Today I need encouragement.
I have a semester and a half left to go until I graduate.
Today I don't know how I will make it.
I pretty much want to crawl into bed and hibernate for the next six months.
This October might be the busiest I've ever had. When I sit down to work on my papers, I just want to lay my head down and sleep. My thoughts don't seem focused or coherent these days. I keep having all these bizarre thoughts. In my dreams I am frantic and constantly searching for something I cannot find, or I am perpetually late.
I've left no time for things I really want to do: things that make me feel good and charitable and whole.
I'm at a loss for what to leave out or delegate.
The rain. The election. The build up of massive amounts of work. The maleness of my surroundings. No time to write. Nobody to take my place.
And yet, saying it makes me feel so ungrateful. Today in the National Geographic I read a story about memories of sharecroppers in the eastern Arkansas during the Civil Rights era and before. Children in such abject poverty and treated with such cruelty . . . and I have the gall to say that I'm dealing with too much! I'm so very blessed in a world that is too often so ugly. Why, these days, is that not enough for me? I still feel that itching around the edges that wants to do something big and grand. And yet, at the moment, what I really want the most is to spend a day or two or seven in bed. Asleep. Impervious to dreams and troubles and contention.
If you have any stories to share about a time in your life that just seemed too hard but you somehow made it through I would love to hear them. Let me know what helped, what hurt, how you protected yourself. I am in desperate need of some perspective today.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
It's Not Political, I Promise!
But binders full of women? It is just such funny and bad phrasing. A slip, no doubt, but super funny. Will it have any outcome on the election? I hope not. I want people to vote on the issues they find the most relevant and important. I want voters to be truly informed and intelligent. But it was also really great to laugh. In a season when laughter has been sorely absent . . . yes, it was very good to laugh.
I hope you are registered to vote. We are so blessed to be free to vote as our conscience dictates without intervention from government or church. Even if you live in a non swing-state, or county, or neighborhood--whatever slivered precinct they say this election will come down to--please vote anyway. Just to declare yourself as a proud American. As a free American. And either way you vote, and either way the country goes, you will wake up a free American too. Let's not overlook America's great promise in the midst of so much rancor. Stand up and declare yourself and then work to make your corner of this great land happier, healthier and more peaceful.
I hope you are registered to vote. We are so blessed to be free to vote as our conscience dictates without intervention from government or church. Even if you live in a non swing-state, or county, or neighborhood--whatever slivered precinct they say this election will come down to--please vote anyway. Just to declare yourself as a proud American. As a free American. And either way you vote, and either way the country goes, you will wake up a free American too. Let's not overlook America's great promise in the midst of so much rancor. Stand up and declare yourself and then work to make your corner of this great land happier, healthier and more peaceful.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Other Things to Love
I did get past that first shocking 15 minutes of conference, really. It just seems like I didn't with all the other talk going on. I especially loved Holland (duh) and Oaks. More on that later. Just checking in.
Monday, October 08, 2012
My Joy is Full
I was much more prepared to serve a mission at 21 than I was at 19. The only advantage in leaving at 19 would have been that I wouldn't have met The Mistake, but I would have missed out on some incredibly formative experiences that shaped me as a person and as a missionary.
Having said that, however, I must admit to feeling over the moon about Sunday's announcement.
Here are some of the positives that I see:
1. (From a comment I left on Joanna Brooks' Facebook page today): My hope for the sister missionary program for many years has been that the stigma of sister service would be erased. I was so happy and zealous when I came home, but wasn't back in the dating market more than a few minutes when I came to see, with no small amount of horror, that being an RM was a serious liability for a woman in our culture. Because fewer women have traditionally served, and because of the mistaken impression that we are only supposed to serve if we can't get married, unfair and sometimes cruel stereotypes have persisted. This new age threshold will, I hope, stop women AND men from seeing the service of female missionaries as a barricade to marriage, and marriage and mission as an either/or proposition. The men don't have to choose; now maybe fewer of the women will feel they have to choose.
