Friday, January 18, 2008

Wherin We All Had a Great Laugh About Mormon Culture

My sister in law just sent this to me. I haven't ever posted an e-mail forward, but I really though this was so funny:

If Mitt Romney became President of the United States (code name POTUS) won't we have something we've never had before -- a president who goes to a specific church? Other presidents belonged to religions that didn't have tight congregational boundaries. Now, think about this...

WHAT WARD WOULD POTUS BE IN? AND IF YOU WERE HIS NEW BISHOP, HERE ARE YOUR TOP 11 QUESTIONS!(plus more)

1. Will you allow an inaugural ball to be held in the cultural hall? If so, do you mount security cameras on top of each basketball rim and have a secret service detail stationed on the stage?
2. Can you call Mitt and Ann as the Nursery leaders... even if you really feel inspired?
3. Who is going to home teach them? Will you call someone who needs activation but may not pass the vetting and national security screening?
4. If Harry Reid and Mitt Romney are in the same High Priest group, will you need to be there to keep order?
5. Exactly how will tithing settlement work? Will the Secretary of the Treasury come too?
6. Will you be inviting the new Romney family to speak in Sacrament Meeting... and if they go over, at what point do you ask them to sit down?
7. Will the Secret Service do a sweep of the building before each meeting? And if the Romney's always leave before Sunday School, will the Sunday School President need to interview them? If they stay, where will you hold the class?
8. Can you call the Secret Service agents to help out in Primary?
9. If you give Mitt a calling and the two Democrats in the Ward raise their hand AGAINST sustaining him - partly out of habit - does the Supreme Court need to be involved?
10. If you can't give them a calling (job), and they don't attend very often (for presidential stuff) will that mean they're 'inactive?' If they're not active, can you give them a Temple Recommend? And if you do, can they go or will the Secret Service have to screen the temple too?
11. If the President wants to hold Sac rament Meeting at Camp David or the White House for security reasons, is that a conflict of Church and State?

NOW IF YOU WERE ASSIGNED TO BE THE ROMNEY'S HOME OR VISITING TEACHER...
1. Can you just drop by, no appointment?
2. Can you even call them for an appointment or do you have to go through the Chief of Staff?
3. Can you bring by Christmas sweets and cookies? Will they be analyzed? And for how many people - family, secret service details?
4. If you don't come can the IRS do an audit on you?
5. Will they want to do a national security background check?
6. Do you have to have a permanent companion who has been vetted or can you just grab any teacher or priest to come with you? And what if that priest has been a little wayward? Do you need to search him first?
7. Do you have to help him move in and out of the White House?
8. If Ann Romney gets sick, are you allowed to bring in meals or at least tell the Relief Society about it?
9. What can you share with the Bishop about the Romneys?
10. Do you have to ask them about their year's supply?
11. If you get a late night call for a blessing will reporters follow you around wanting to know what was wrong and what you said?

FINALLY, IF MITT ROMNEY IS ASSIGNED TO BE YOUR HOME TEACHER . . .
1. Is telling the group leader you haven't been home taught a national security breech?
2. If he wants to come at the end of the month, do you accept his reason, 'I've been out of town'?
3. Will he drop by unannounced or will the media crews give him away?

12 comments:

Yankee Girl said...

funny. My favorites were:

Can you call the Secret Service agents to help out in Primary?

and

Do you have to help him move in and out of the White House?

Apart from being funny, it would be interesting to see how it would work out if Romney was elected.

amyjane said...

Bwah-hah-haha!

KarateMommy said...

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing. I'll have to pass this one on to hubby :). I think my favorite one was "If you give Mitt a calling and the two Democrats in the Ward raise their hand AGAINST sustaining him - partly out of habit - does the Supreme Court need to be involved?"

emandtrevfam said...

Now that's good...

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I was actually having this conversation with some degree of seriousness with my in-laws over the holidays. The question there was about the temple. No doubt, there would have to be LDS secret service. Otherwise, the temples would be a target.

Someone on Nem's blog had posted that they didn't want a Mormon in the Whitehouse simply for the scrutiny that would accompany the Church. And if Romney (who talks like a Bush wannabee) was a bad president, how would that reflect on the Church as a whole?

All the rhetoric is pointless, though . . . after the mess the economy is in, does anybody really think another Republican can get elected? :)

on.the.run said...

Food for thought... and funny.

amyjane said...

I'm back to respond to the Bear Lake question. The thing is, it kind of depends on where you're staying, and even then you kind of have to make your own fun. That said, I'm going to assume that you're staying/camping on the west or south side of the lake, possibly even on the Utah side? Garden Cityish? Of course there's the lake which is made much more fun with the rental of even one or two jet skis and or a boat. I don't know what the funds are like but if people pitch in, it's fun to take turns water skiing or just on the boat. Also any manner of lake and/or sand toys are always good. Usually the beaches have a grassy area up high that have eating spots and such but you have to hike and or drive trucks down to the water since it's been so low the last 10 years.
Anyhow, there's a cool cave, like Timpanogos only less strenuous, called Minnetonka Cave. It's a pretty short drive (I think it's in Bloomington) and costs about 5 bucks a head. I think there's a group discount. There are also the Ice Caves nearby, which I have personally never been to but have heard good things about. If people are into it, you can drive into Montpelier (about 30 minutes away from Garden City, which is my hometown BTW) and go to the Oregon Trail Museum--it's cool and new and interactive and also about 5 bucks a head. There are also lots and lots of good hikes and mountain picnic areas up Bllomington Canyon.
Also, FYI, if the camping is full and or pricey on the south side of the lake, you can always try the east side--there's some pretty good camping spots there that often get overlooked cause the tourists head straight to the south and west sides.
Anyway, hope this helps. If it's confusing, you can always email me and we can chat some more. Good luck!

micah e. said...

Interestingly enough, Romney would be in the DC 3rd Ward boundaries, which is like my favorite ward in DC. I used to tutor some of the young men in that ward. It's an inner city ward with many people that live below the poverty line. It's an interesting concept to think that, if Romney were to become president, someone who struggles day-to-day to make ends meet could be sitting down on the same pew as our nation's highest executive. (That, or they'll just do a private Sacrament service at the White House, which completely blows my point.)

Girly Momma said...

i'm not much into politics, but this was kind of funny. i liked it. it would be very interesting if he was elected.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

The most disconcerting thing to me about visiting DC last year (besides the horrible state of the landscape around the monuments) was knowing that just miles from all those monuments to our freedom and power where policy is made that affects the lives of millions worldwide, there is some of the most terrible violence and shocking poverty in our nation. I couldn't help but think that if the Congressmen had to send their children to those DC Public Schools that SOMETHING would actually be done to better the lives of citizens in the area. There is a dreadful trend in our culture to see poverty as the equivalence of second class. Maybe all of the senators and reps need to get a pass-a-long card to attend the DC 3rd Ward.

Ashlee said...

That gave me a good chuckle, especially about the home teaching. Just for reference, I would like to point out that DC is heavily Democrat--looks like all those fantastic government programs are working. ;)

Kimberly Bluestocking said...

This made me smile.

STM, re: your question about a Republican being elected in a bad economy, a Republican with extensive experience might appeal to people for that very reason. It sure won Mitt plenty of votes in Michigan, which has one of the most depressed economies in the country.