier called the "Bridei Chronicles." I read the first two late last year. She is a very good fantasy writer, though I don't find this collection nearly as good as the Sevenwaters books. These are told more from a male perspective and just more graphic in every respect. Still, when the next comes to paperback, I'll probably read it too. The first in this series is still my favorite.
  
• Left To Tell--This incredible memoir recounts the story of a Rwandan Tutsi who spent months on the floor of a bathroom sized four feet by three feet with SIX other women to survive the genocide in her country. The details are shocking, but it is her forgiveness of her enemies and her incredible faith that is the real story. Between this and Albright's book, I have gained a much better sense of the horrors inflicted in Rwanda such a short time ago. We tell stories so we don't forget.
  
• Mrs. Mike--I love this little book so much. I always wonder how much is fiction and where the "real" story is. I first read this book as a teenager and became convinced that if Mr. Darcy wasn't available, then I'd be just as happy married to a Canadian Mounty. Yeah, that is totally normal.
  
• Out of the Dust--A great coming of age novel about the Depression. The story is told in free verse poetic form and is only about 100 pages, but if you read too quickly, you really miss a lot. The story is great, but there are layers upon layers of symbols in it too. A treasure.
  
• Harry Potter (all 7 volumes)--Awesome. Of course. I reviewed all of these right after volume 7 came out. This time around, I read them all in about three weeks last January. Then, in the summer, I read the first three to my older boys out loud. We are taking a break for a while, because I know that as we read each book, they will want to see the movies too. Maybe next summer. But the 30 second trailer that just came out on the Deathly Hallows has me itching to re-read Year 7 again though it hasn't even been a year.
  

Whew! I think that totals 48 books? That is actually kind of a slow year for me, but life has a way of getting in the way. I think my first year of retirement will be spent reading. Every day. All day. I wonder if it would get old?

Contest time. Write down your pick you think I can't live without. Enter twice if you like, but only one pick per comment. Or, to get an entry, you are welcome to tell me how much you loved or hated one of the books I mini-reviewed.

Winter of Discontent

My adorable five year old asked for second breakfast today and I screamed. A long, loud, rip-my- throat-out scream. I was contrite in an instant, pulled him close, apologized profusely and fed him. I tried to busy myself so that I didn't take time to assess my sanity. It didn't work. I think I might be just one train stop shy of crazy town today.

Lately I have felt like that mother bird who works and works and works only to drop food into the mouths of her offspring. I've also felt about as necessary to the functioning of the universe as that bird. Not to mention feeling as drab and brown as she is.

It isn't that I feel like what I do here at home is unimportant. The thought of letting somebody else raise my little men (like in the form of daycare, not as in just chucking it all in a moving to New Zealand) makes me cringe. If I didn't think it was important then I'd find away to go back to work tomorrow. I had these kids. I'm going to raise them.

At some point each day I come to a place where my nerves are frazzled, the frequent bickering and wrestling and nagging threatening to destroy my grip on sanity. Thankfully, I usually get to that place about the time Plantboy gets home and he never questions the need to step in and help while the moment passes, or we cross that threshold just as it is time for them all to go to bed and I can recover for a few hours. Today that moment came at 9:30 a.m.

Yesterday morning I had a few friends over to discuss the book "Life of Pi" with. It was a lovely morning and much-needed for me. (Though several, recent outings have convinced me that having time away from the kids isn't a magic bullet either. The vitality it gives me doesn't seem to last more than a few hours.) We got to talking about depression and isolation in conjunction with the story. One sister said, "I can't imagine what it would be like to be so depressed that you couldn't get out of bed. How can you just drop out of your life?" I smiled and stared vacantly out of the window.

If it wasn't for fear of further disapproval in my sons' eyes, I don't think anything would have motivated me to leave the covers this morning.

Like Pi, I sometimes feel like I'm in an isolated life raft. Trying to tame a tiger. I'm sure that is a metaphor for something but I think I'm too tired to think it through. Hopefully like Pi, my faith will sustain me through this in-between place I have been in for some time now. I need to reconnect with God more carefully so that He can remind me that He knows even the needs of the sparrow.

Thanks for listening. Maybe cleaning the kitchen, again, will clear my head. Or maybe it will just reiterate the futility of fighting the chaos. Oh, dear . . . maybe I'll start by making the bed today o I don't crawl back inside of it. Or getting out of the bathrobe. And no reading of Feminist Mormon Housewives today. I think it might be toxic.

