To Do List

I think of all the things I would love to do if there was more time. I imagine in my head that if I had not gone back to work this year that I would have a delightfully clean house, three finished baby books, cupboards cleaned out and washed down, ironing always finished instead of piled up, my novel(s) finished. . . Both the ones I read and the ones I write, I would be at that target weight of 125, the yard would be weed free and my visiting teaching would be done by the fifteenth of every month.

I could go on but it is maybe better if I don't. I also need to remind myself to be realistic in these moments self-doubt and second guessing. An entirely different set of pressures and frustrations would be mine even as I accomplished my projects. I do have hope that next year will be better. There are certain, terrifying realities to being in your first year of teaching at a new school.

It seems that I used to be able to accomplish these tasks on top of my work, but it doesn't seem as possible anymore. Is it age? That my own children are busier? The distraction of technology? It is hard to say. I do hang on to hope that next year will be better. Maybe the workload won't be quite so heavy. Maybe there will be a slightly larger house to give us something to show for all our effort. Maybe we will settle into the new reality more readily. Maybe in the summer I will get to catch up on some of these projects.

Maybe.

Maybe.

But summer is already full.  Also, I cannot shake the feeling that I will be asked to teach physics next year. 

What would you do with more time. Or better yet, how do you carve out more time?