Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You Want A New Moon Review? I'll Give You a New Moon Review. Two Words: Team Jacob

Is it just me or does Robert Pattinson look like he is eating meth for breakfast, lunch AND dinner? Oh, and that he borrowed his dad's suit?

Don't get me wrong, there were definite highlights, the first of which is that Edward dumped the pea-coat. Ugh.

Secondly, I dared to wear the skinny jeans with the BOOTS OVER THE TOP OF THEM for the first time in public. (Up until now I've just walked around the house saying to myself, "What are you, a teenager? They just look stupid!") And then, rocking said look so hard that a complete stranger at the grocery store said, "I have to tell you; you just look so cute." Well, strange and forthright lady, thanks very much for making my whole night. Oh, and my hair was good. In Utah, I can actually pull off straight without too much work.

The next highlight was getting to hang with my sister and her friend. Though we were sitting next to half of Friend's Relief Society, I still felt a bit like we were out on the town.

Jacob's shoulders. Yes, Taylor Whats-his-name is probably on the juice/roids, but he really is kind of beautiful. His hours in the gym made for a shocking disappointment when Edward took off his shirt in some kind of weird suicide attempt. Apparently, Pattycakes is an adherent to the Kate Moss school of beauty. Right, we are doing highlights . . .

The supporting cast was good--Charlie's performance is spot-on and Bella's school friends are hilarious. I also liked the banter between the wolf-boys in Jacob's pack. Sam's fiance was perfect. The Volturi were good, and only outshined by their gorgeous city. I've always felt that this particular story really feels like two seperate stories. The life with Jacob and her bizarre Italy venture, but both settings were equally beautiful. The movie perhaps made that contrast between the two realities more understandable. Alice is perfectly adorable, of course.

The screenplay was true to the book, which is mostly a good thing (my own screenplay was rejected), but Meyer's best and most honest line from the whole book was left out. I can't even remember the context exactly, but Mike says to Bella that "girls are cruel." Bella's cruelty and her slow torture of Jacob is so apparent in this installment, particularly because of Taylor Thingy's very good performance. His anger and pain is much more compelling than Edward's Romeo complex and mumbled lines. Reading the books, I vacillated between Team Edward and Team Jacob and landed squarely with Team Darcy. After seeing New Moon, however, I have no more doubt about my loyalty. (Yes, yes, it is with Austen, but as far as the Twilight "Saga" is concerned, I'm all about Jacob.)

I won't do a lowlights section. All right, I changed my mind.

I nearly laughed out loud during several parts that weren't meant to be funny. This was not unlike the first movie. I wasn't alone in my laughter either. For example, Bella and Edward running through the sunlit forest looking as though they were headed for an Easter Egg Hunt. For two people meant to be uber-fast/strong/immortal/fabulous, they both run like they have two left legs. There were just moments during which I couldn't find that inner teenage girl. I wonder if I was ever that girl?

Did I mention Robert Pattinson's need to work out? Oh, yeah.

What about wanting to hurl rocks at Bella's head? That too, huh?

Why does Kristen Stewart flutter her eyes and shake her head when she gets emotional? ANY kind of emotional. Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know. Robert, personal trainer, check. Kristen, acting coach, check.

Who else thinks that Esme was wearing a Bumpits? (No, not Bum Pits. Check the link.)

I guess that is it then. The Christmas Day opening of Sherlock Holmes would be a blast. Robert Downy Jr. and Jude Law? Now THOSE are two men I'd like to choose between. Oh, and did anyone else see the preview for Writing Letters to Juliet? Now THAT is a romance movie set in Italy that I would LOVE to see. Who is up for a date?


Janssen said...

I love you for this post. And yeah, the running through the woods was so absurd, I wanted to weep. Or shake with laughter.

And Sherlock Holmes looks TERRIFIC.

Melanie said...

You've got to watch this:
♫ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM

Kimberly Bluestocking said...

"Jacob" is pretty adorable. Not enough to make me want to see the movie though. :)

Rock on with your boots and skinny jeans.

chris w said...

LOL - our theater full of fans laughed at the "easter egg" running scene as well.

I'd love to see you rocking those boots!!

Yankee Girl said...