So Exactly What Do YOU Think of High School Sports?

Before beginning, I think it is important to point out that I do realize that I've only got one side of the story. Yet I think the situation is compelling and probably worth talking about.

On Wednesday nights, before they meet for their activities, I have been doing group tutoring with any of the Young Women who are interested in participating. Mostly math, but other things too. We have open enrollment in our city for public schools, so several of our girls go to a high school miles from here. Over the past few years, this particular high school has gained a well-earned reputation for having excellent sports' programs. The demographic of the area also lends itself to a fairly academic school as well. Generally high test scores, plenty of money and the football program have led to a general belief that it is the "best" high school in the city. Because of the open enrollment, parents all over the area put their kids on waiting lists to get in. The school is then able to have a large degree of discretion over who is allowed in. So naturally, as some schools cycle downward, this one is doing just the opposite.

From an LDS perspective, the high school is smack in the middle of the highest density of Mormons in our city (still, admittedly, not high). Coupled with the school's reputation, many local LDS parents try to get their kids into the school.

Now that you have some background I'll get to the point.

Some of the girls I tutor on Wednesdays attend this school, and each has a different math teacher. All men. All on the coaching staff at said high school. And every Tuesday this fall they each have a sub. A sub who doesn't have a clue about high school math.

The girls complain at length about this. They have heard that the coaches hold a day-long meeting every Tuesday in order to watch tape and to strategize. If not, this whole, all-the-football-coaches-are-sick-every-Tuesday thing seems terribly coincidental. I asked the girls if the teachers prepare ahead of time for their absences, and if they are especially helpful when they return.

They laugh and express the opinion that when these men are teaching, they are only halfway interested anyway, and that it is impossible to get the time of day from them unless you are an athlete, or dating one.

Again, one side of the story, and not an unbiased viewpoint. I'm just sayin'.

But what, exactly, am I saying? I guess it is that I'm frustrated about a school culture that allows athletics to take such heavy precedence over academics. I am especially frustrated that it happens to be the school that "everyone" wants in to. I'm frustrated that the girls (and other kids in their boat) don't feel like they have anyone they can express their anger over the situation to.

Make no mistake, if they did complain, it is hard to believe that anyone who could fix the situation would pay attention. Their team just took state, again. This year with a perfect record. Such a high school triumph gives a class bragging rights forever. Or at least it seems that way. ChrisW and I went to a high school that hadn't had a decent football team in a decade. And every year, for a seminary fireside, they would dig up some nearly thirty year-old to come and talk to us about what a spiritual experience it had been taking state in the mid-eighties. Really.

So I guess if my girls cared about football, or really lived in that community with the other kids, or were having a more "traditional" high school experience, then they wouldn't care for a moment about being immersed in a culture that glorifies a certain type of kid to the detriment of others. And make no mistake, even at schools where they work the hardest at keeping priorities straight, students with athletic ability end up with a (too often undeserved) lion's share of popularity and veneration. Sometimes because they work very hard, yes, but also because they were just born with a certain type of body or set of skills.

When our public schools go out of their way to further advantage that percentage of students already highly advantaged, are they really providing a free and fair public education?

Let's talk.

I'm Thankful for Old Friends, but Mostly for New Memories

The night of high school graduation, in the midst of the chaos of 700 graduating seniors on the football field and a threatening rainstorm, a group of 7 or 8 of us who had all been together through all of school ended up in the same place at the same time. Many of us had long-since drifted apart, but I think we knew that at some level we could all still count on one another. In just a couple months time, we would all be headed in new and mostly different directions. We were young and didn't know the terrible and wonderful things that awaited us over the next year . . . the next ten years. One of our group said, "You guys, no matter where we go or what we do, it will always be like this."

Uh . . . I might have been young, but I wasn't naive. And I was more than ready to move on.

My friend was right in some respects, and there were times, hard times, when we were there for each other. But there were other times too. Times that we weren't there for each other, and not merely because of distance. Some of it was by choice.

Then, through the miracle of Facebook, we learned that Pocohantas' mother died suddenly in a terrible car accident in October. (If you want to learn more about Pocohantas, see this post from a couple of years ago. It might be helpful because she figures into my posting every now and then.) Within two days the "old gang" was contacted and we agreed to get together for lunch the day before Thanksgiving. I think the death of our friend's mother, brought us together in a way that enough passage of time had not been able to.