2. We have, as a people, too long said that the maturity and testimony that come from a mission can be gained by motherhood. Don't get me wrong. I'm not dissing motherhood. There are lessons I have learned as a mother that I'm not sure come any other way (just as the lessons that come from infertility or being single can only be learned in those circumstances), but a mission to me anyway, is, hands-down, the greatest converting experience that somebody can have. I think that more women than ever will now have this wonderful opportunity.
3. It is healthy to ask yourself if you will serve a mission. All of my friends who made it to 21 and went through this experience, either yea or nay, learned more about the revelatory process in their lives. It is one thing to say that "Sure, I'd like to serve a mission! If I don't get married first!" It is another thing to actually have to put your name on the papers and. It is true that the Church, as an organization, will not change their philosophy on women serving missions (not a duty, an option), but I think more women will ask the question in seriousness. That is a good thing.
4. Our congregations and families can only be stronger with more returned missionary women. . . just as they are stronger where there are more returned missionary men. I'm talking in generalities, of course.
5. More women will be endowed at earlier ages, which means that the endowment is more likely to be separated from marriage. I see this as a big positive.
6. No doubt the number of sister missionaries will increase, maybe even by a lot. This will possibly increase the number of missions and certainly the number of people we can reach. I think there will be a sudden uptick in the number of boys, but once the new age is the new norm then it will stabilize. Who knows how many sisters we could end up with??
7. On a personal note--the odds that my boys will marry an RM are much greater. Yeah! I'm partial.
It will be interesting to view and read the new Young Women's lessons. I am sure that the goals of being a wife and a mother will be as important as ever . . . these are enduring gospel principles, but I wonder if some of the emphasis will be more rightly spread to building and gaining a testimony, learning to follow the spirit and the importance of having a variety of good choices.
What do you think? If you served a mission, do you think it would have been better if you could have gone at 19? If you didn't serve a mission, do you think this rule would have changed your attitude about it? Will this change how you approach your daughters regarding missions?
Having said that, however, I must admit to feeling over the moon about Sunday's announcement.
Here are some of the positives that I see:
1. (From a comment I left on Joanna Brooks' Facebook page today): My hope for the sister missionary program for many years has been that the stigma of sister service would be erased. I was so happy and zealous when I came home, but wasn't back in the dating market more than a few minutes when I came to see, with no small amount of horror, that being an RM was a serious liability for a woman in our culture. Because fewer women have traditionally served, and because of the mistaken impression that we are only supposed to serve if we can't get married, unfair and sometimes cruel stereotypes have persisted. This new age threshold will, I hope, stop women AND men from seeing the service of female missionaries as a barricade to marriage, and marriage and mission as an either/or proposition. The men don't have to choose; now maybe fewer of the women will feel they have to choose.
2. We have, as a people, too long said that the maturity and testimony that come from a mission can be gained by motherhood. Don't get me wrong. I'm not dissing motherhood. There are lessons I have learned as a mother that I'm not sure come any other way (just as the lessons that come from infertility or being single can only be learned in those circumstances), but a mission to me anyway, is, hands-down, the greatest converting experience that somebody can have. I think that more women than ever will now have this wonderful opportunity.
3. It is healthy to ask yourself if you will serve a mission. All of my friends who made it to 21 and went through this experience, either yea or nay, learned more about the revelatory process in their lives. It is one thing to say that "Sure, I'd like to serve a mission! If I don't get married first!" It is another thing to actually have to put your name on the papers and. It is true that the Church, as an organization, will not change their philosophy on women serving missions (not a duty, an option), but I think more women will ask the question in seriousness. That is a good thing.
4. Our congregations and families can only be stronger with more returned missionary women. . . just as they are stronger where there are more returned missionary men. I'm talking in generalities, of course.
5. More women will be endowed at earlier ages, which means that the endowment is more likely to be separated from marriage. I see this as a big positive.
6. No doubt the number of sister missionaries will increase, maybe even by a lot. This will possibly increase the number of missions and certainly the number of people we can reach. I think there will be a sudden uptick in the number of boys, but once the new age is the new norm then it will stabilize. Who knows how many sisters we could end up with??
7. On a personal note--the odds that my boys will marry an RM are much greater. Yeah! I'm partial.
It will be interesting to view and read the new Young Women's lessons. I am sure that the goals of being a wife and a mother will be as important as ever . . . these are enduring gospel principles, but I wonder if some of the emphasis will be more rightly spread to building and gaining a testimony, learning to follow the spirit and the importance of having a variety of good choices.
What do you think? If you served a mission, do you think it would have been better if you could have gone at 19? If you didn't serve a mission, do you think this rule would have changed your attitude about it? Will this change how you approach your daughters regarding missions?
Monday, October 01, 2012
And Another Thing
So, in case you hadn't noticed I changed things up a bit.
Pros:
A change is as good as a holiday. (No, it isn't really, but we'll pretend that the Nomad in me isn't restless.)
I looked at probably 100 before I chose this one and I really like it. I am not sure exactly why. There was something that really touched me when I saw that leaf on the branch. It reminds me a bit of Joseph Conrad when he writes, "We live . . . as we dream. . . alone . . . alone." I'm not sure I really believe that the way I once did, but it still seems profound to me somehow.
I was able to put off working on my Master's Degree project proposal for a couple more hours.
The most popular posts automatically update to the top. Mine is from that haircut opinion poll from a couple of years ago. Inexplicably it has gotten tens of thousands of hits. No doubt it is related to the pictures I probably shouldn't have on there--stolen! from the Internet.
Cons:
The font is really tiny. Next week in one of my classes we are doing some html coding. Maybe I will be able to figure out how to go in and fix that. I would really like to.
I haven't quite figured out to do what I'd like with my pictures. I think I will have to make them all really big. The journaling screen is much wider than in my last template.
I lost my blogroll. I think I have fixed it, but if you aren't showing up there and you believe with all your heart that you should be then, by all means, make yourself known.
I feel a bit like Wesley in the pit of despair. Blogging has "sucked one year of my life away." Or more. I kind of can't help it. I think it is a compulsion.
There are no dates. WHY are there no dates? I started this whole blogging thing in an attempt to get back on track with some form of journaling. Isn't the date more important than the time?? Grumble. Grumble. Dag nab these kids and their fancy "technology."
Happy reading.
Pros:
A change is as good as a holiday. (No, it isn't really, but we'll pretend that the Nomad in me isn't restless.)
I looked at probably 100 before I chose this one and I really like it. I am not sure exactly why. There was something that really touched me when I saw that leaf on the branch. It reminds me a bit of Joseph Conrad when he writes, "We live . . . as we dream. . . alone . . . alone." I'm not sure I really believe that the way I once did, but it still seems profound to me somehow.
I was able to put off working on my Master's Degree project proposal for a couple more hours.
The most popular posts automatically update to the top. Mine is from that haircut opinion poll from a couple of years ago. Inexplicably it has gotten tens of thousands of hits. No doubt it is related to the pictures I probably shouldn't have on there--stolen! from the Internet.
Cons:
The font is really tiny. Next week in one of my classes we are doing some html coding. Maybe I will be able to figure out how to go in and fix that. I would really like to.
I haven't quite figured out to do what I'd like with my pictures. I think I will have to make them all really big. The journaling screen is much wider than in my last template.
I lost my blogroll. I think I have fixed it, but if you aren't showing up there and you believe with all your heart that you should be then, by all means, make yourself known.
I feel a bit like Wesley in the pit of despair. Blogging has "sucked one year of my life away." Or more. I kind of can't help it. I think it is a compulsion.
There are no dates. WHY are there no dates? I started this whole blogging thing in an attempt to get back on track with some form of journaling. Isn't the date more important than the time?? Grumble. Grumble. Dag nab these kids and their fancy "technology."
Happy reading.
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