I haven't seen it yet but your review is pretty much the same as what I'm hearing from everyone else--or at least everyone else who isn't a Beehive in my ward. I'm going to wait for all the Beehives and other screaming women get the movie out of their system before I head out to see it.

Jenny said...

You are my new idol for pulling off the skinny jeans with boots thing. Rock on!

Sunnie said...

love the review. i took jake with me and his response was- that was every bit as horrible as the first. i think those were his exact words. i found it entertaining, but still pretty cheesy at some parts. the theater laughed at the frolicking through the woods part. i think that the problem is they try to incorporate lines that sounded great in the book into the movie. because things don't come across quite the same in the movie, the lines sound dumb. and edward looks horrid without his shirt. agreed.


New Moon just made my Top Ten Most Terrible Movies of All Time List. It joins Master of Disguise and both Larry the Cable Guy movies. Congratulations New Moon!

It was so wretched that it couldn't even keep the attention of my two teenage girls who lived and breathed Twilight just a scant year ago.

Being faithful to the book is fine but dereliction of screenwriting duty is not. Could they not have written in some clever, funny moments somewhere to break up the continuous assault of long, drawn-out dramatic scenes punctuated with the most tediously maudlin music known to mankind? I seriously loathe Bon Iver. I also loathe Bella and Edward and their neverending sad facial expressions. MOST BORING COUPLE EVER.


Is it wrong that I was hoping the movie would take a new direction and that Laurent would just devour Bella whole and spare us another hour and a half of her moaning and groaning about how miserable she is?


One more thing, Lauren posted on Facebook how much she hated New Moon. She's getting blasted from all the girls and applauded from all the boys. Funny!

Dr. Fu Manchu said...

I actually enjoyed the movie. It may just have been that my expectations were so low going in it couldn't have been worse than what I was prepared for. I think what helped me enjoy it was seeing it with kids. I didn't take my kids to the first movie, but I watched it with them at home a few months ago. I was surprised that my 7 and 10 year old boys really liked it. They had no expectations and saw it as just a vampire movie. I was completely surprised to see my 7 year old jumping around imitating Edwards vampire "moves" the same way he imitates his favorite Jedi.
I had not seen the movie in that way at all. The boys were also impressed with the female vampires and how tough they were.
So I took them to see this one. We went during the day on Fri. so no lines and no crowd craziness although the theatre was still full. I went with the two adult friends I saw the first one with and two of my boy's friends about the same age as mine. They loved it. As soon as it ended my son said "That was awesome!" They loved the werewolves. My son said they are his favorite kind of werewolf now because they are so huge and look like wolves and not monsters. They thought the vampires were great. They totally got the romance part and didn't recognize the cheese.
I was surprised to find that seeing it with them helped me be less critical and made it just fun.
I still laugh every time my son imitates Edward's "moves" though.

tamathy said...

Hey that last post was me not my husband- Mr. Chu :)

Rainie said...

I'm totally up for a date with you in your skinny jeans and boots. When should we go??
(I need to say that I've been a Edward hater from the begining, I've never figurerd out what it is that everyone likes about him, looks, personality, its all gross to me)

AmyJane said...

Hee. You're funny. I saw it with my 13 year old sister and her friends over Thanksgiving. It was actually MUCH easier to channel my inner teenager while with a bunch of them.
Also, yeah, my mom and I were all freaking out about how we'd rather just go ahead and see Letters to Juliet instead. Now, preferably. :)

Caitlin said...

You are awesome for rocking skinny jeans. I just bought my first pair last week and I think I am in like with them. The YW in my ward are 100% to blame for my new fashion endeavor, they just dress so cute! Am I "that lady" shopping in the juniors department?!?!

As for "New Moon", I thought that Stewart's "blinking", although much improved from the last movie, was distracting. Jacob looked great but I never admit that publicly (until now) because he is sooooo young (but sooo good looking).

I am first in line for "Sherlock Holmes." RDJr.'s comeback in "Iron Man" was fantastic. I am not afraid to say that I liked that movie. Plus- his eyes are something to behold. Let's not forget Jude Law. Have you seen "GATTACA." 'Nuf said.

Caitlin said...

PS Bumpits are huge here in Houston. Huge.