I was admittedly nervous about the get-together. It has been many years since we've all seen one another. This was also my group of friends that I never felt I quite measured up to. I always felt like I was on the fringe of their group: student body officers, a head cheerleader, seminary council, a couple of amazing singers . . . you get the picture. I think I was best known through high school as the girl with a series of crazy hairdos in junior high, the one most likely to adapt a Saturday Night Live skit for an assembly and a charter member of the Save Our Earth Club. What mostly characterized my separateness from the group, however, is that I never had a boyfriend. These girls always did. And not just any boyfriends--the big men on campus types. The kind of boys who would never have even thought twice about dating my could-pass-for-a-chubby-12-year-old self.

If you know that Taylor Swift song, "You Belong With Me," you can pretty well peg exactly who I was during that era. Only the girl who was the cheer captain was also one of my closest friends, and eventually a roommate. Talk about awkward.

So why dredge all this up? Stay with me here.

Fast-forward to lunch in November 2009. The conversation was wonderfully thick with happy reminiscences of a time which so shaped us that we never quite put it behind us as we moved on. While we sat talking and laughing and sharing stories and marveling at how good we each looked, I realized something really profound: I am no longer intimidated by these women.

My feeling isn't based on any kind of comparison, they are each as wonderful and successful as ever. But being with them on that pleasant afternoon showed me that I have finally grown up enough to learn to just enjoy their company and their personalities without needing to prove anything to anybody. Without wishing that I could trade places with any one of them for any length of time. Without any petty jealousy.

Perhaps even deeper than my feeling of being totally at ease in the company of such old friends, however, was feeling completely devoid of judgment toward any of the women at the table. Our lives have taken a lot of turns and twists. In times past I have found myself highly critical of my old friends for various reasons. Perhaps you will think this sounds awful? I hope so: It means that you've already overcome this comparison obstacle, or that you never had to in the first place.

One particular friend, whose story I will not share the details of, as it is her story to tell, went through a few very difficult years. Partly as a result of difficult circumstances, and partly because of her own choices removing herself from those circumstances. As she and I said our goodbyes I hugged her and told that I was especially glad to see her, that I thought we hadn't stood by her very well in her difficult time, both because we didn't know how to, but also because we had just failed.

She smiled, a genuine smile of forgiveness, and said, "You know, I would never repeat the last five years of my life, or wish it on anyone, but it was worth it to be where I am now. I'm really happy."

You know, I would never repeat those high school years of my life, even the great parts. But all of the angst was worth it to be where I am now. I'm really happy just being myself. I hope we don't wait ten years before reuniting again. On that graduation night, when one of our crowd said, "It will always be like this," she was, of course, wrong; but maybe her sentiment has some merit. With your oldest and dearest friends it it always possible to re-connect. And while you may not pick up like no time has passed, you have enough respect and affection for one another to meet where you are at and love what you find.

Just Because You Are Part of the Chosen Generation Doesn't Mean You Don't Have to do Laundry

Last month at our Bishop's Youth Fireside the topic was "honesty." I can't exactly remember the context, but the speaker pointed out that Heavenly Father loves all of his children, regardless of the mistakes they've made; that he loves the righteous and the unrighteous completely and totally.

"He does?" said one incredulous teacher-aged boy, as if hearing this particular factoid for the first time. When the statement was backed up with an explanation and a scripture, the young man's response was still complete surprise, and, I hate to say it, he acted a bit gypped.

I'm sure that this young man has been taught the truth somewhere along the way. I'm also sure that fifteen year old-boys (and I'm sorry to say, maybe this one in particular) aren't the most compassionate creatures in the world. I'm also sure that you are teaching your children, grandchildren or nieces and nephews that just as they are children of God, so is each and every person they come in contact with. As much as this qualifier makes the words almost meaningless, each person is unique; each person is special.

We get so busy telling the kids that they are amazing, reserved to come to earth at this time and the strongest. spirits. ever, that we sometimes forget to be as forthcoming with the realization that with great blessing comes great responsibility and expectation. And not just with all that they are required to do. I think this is more about the internal achievements of self-control, empathy and sincerity. Who they become. Who they have the potential to become.

While I don't think I am teaching my kids that they are any more loved by their Heavenly Father than their friends or our neighbors, I realize that I have to be careful about my own behavior in this regard. I think as LDS people we sometimes see the world in too much black and white. Now, I'm not talking about what is right and what is wrong here, I'm talking about how we tend to categorize people as "righteous" or "unrighteous," as if there is some magic threshold you cross and BOOM you are righteous.

In nearly every conference, at least one apostle makes mention that the wickedness in our time is worse than in any other time. I'm not sure about this. (Follow me here before anyone protests.) There have been plenty of evil to the core societies throughout recorded history. Many of these civilizations didn't even have a Christian population to balance the more base aspects. Egypt. Rome. The Celtic era in the British Isles. Africa (various nations in every generation). . . . I won't go on, but you get the idea. I would much rather be alive now than, in say, a Hun-conquered territory. It may be true that certain states allow homosexual marriage, but it has to be better than burning sodomites at the stake in the public square.

This weekend I attended a neighborhood Christmas tea and cookie exchange that the ladies in my neighborhood host every year. It was absolutely lovely. The food was nice, the company was delightful, and I didn't feel a whit out of place. The women, many of whom have lived on my street for years, spoke about children now grown and the wonderful memories of when their kids were young together. Many of these women are new grandmothers, and spoke with true affection about how good parenthood had been for their children. A couple of the mothers closer to my age lamented fifteen year-old daughters thinking about dating and how nervous they were for this to start. Several expressed to me how glad they were that a family with young children had moved into the block, joking that it would be wonderful if they could "borrow" my kids for the holiday because they are just so cute. After a pleasant 90 minutes I came to the valuable realization that if I will step outside my front door a little bit more often, and not just to run over to the church again, then I could have a wonderful support system right here.

Yesterday in Sunday School our lesson was about the Proclamation on the Family. During the lesson there was much talk about the evil "out there." I don't disagree that there is evil. I also acknowledge that our media (which has always been at the extreme edge of what is appropriate) has allowed much into our homes that shouldn't be there. But I think that to separate the world into the people we know at church vs. what we think the world is based on what we see on sitcoms and the news, then we are limiting ourselves in both friendship and potential to do good. In one of the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black says to Harry, "The world isn't divided into Death Eaters and members of the Order of the Pheonix." He didn't tell Harry that there wasn't ultimate evil that should be fought, but he was counseling him to be careful about judging people without understanding their experience.

Our Sunday School discussion of worldly evil centered a lot on homosexuality and a re-definition of marriage. One sister, pregnant with her sixth, spoke about how critical "people" had been of her large family. But I bet there are just as many people who look at her and think she is brave and wonderful and cool. Maybe those critics are just the vocal ones. I have to believe that there are still loads of people--atheists, Christians, Muslims, Jews--not of of our faith who believe nuclear families are foundational to a functioning society, that unfettered sexual activity before marriage leads to heartache and baggage, that children are to be gloried and celebrated and that responsibility for your family should be at the top of your priority list. If I begin to believe otherwise, despair for raising my little brood will consume me until I'm afraid to leave the house.

Leaders of the Church, please warn and caution, but don't paint things with such stark imagery that I have difficulty looking to others with some measure of trust and faith. I don't want to be defensive when I approach somebody not of my faith. I want to see them as potential friends, mentors and sisters. (Or brothers, as it were.)

Our excellent teacher allowed people their various comments and incorporated them into a a positive discussion, yet at the same time she helped us see the "big picture" with this sacred document. Defining marriage, encouraging child-bearing and the specifics are only a part of it. At its heart, the Proclamation is about the love and responsibility we should have toward all of God's children, if for no other reason than they, like us are children of God. Obviously my husband and children should take my first priority, but I think I need to consider a little bit more closely who my neighbors are.

Our generation (or the one before, or the one after . . . ) might be "chosen," in that we are here at this time in the history of the world because we have been saved for a time of wickedness. But if I am to truly embrace this birthright with the humility it demands, then I must likewise choose to serve, love and do to the best of my ability. Or maybe better, trusting that the Lord can expand my abilities beyond what I can currently see.

Found

Remember this post? Well, yesterday I was searching my October picture downloads and the zoo pictures showed up. Because that makes lots of sense.

Anyway, either the download was bad and they turned out grainy or we were just having a picture day, but they really aren't that fabulous. This one is just for you, chrisw: