I'm on a bit of a feminist kick lately, so this post and the next will all be related to the same thought process.
My use of the term feminist is pretty loose. I do believe that men and women are equal in that one sex is not better than the other. I don't, however, believe that men and women are the same. And while each person is an individual, I do think that some similarities can be found in members of the same sex. In other words, a woman can be a fantastic doctor and should be paid as well as her male counterparts; however, to say that she will practice medicine in precisely the same way that male doctors do is probably not true. She will bring her own gifts and talents, some of them almost uniquely feminine, to the job. Will this make her a better doctor in some ways? Probably. But it might make her a worse doctor in other ways.
All this set up is to say that I think the programs for boys and girls should be different. A decade ago I might not have seen it. But now I have boys. And I've been through a fair amount of college and teaching since then. It is hard to say if there are gender roles because we start kids off that way, or if there are gender roles because they are natural. But nevertheless, by the time children begin Cub Scouting and Activity Days, they've probably done a lot of normalizing into their gender roles. These are more powerful as they enter Young Men and Young Women. I believe, however, this should give us more instruction on HOW to teach the youth of the church rather than on WHAT to teach them.
Unfortunately, a recognition of difference in gender often translates to cooking and lessons on marriage for the girls and basketball and lessons on authority for the boys.
Such a terrible dichotomy sets up the Church for failure. In the short term AND the long term.
I spent a year or two in a calling that I loved called Personal Progress Coordinator. During that time many of the young women in our ward earned their award--it was right after they changed the age requirement and we got the girls early in an effort to help more of them finish the program. As much as the program has merits, I also saw many defects. I was thrilled when the new books (containing the virtue value in about 2010) came out, only to find terrible disappointment that while the cover had become pinker and the spiral was more convenient, the content was almost exactly the same. I also continue to find disappointment in the insistence that nearly EVERYthing in the book be accomplished individually.
In reality, particularly with the knowledge that many of our YW will now serve missions, the strength of PP must rival the Boy Scouting program. If Eagles become missionaries, then shouldn't the girls' goal setting program produce the same strength? Shouldn't their activity program do the same?
I think within the personal progress program parents and leaders need to encourage more creativity when helping the young women come up with projects and writing their own goals. Faith can be taught through summer of hard work in a garden. What better way to teach a daughter of God about the divinity of her own creation than immersing her in authentic and challenging outdoor experiences in discovery of God's creation? Individual worth projects should be focused on recognizing the worth of every soul--exchanges with sister missionaries, working with homeless populations, spending time volunteering at a day care. I think that everything that isn't required for knowledge should be focused on learning new skills (whatever they are) that a young woman is interested in. Carpentry, sports, car repair, sewing, cooking, study skills. Whatever. I think girls should also have a night where they can interact with women in a variety of careers. Or somebody that can help them navigate the complexities of college applications. A panel of returned sister missionaries (married and single) talking about the consequences of choosing a mission would be a fantastic activity for choice and accountability. Perhaps in the same category, a panel of mothers with young children from a variety of backgrounds who talk about both the blessings and challenges of parenting. Good works should be obvious . . . but the PP book suggestions are all geared toward child care. Why don't the girls go rake leaves and garden too? Community gardens are awesome places to serve. Part of teaching integrity is to help girls keep promises to themselves. What about a young woman setting a goal to run a 5K (or 10K or marathon or wherever she is) and keep a log of training and fitness routines? Self-mastery and integrity can be seen as two sides of the same coin. As for virtue, well, I can only believe that the whole purpose of the reading-the-Book of Mormon project built into that one is that if kids have a testimony then they will keep the law of chastity.
I agree with that. I can also see that much of the PP program is written with the idea in mind of helping girls learn to listen to the Spirit. But like the scouting program, I don't think that emphasizing the practical aspects of living the gospel could hurt either. This is why I think at least part of personal progress could be done collectively. The girls' activities could be more built around the PP program then . . . just like the YM program is built around scouting. The leaders might not feel like they are doubling up so much that way.
As to budget money . . . in our ward (and it is supposed to be this way in all the wards), if the boys OR girls want to do something beyond run of the mill weekly activities, they have to raise the money. But they can only do ONE fundraiser a year. Other than the expense of the awards, the activities budgets should be equal for the young men and the young women. Cubs and Activity Day girls may be different because the A.D. girls don't meet every week like the Cubs do.
It isn't just a financial problem, however. Much of it is cultural. A man will take a week off work to go to scout camp, but he isn't likely to take a week off so his wife can go to Girls' camp. There are also expectations that the boys are going to be doing things, whereas the girls are relegated to just making things. This can be corrected with leaders who are committed to giving girls a different kind of experience. I think it should be instructive that the current general Young Women's president talks about running marathons and backpacking. As women we grumble a lot about why things are unfair, but we have to be careful that we aren't perpetuating the stereotypes either. We want the girls to gain a broader experience than just cooking, but do we default to that mode because it is easier than organizing a camp out? Do we volunteer to babysit for our friend the Beehive advisor so she can take her Young Women to the coast for the day to check out the tidepools? As leaders do we assume that the girls won't want to take a ten mile bike ride because "most" girls don't want to do stuff like that? If our feminism is to work, it has to be an active sort of thing; it can't just make us grumble.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Why I Have a Testimony of the Scouting Program
I need to put a couple of disclaimers here:
I really am lumping The Boy Scouts with the Cub Scouts. My dad was a scout master for ten years and I have two brothers who are Eagle Scouts, but my oldest son has just barely started the Scouting program. Much of my belief in scouting comes from my leader-experience with Cubs, and from a mother-side of things.
From a leader side of things, I would say it is a difficult calling. The boys are demanding and are much better at doing than sitting. It requires creativity--or at least doing the homework to steal ideas from others. It requires a weekly commitment. The best scout leaders also follow up at home with the boys and parents to help them progress through the program. Good scout leaders plan ahead and keep track of what their boys have accomplished. The best scout leaders know the scouting program, carry a deep commitment to children, and have a testimony of the gospel. I guess it is no secret why the same people get pulled into Scouting all the time. The best scout leaders have very little pride, a great love for children, are organized and motivational.
Scouting's background is interesting and was born during the great Progressive era in the United States. Though progressives in our era tend to be more like liberals, the Teddy-Roosevelt-Progressives were very much into setting goals and improving oneself and their families, and believed that the government should pass laws to advance these goals as well. Scouting was a way for a young man to start off as a man-cub (and the Cub program borrows heavily from Jungle Book imagery) and eventually becomes a mighty Eagle. The accomplishments, taken one at a time, are highly doable, but when accumulated seems very grand indeed. The Progressives also emphasized the importance of the outdoors for its ability to spiritually and mentally improve humanity.
As a fanatical goal-setter by nature, the organized nature of Scouting is very appealing to me. (I also like the Personal Progress Program for the same reason. But I will address issues with young women later in this--or in another--post.) I like checking things off in the book and knowing what to work on with my kids next. I like the direction it lends to our parent-child, and even to our family, time here at home.
My oldest son is not a particularly athletic boy. And unfortunately, much of a boy's worth in our society, ends up wrapped up in those types of ability. It is really a body image issue all over again, just wrapped in a different package. But in Scouting, he has found a place that he can be enormously successful. He can work hard, both by doing and by study, and his "do your best" efforts are the thing that counts for the most. In our Pack we very strongly encourage the wearing of the Scout uniform and Jedi Knight was always so proud to wear it, covered with the accouterments of his hard work. This little scout shirt, covered in awards, pins, beads and, yes, even a little paint, is a scrapbook for the previous three years of his life at Church. When he put on his new, empty scout shirt for a Court of Honor a couple of weeks ago he looked at it and said to me, "I can hardly wait until I get to cover it with some of those merit badges." But I don't think that for him it is just about the stuff. He has learned that getting those badges and patches and beads and so forth is not easy. In fact, it is hard. But it is the hard that makes it good.
I also love the practical spirituality presented in scouting. I think that spiritual conversion is imperative too, but scouting teaches a boy that the highest honor of a man is to do real good for others--at home, in your Church, in you neighborhood, school, but especially in the community. In our selfish world, is there any better thing to teach a boy?
My last love of scouting stems from its emphasis on outdoor experiences. As our boys grow more technologically adept, but at the same time more distant from real relationships, removing them from the white noise and immersing them in God's creation becomes exceptionally important. Essential, even, if they are to gain any kind of spiritual or moral maturity.
Of course, most of this, the part about my son excepted, is an idealized vision of what scouting can look like, and what it can do. I am also a realist. (If you think idealism and realism cannot exist together I will send you an excellent treatise from Bruce Hafen to the contrary.) I have spent the last three years more or less immersed in the Cub program and two years working side-by-side with the Young Men scouting leaders. Problems abound. If the problems are too strong, it will likely make it difficult for the boys to be successful in scouting, or for parents to feel like it is important to participate.
Here are some difficulties:
* Leaders who don't plan ahead either for the individual activities, or for the boys' long term growth. Too many leaders tell the boys they love them, but then don't come prepared. Wasn't it President Uchtdorf who said that love was spelled T-I-M-E?
* Leaders who don't follow the program--I don't necessarily mean to the letter, or course. I think that Cub Scout leaders are as entitled to revelation as people in any other calling. What I mean is that leaders who want so badly for the boys to earn the stuff that they don't really make them fully accountable for what they are working on. This mocks the program for the boys that are really doing the whole thing, and teaches boys a habit of . . . whatever the OPPOSITE of integrity is. Again, I don't believe that every single boy in every den should be held to exactly the same standard because of extenuating circumstances, but I truly believe in the Cub motto of "Do your best." Too many boys are being allowed to slide through (scouting and everything else) with half-hearted and sloppy effort in some misguided attempt to build self-esteem. It isn't the award or whatever that builds esteem, it is a child knowing they have made an honest effort and good choices and believing that they exert a large measure of control over their own achievement. LDS Packs in our area have an unfortunate reputation for letting our kids slide through.
* Families not committed to helping their child succeed. The handbook is pretty clear about why Cub Scouting remains a part of the church--it has a very strong emphasis on family. As for why we keep Boy Scouting--Church leaders have often pointed out the high correlation between boys that go on missions and earn their Eagle. I think Cub Scouting can be a very positive part of any LDS family, but it has to be done routinely. I have too often seen situations where the boy has a month to go before his birthday and he suddenly does a huge surge of pass-offs. In that month I get six frantic phone calls from mom wondering how she, I mean junior, can earn his Bear badge or whatever.
*Striking just the right balance between spiritual growth, awards and fun activities. I think this is a problem in the Young Women program too.
If the scouting program in your ward looks anything like this, PLEASE address it with your leaders first, and then with the bishopric member over scouting or primary so that adjustments can be made. Just don't be surprised if they ask YOU what you would like to do in the organization. Consider carefully saying yes. There is no better way to get converted to Scouting than to be a part of it.
In an earlier comment about the Scouting program, it was mentioned that Scouting is unfairly resourced compared to Young Women. I absolutely agree with that statement, and plan on treating it more thoroughly in my next post, but I think this fact is a bad argument for not being involved in Scouting. It is a great argument for beefing up the Young Women programs. It is true that a fully functioning scout program is not cheap. But it doesn't cost any more per year for a family than putting a boy in seasonal sports or other types of lessons. I would contend that, when done properly, Scouting is as valuable as any other activity your son can be involved in.
I really am lumping The Boy Scouts with the Cub Scouts. My dad was a scout master for ten years and I have two brothers who are Eagle Scouts, but my oldest son has just barely started the Scouting program. Much of my belief in scouting comes from my leader-experience with Cubs, and from a mother-side of things.
From a leader side of things, I would say it is a difficult calling. The boys are demanding and are much better at doing than sitting. It requires creativity--or at least doing the homework to steal ideas from others. It requires a weekly commitment. The best scout leaders also follow up at home with the boys and parents to help them progress through the program. Good scout leaders plan ahead and keep track of what their boys have accomplished. The best scout leaders know the scouting program, carry a deep commitment to children, and have a testimony of the gospel. I guess it is no secret why the same people get pulled into Scouting all the time. The best scout leaders have very little pride, a great love for children, are organized and motivational.
Scouting's background is interesting and was born during the great Progressive era in the United States. Though progressives in our era tend to be more like liberals, the Teddy-Roosevelt-Progressives were very much into setting goals and improving oneself and their families, and believed that the government should pass laws to advance these goals as well. Scouting was a way for a young man to start off as a man-cub (and the Cub program borrows heavily from Jungle Book imagery) and eventually becomes a mighty Eagle. The accomplishments, taken one at a time, are highly doable, but when accumulated seems very grand indeed. The Progressives also emphasized the importance of the outdoors for its ability to spiritually and mentally improve humanity.
As a fanatical goal-setter by nature, the organized nature of Scouting is very appealing to me. (I also like the Personal Progress Program for the same reason. But I will address issues with young women later in this--or in another--post.) I like checking things off in the book and knowing what to work on with my kids next. I like the direction it lends to our parent-child, and even to our family, time here at home.
My oldest son is not a particularly athletic boy. And unfortunately, much of a boy's worth in our society, ends up wrapped up in those types of ability. It is really a body image issue all over again, just wrapped in a different package. But in Scouting, he has found a place that he can be enormously successful. He can work hard, both by doing and by study, and his "do your best" efforts are the thing that counts for the most. In our Pack we very strongly encourage the wearing of the Scout uniform and Jedi Knight was always so proud to wear it, covered with the accouterments of his hard work. This little scout shirt, covered in awards, pins, beads and, yes, even a little paint, is a scrapbook for the previous three years of his life at Church. When he put on his new, empty scout shirt for a Court of Honor a couple of weeks ago he looked at it and said to me, "I can hardly wait until I get to cover it with some of those merit badges." But I don't think that for him it is just about the stuff. He has learned that getting those badges and patches and beads and so forth is not easy. In fact, it is hard. But it is the hard that makes it good.
I also love the practical spirituality presented in scouting. I think that spiritual conversion is imperative too, but scouting teaches a boy that the highest honor of a man is to do real good for others--at home, in your Church, in you neighborhood, school, but especially in the community. In our selfish world, is there any better thing to teach a boy?
My last love of scouting stems from its emphasis on outdoor experiences. As our boys grow more technologically adept, but at the same time more distant from real relationships, removing them from the white noise and immersing them in God's creation becomes exceptionally important. Essential, even, if they are to gain any kind of spiritual or moral maturity.
Of course, most of this, the part about my son excepted, is an idealized vision of what scouting can look like, and what it can do. I am also a realist. (If you think idealism and realism cannot exist together I will send you an excellent treatise from Bruce Hafen to the contrary.) I have spent the last three years more or less immersed in the Cub program and two years working side-by-side with the Young Men scouting leaders. Problems abound. If the problems are too strong, it will likely make it difficult for the boys to be successful in scouting, or for parents to feel like it is important to participate.
Here are some difficulties:
* Leaders who don't plan ahead either for the individual activities, or for the boys' long term growth. Too many leaders tell the boys they love them, but then don't come prepared. Wasn't it President Uchtdorf who said that love was spelled T-I-M-E?
* Leaders who don't follow the program--I don't necessarily mean to the letter, or course. I think that Cub Scout leaders are as entitled to revelation as people in any other calling. What I mean is that leaders who want so badly for the boys to earn the stuff that they don't really make them fully accountable for what they are working on. This mocks the program for the boys that are really doing the whole thing, and teaches boys a habit of . . . whatever the OPPOSITE of integrity is. Again, I don't believe that every single boy in every den should be held to exactly the same standard because of extenuating circumstances, but I truly believe in the Cub motto of "Do your best." Too many boys are being allowed to slide through (scouting and everything else) with half-hearted and sloppy effort in some misguided attempt to build self-esteem. It isn't the award or whatever that builds esteem, it is a child knowing they have made an honest effort and good choices and believing that they exert a large measure of control over their own achievement. LDS Packs in our area have an unfortunate reputation for letting our kids slide through.
* Families not committed to helping their child succeed. The handbook is pretty clear about why Cub Scouting remains a part of the church--it has a very strong emphasis on family. As for why we keep Boy Scouting--Church leaders have often pointed out the high correlation between boys that go on missions and earn their Eagle. I think Cub Scouting can be a very positive part of any LDS family, but it has to be done routinely. I have too often seen situations where the boy has a month to go before his birthday and he suddenly does a huge surge of pass-offs. In that month I get six frantic phone calls from mom wondering how she, I mean junior, can earn his Bear badge or whatever.
*Striking just the right balance between spiritual growth, awards and fun activities. I think this is a problem in the Young Women program too.
If the scouting program in your ward looks anything like this, PLEASE address it with your leaders first, and then with the bishopric member over scouting or primary so that adjustments can be made. Just don't be surprised if they ask YOU what you would like to do in the organization. Consider carefully saying yes. There is no better way to get converted to Scouting than to be a part of it.
In an earlier comment about the Scouting program, it was mentioned that Scouting is unfairly resourced compared to Young Women. I absolutely agree with that statement, and plan on treating it more thoroughly in my next post, but I think this fact is a bad argument for not being involved in Scouting. It is a great argument for beefing up the Young Women programs. It is true that a fully functioning scout program is not cheap. But it doesn't cost any more per year for a family than putting a boy in seasonal sports or other types of lessons. I would contend that, when done properly, Scouting is as valuable as any other activity your son can be involved in.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Silver Lining #21
Today is the last in the series. There is still plenty to be grateful for, but it has been good for me to focus on the silver linings in life's difficulties this month. To find gratitude even in the stress.
Life just keeps coming at you, you know? There can be stress to be found on every side. Keeping everyone happy, encouraged and fed around here is pretty much a full time job. In addition to the all the average, everyday things on the schedule are the stresses from outside the home. Distractors. Voices that confuse. Pressures to be a certain way. To think a certain way. Some of these voices are loud and obnoxious.
While that might lead your thoughts in many directions, today mine are turned to one voice that continually gains traction with a very outspoken minority: the voice of non-belief.
I admit that faith doesn't come very naturally for me. Not long ago I was listening to a FAIR podcast where the author spoke about the scripture in D & C encourages learning by seeking knowledge out of the best books. He pointed out, however, that the first part of the scripture actually says, "And as all have not faith seek ye wisdom . . ." In other words, that faith is not a spiritual gift that come naturally to everyone, and that seeking wisdom until faith comes is entirely acceptable. This was very helpful to me: I studied a long time before I arrived at a testimony. Regular study of all kinds of knowledge is still vitally important to my continued growing testimony.
So, for me, the voice of the non-believers is sometimes kind of seductive. And then a thing happens like happened yesterday and I remember why I believe.
A family that I didn't know in Texas lost a daughter yesterday in tragic accident. Their son was injured too. I bring them up because it seems that many of my other friends new them. Girls who were just little primary kids when we lived there are now lovely young women with their whole lives ahead of them. This sweet girl was their dear friend. Their Facebook pages from yesterday include pictures of themselves with this lovely young woman who died so young and vibrantly. Their tribute words are full of faith and joy and optimism for a future still to come.
I also followed a friend's Facebook post to the blog of a woman who married a boy I knew in high school. Their only child, a daughter, died on Tuesday at just 18 months after a long bout of illness. Her little body and spirit had been through so much. Their final wish was that she not be resuscitated in the hopes that all her tiny organs might be donated and give a Thanksgiving miracle to families across the country this week. What will their prayers be like tomorrow? Her blog post tells me that her sorrow will be tempered with the sweetest gratitude a mother-heart can muster.
I don't understand why these things happen. I long ago stopped pretending to. I don't know what is and isn't God's will and I won't presume to say.
But I do know this. My belief in a benevolent God gives me remarkable comfort when such unexplainable things happen. I don't know how people get by without a belief in eternity. It seems that it would be very hard to get close to people because of the damage that would be left behind every time one of them died. As hard as it is sometimes for me to faith. . . it is so much harder to me to not believe. It is a place that is too lonely and dark and final. I just can't believe that sweet, lovely girl and that tender baby are just gone for good and for always except in memories. I'm grateful for belief that, even when it cannot give me answers, at least can give peace. As long as the deepest human part inside of us needs comfort, belief will persist. When belief persists, truth can also be found.
Life just keeps coming at you, you know? There can be stress to be found on every side. Keeping everyone happy, encouraged and fed around here is pretty much a full time job. In addition to the all the average, everyday things on the schedule are the stresses from outside the home. Distractors. Voices that confuse. Pressures to be a certain way. To think a certain way. Some of these voices are loud and obnoxious.
While that might lead your thoughts in many directions, today mine are turned to one voice that continually gains traction with a very outspoken minority: the voice of non-belief.
I admit that faith doesn't come very naturally for me. Not long ago I was listening to a FAIR podcast where the author spoke about the scripture in D & C encourages learning by seeking knowledge out of the best books. He pointed out, however, that the first part of the scripture actually says, "And as all have not faith seek ye wisdom . . ." In other words, that faith is not a spiritual gift that come naturally to everyone, and that seeking wisdom until faith comes is entirely acceptable. This was very helpful to me: I studied a long time before I arrived at a testimony. Regular study of all kinds of knowledge is still vitally important to my continued growing testimony.
So, for me, the voice of the non-believers is sometimes kind of seductive. And then a thing happens like happened yesterday and I remember why I believe.
A family that I didn't know in Texas lost a daughter yesterday in tragic accident. Their son was injured too. I bring them up because it seems that many of my other friends new them. Girls who were just little primary kids when we lived there are now lovely young women with their whole lives ahead of them. This sweet girl was their dear friend. Their Facebook pages from yesterday include pictures of themselves with this lovely young woman who died so young and vibrantly. Their tribute words are full of faith and joy and optimism for a future still to come.
I also followed a friend's Facebook post to the blog of a woman who married a boy I knew in high school. Their only child, a daughter, died on Tuesday at just 18 months after a long bout of illness. Her little body and spirit had been through so much. Their final wish was that she not be resuscitated in the hopes that all her tiny organs might be donated and give a Thanksgiving miracle to families across the country this week. What will their prayers be like tomorrow? Her blog post tells me that her sorrow will be tempered with the sweetest gratitude a mother-heart can muster.
I don't understand why these things happen. I long ago stopped pretending to. I don't know what is and isn't God's will and I won't presume to say.
But I do know this. My belief in a benevolent God gives me remarkable comfort when such unexplainable things happen. I don't know how people get by without a belief in eternity. It seems that it would be very hard to get close to people because of the damage that would be left behind every time one of them died. As hard as it is sometimes for me to faith. . . it is so much harder to me to not believe. It is a place that is too lonely and dark and final. I just can't believe that sweet, lovely girl and that tender baby are just gone for good and for always except in memories. I'm grateful for belief that, even when it cannot give me answers, at least can give peace. As long as the deepest human part inside of us needs comfort, belief will persist. When belief persists, truth can also be found.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Silver Lining #20
Skipped a day or two.
It is funny how easy it is to care about stuff that can really have no bearing on our personal lives. Like college football for example. I felt deep moments of real stress twice on Saturday. Once the outcome was great, the second time, well . . . if the word FAIL has context the Ducks game Saturday night would be the time to use it.
I'm grateful for leisure time to entertain myself. Our modern lives seem complicated, but as with the reason this series started in the first place, many of those complications we choose on our own. But along with those complications comes a lot of free time to make our lives into precisely what we want them to be. There is time in a life to pursue talents and hobbies and interests. We live in a time when we can do so much more with our turn on earth than to put food on the table and scrabble a living out of the mud with our bare hands. Most of us in the US garden for pleasure, not for necessity. We sew for enjoyment, not to clothe the naked. We don't just clean our houses we decorate them. Women can go to work for necessity or for a "break." This time in which we live is certainly fraught with problems, but it is also filled with marvelous opportunity.
It is funny how easy it is to care about stuff that can really have no bearing on our personal lives. Like college football for example. I felt deep moments of real stress twice on Saturday. Once the outcome was great, the second time, well . . . if the word FAIL has context the Ducks game Saturday night would be the time to use it.
I'm grateful for leisure time to entertain myself. Our modern lives seem complicated, but as with the reason this series started in the first place, many of those complications we choose on our own. But along with those complications comes a lot of free time to make our lives into precisely what we want them to be. There is time in a life to pursue talents and hobbies and interests. We live in a time when we can do so much more with our turn on earth than to put food on the table and scrabble a living out of the mud with our bare hands. Most of us in the US garden for pleasure, not for necessity. We sew for enjoyment, not to clothe the naked. We don't just clean our houses we decorate them. Women can go to work for necessity or for a "break." This time in which we live is certainly fraught with problems, but it is also filled with marvelous opportunity.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Silver Lining #16
I think one of the biggest challenges in my life is determining the best way to spend my time. I am a person that loves to be busy. Elder Uchtdorf's latest talk, however, has made me think a lot about "busy-ness."
Like, why am I so busy?
What is my motivation? Is it something really noble, like I want to spend so much time helping others that I say yes too often? Or is it something more prideful, like I need to be seen as so indispensable that I stay busy so I can stay important? Probably some where in the middle.
I don't really think I love to be busy, but maybe I do. I seem to usually be busy. Here is what I am grateful for in this trial.
I am grateful for generally good health that gives me the capacity to keep going and going and going even though I don't know how I can. I'm grateful to parents who taught me how vital and important work is. I'm grateful for loved ones who recognize when I am burdened and find ways to alleviate my stress. I'm grateful that I care so much about how "things" turn out. This caring how things turn out is so strong in me. Again, not sure if my motives are pure about that, but I'm glad not to be a person who is content to let the world around me fall apart. I use to wish I was more laid back, and still have enormous admiration for the people I know who can just go with the flow, but I don't envy it any more. I have just decided to embrace my own crazy and work with me as I am.
I'm grateful to be busy, but my prayer this holiday season as at all others, is that I won't be too busy for the truly important things.
Like, why am I so busy?
What is my motivation? Is it something really noble, like I want to spend so much time helping others that I say yes too often? Or is it something more prideful, like I need to be seen as so indispensable that I stay busy so I can stay important? Probably some where in the middle.
I don't really think I love to be busy, but maybe I do. I seem to usually be busy. Here is what I am grateful for in this trial.
I am grateful for generally good health that gives me the capacity to keep going and going and going even though I don't know how I can. I'm grateful to parents who taught me how vital and important work is. I'm grateful for loved ones who recognize when I am burdened and find ways to alleviate my stress. I'm grateful that I care so much about how "things" turn out. This caring how things turn out is so strong in me. Again, not sure if my motives are pure about that, but I'm glad not to be a person who is content to let the world around me fall apart. I use to wish I was more laid back, and still have enormous admiration for the people I know who can just go with the flow, but I don't envy it any more. I have just decided to embrace my own crazy and work with me as I am.
I'm grateful to be busy, but my prayer this holiday season as at all others, is that I won't be too busy for the truly important things.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Silver Lining #15
Kids can be so difficult some times. They are needy and noisy and they whine. You lose sleep over them from birth to . . . well . . . whenever. Parenting is, hands down, the hardest thing I've ever done.
But honestly . . .
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Silver Lining #14
Cooking is a pain, isn't it?
Every day three times a day. Plus the grocery shopping and the money. Plus snacks. Every three hours six little eyes open wide asking to be fed.
I'm so grateful I never have to let them go hungry. That there is food to cook and money to buy it. I'm grateful for the skills and the interest I have in the kitchen so that I can (sometimes anyway) take real pleasure in keeping everyone's tummy full. I'm grateful not to go to bed hungry. I pray for more capacity and generosity to help others who do.
Every day three times a day. Plus the grocery shopping and the money. Plus snacks. Every three hours six little eyes open wide asking to be fed.
I'm so grateful I never have to let them go hungry. That there is food to cook and money to buy it. I'm grateful for the skills and the interest I have in the kitchen so that I can (sometimes anyway) take real pleasure in keeping everyone's tummy full. I'm grateful not to go to bed hungry. I pray for more capacity and generosity to help others who do.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Silver Lining #13
The Internet.
A time-sucking way of life filled trash and avarice. But lest we think this cup is half empty, there is also so much more to it.
But I'm so grateful for on-line school and a community of friends that don't have to live next door. I'm grateful to stay in touch when people move far away and to feel like I am enjoying my youngest brother's children grow up. (He is really the only person in my family who does social networking.) I'm grateful for the space to journal that I've actually been consistent about and for the Church's wonderful website. For us, so far, the good outweighs the bad.
A time-sucking way of life filled trash and avarice. But lest we think this cup is half empty, there is also so much more to it.
But I'm so grateful for on-line school and a community of friends that don't have to live next door. I'm grateful to stay in touch when people move far away and to feel like I am enjoying my youngest brother's children grow up. (He is really the only person in my family who does social networking.) I'm grateful for the space to journal that I've actually been consistent about and for the Church's wonderful website. For us, so far, the good outweighs the bad.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Silver Lining #12
Friendships can be tricky sometimes. No doubt many you felt this in the recent election. It is sometimes hard to so fundamentally disagree without being disagreeable. And despite my best intentions not to be, I made the mistake of checking Facebook in the hours after the election and I was very snarky to a friend of a friend. I shouldn't have done it. I hope that you have done a better job of biting your tongue these last few months than I have, regardless of your views.
But friendships are also wonderful.
I spent the morning at breakfast (so long that we nearly had to order lunch) with the always-delightful TamathyC. We talked politics and missions and Church and families and on and on. We finally only parted because of two families filled with boys and husbands that have needs too. I'm grateful for her wisdom and humor and life experience. I'm grateful for her perspective that helps me evaluate the lens through which I view the world as well. I'm especially grateful that she is not the only person whom I could say all kinds of glowing things about. There are so many friends--old and new--that have changed and blessed my life continually. So many things about my adult self can be traced back to choice interactions, moments, relationships, outside of my family that have changed me for good and for the good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
But friendships are also wonderful.
I spent the morning at breakfast (so long that we nearly had to order lunch) with the always-delightful TamathyC. We talked politics and missions and Church and families and on and on. We finally only parted because of two families filled with boys and husbands that have needs too. I'm grateful for her wisdom and humor and life experience. I'm grateful for her perspective that helps me evaluate the lens through which I view the world as well. I'm especially grateful that she is not the only person whom I could say all kinds of glowing things about. There are so many friends--old and new--that have changed and blessed my life continually. So many things about my adult self can be traced back to choice interactions, moments, relationships, outside of my family that have changed me for good and for the good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Silver Lining #11
This goes along with my thoughts from the ninth--about living far from home. I really do love my community. It is kind of a strange place to live, but we have been here long enough that there is a level of familiarity that I'm so grateful for. I go to random places and see people I know from Church or school. We are part of an awesome community of parents in our schools. I love going to the discount bread store and seeing a sweet brother from church on his bike even though it is very cold. I appreciate seeing my neighbors and the patterns they have. Even the friendly homeless woman with whom I sometimes talk who seems to live at (or near) our local Fred Meyer, is somehow a vital part of our community. Yes, this place feels like home.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Silver Lining #10
The minutiae of life can be a trial. I think there is a degree of this in every life, thought I can't help feel like it multiplies exponentially as you add more children--more food to buy, cook and clean up. More laundry to do and fold. More places to run people. Budget to stretch further and further each month. More schedules to coordinate. More homework assignments to help with. It is a lot of work to keep everybody running, and it isn't unusual to spend all day just being "busy" for other people. I don't mean in the good way--you know, taking a meal to a family in need or feeling impressed to drop by and see a visiting teacher sister or some meaningful gesture--I just mean in the keeping everybody fed and nurtured way.
Yet, when I have some days in row filled with what can be minutiae, I am grateful. It means that we aren't in the middle of a major or traumatic event. It means that we are establishing patterns and habits as a family. It means the kids are eking out an education. So much of life is just daily putting one foot in front of another, even when you want to just sit in the path and sulk for a little while. It seems to me that gratitude for little things is what makes minutiae, if not necessarily important, at least purposeful. I'm glad to be the one who generally feeds and reads and helps. I'm not sure how big of a hole I would leave in other places, but at least here in my home I see that each of us fills a place that is vital and essential.
As I've thought about working full-time, I can't help but wonder, "But who is going to take care of all this other stuff??" The minutiae that is not necessarily fun and not always fulfilling, but it does hold us all together. I'm grateful for the capacity to do all this boring stuff, and the non-drama that lets me do it.
Yet, when I have some days in row filled with what can be minutiae, I am grateful. It means that we aren't in the middle of a major or traumatic event. It means that we are establishing patterns and habits as a family. It means the kids are eking out an education. So much of life is just daily putting one foot in front of another, even when you want to just sit in the path and sulk for a little while. It seems to me that gratitude for little things is what makes minutiae, if not necessarily important, at least purposeful. I'm glad to be the one who generally feeds and reads and helps. I'm not sure how big of a hole I would leave in other places, but at least here in my home I see that each of us fills a place that is vital and essential.
As I've thought about working full-time, I can't help but wonder, "But who is going to take care of all this other stuff??" The minutiae that is not necessarily fun and not always fulfilling, but it does hold us all together. I'm grateful for the capacity to do all this boring stuff, and the non-drama that lets me do it.
Friday, November 09, 2012
Silver Lining #9
I've spent most of my adult life rather far from "home." Sometimes this is a trial. Sometimes it is not. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it seems like more of a trial. We nearly always invite the missionaries, which I love, but this will be one year out of many, many, that I have done the whole meal myself. This is no small feat. More than once between now and Christmas my mom or sister will call to tell me what they are doing together (they live about a mile apart)--baking pies or rolls, making crafts, going to lunch--you know, the normal mom and daughter stuff. Sometimes it makes me so sad I can hardly stand it. Besides the emotional stuff there are the fringe benefits of living close to family: Cousins for the boys. The occasional night out because there are grandparents to babysit. Vacations somewhere besides Utah.
There are huge blessings to this of course. I've learned to be enormously self reliant. I have friends in their 40's and even 50's who have never hosted a Thanksgiving dinner. The elders always have a home-away-from-home here. Always. The boys appreciate visits from or to grandma and grandpa (either) so much because it is really so rare and special that it happens. I am mostly absent for any drama that occurs--inevitable in even the best families. I also am self-aware enough to know that my sister and I really do get along best when our face-to-face friendship is in measured doses and our phone friendship is frequent. My friendships outside my family have become very deep because I have so desperately needed them.
Mostly I've come to understand that "home" is really where my kiddos are. This is the first year coming home from summer vacation (Utah, of course), that I really felt for the first time that I wasn't leaving home again, but coming home. That feeling grows as the kids grow.
I can't pretend that I don't wish there was another woman around to share my Thanksgiving baking and my Christmas music with, but I am grateful for all the lessons I've learned along the way from adopted moms and sisters the world over. My life is truly richer for all of these women whom I never would have found if I hadn't left "home."
There are huge blessings to this of course. I've learned to be enormously self reliant. I have friends in their 40's and even 50's who have never hosted a Thanksgiving dinner. The elders always have a home-away-from-home here. Always. The boys appreciate visits from or to grandma and grandpa (either) so much because it is really so rare and special that it happens. I am mostly absent for any drama that occurs--inevitable in even the best families. I also am self-aware enough to know that my sister and I really do get along best when our face-to-face friendship is in measured doses and our phone friendship is frequent. My friendships outside my family have become very deep because I have so desperately needed them.
Mostly I've come to understand that "home" is really where my kiddos are. This is the first year coming home from summer vacation (Utah, of course), that I really felt for the first time that I wasn't leaving home again, but coming home. That feeling grows as the kids grow.
I can't pretend that I don't wish there was another woman around to share my Thanksgiving baking and my Christmas music with, but I am grateful for all the lessons I've learned along the way from adopted moms and sisters the world over. My life is truly richer for all of these women whom I never would have found if I hadn't left "home."
Thursday, November 08, 2012
Silver Lining #8
Work. Work can be really hard. I'm not talking about my mothering work, though that is very real and sometimes a trial. I'm talking about jobs outside the home. Yes, it is true that I quit my job as a paper girl in the summer, but besides expanding my tutoring hours, I also took a job as a TA for one of my professors. It was too good to resist. The pay isn't great, but the resume building is. I was the only masters student in the department asked to do it--the others are PhD students. I think I'm the only one who has ever really taught.
So why do it? The little bit of income wasn't absolutely essential. I quit my job in the summer for a reason, after all.
Here is the silver lining though. I really love to work. It isn't just about earning the money. It is probably because I feel like in these avenues of work I get a chance to use by best and most practiced talents. I feel natural teaching and interacting with students either in person or on-line. I am my best self when I'm helping others learn. My work with a long-time tutoring student with genuine struggles has been particularly rewarding.
I don't know what will happen with long time employment in the future. Sometimes the thought of getting up early every day to get myself and my kids out the door for a job is totally overwhelming and seems completely un-doable. But I also really feel that something will work out. Going back to school in this program at this time is the strongest bit of personal inspiration I've felt in years. There must be a reason for it.
So why do it? The little bit of income wasn't absolutely essential. I quit my job in the summer for a reason, after all.
Here is the silver lining though. I really love to work. It isn't just about earning the money. It is probably because I feel like in these avenues of work I get a chance to use by best and most practiced talents. I feel natural teaching and interacting with students either in person or on-line. I am my best self when I'm helping others learn. My work with a long-time tutoring student with genuine struggles has been particularly rewarding.
I don't know what will happen with long time employment in the future. Sometimes the thought of getting up early every day to get myself and my kids out the door for a job is totally overwhelming and seems completely un-doable. But I also really feel that something will work out. Going back to school in this program at this time is the strongest bit of personal inspiration I've felt in years. There must be a reason for it.
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Silver Lining #7
I know that many feel like their prayers were not answered yesterday. I'm grateful to believe mine was (see yesterday's post). And I'm staying off Facebook today.
My election day is doubly memorable because it is also the day that I found out my sweet little five year old needs glasses. Quite badly as a matter of fact. I guess not every really finding a proper pediatrician for the child didn't really work out for us. He may also need to wear a patch after the new year once we see how he reacts to his glasses.
But I am so grateful.
I'm grateful for insurance and benefits that mean we can afford for the Youngling to wear and choose the glasses he will wear. I'm grateful for a woefully underpaid school nurse who discovered the terrible vision in Youngling's right eye (which turns out to be an undiagnosed astigmatism he has probably had for his whole life). I'm grateful for sweet and supportive big brothers. I'm grateful for the way my baby handled himself at the optometrist yesterday. I'm grateful for modern life that lets us discover this problem instead of just thinking he isn't going to be smart enough to learn to read.
And, I've got to be totally honest. The glasses are adorable. He looks like that irresistible scamp in a GAP ad that you wish you could just put in your pocket and take home. Guess what? I get to. He was so compliant and sweet and cuddly yesterday, his still-chubby hand fitting so trusting into mine. I marvel daily that the Lord saw fit to send this one to me. And I'm grateful. Grateful. Grateful.
My election day is doubly memorable because it is also the day that I found out my sweet little five year old needs glasses. Quite badly as a matter of fact. I guess not every really finding a proper pediatrician for the child didn't really work out for us. He may also need to wear a patch after the new year once we see how he reacts to his glasses.
But I am so grateful.
I'm grateful for insurance and benefits that mean we can afford for the Youngling to wear and choose the glasses he will wear. I'm grateful for a woefully underpaid school nurse who discovered the terrible vision in Youngling's right eye (which turns out to be an undiagnosed astigmatism he has probably had for his whole life). I'm grateful for sweet and supportive big brothers. I'm grateful for the way my baby handled himself at the optometrist yesterday. I'm grateful for modern life that lets us discover this problem instead of just thinking he isn't going to be smart enough to learn to read.
And, I've got to be totally honest. The glasses are adorable. He looks like that irresistible scamp in a GAP ad that you wish you could just put in your pocket and take home. Guess what? I get to. He was so compliant and sweet and cuddly yesterday, his still-chubby hand fitting so trusting into mine. I marvel daily that the Lord saw fit to send this one to me. And I'm grateful. Grateful. Grateful.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Silver Lining #6
The election.
The never . . . ever . . . ever ending election. I don't think it will be over today. I sure hope that when there is a result it will finally be over.
And yet.
I am so grateful to have a voice. Albeit small and one of of many, it is still my voice. I am grateful to live in a country where I cannot be imprisoned for saying what I think, and for encouraging others to see things my way. I am grateful for our democracy even in all its messy, broken difficulty.
This talk was given by Elder Oaks in 1992. It is a wonderful discourse on our Constitution and how our founding fathers really put together our country. There is no one way of viewing these men or this process. Maybe democracy is supposed to be hard. That way we keep fighting for it.
I posted this on Facebook yesterday. Many of you probably saw it there. I was surprised at how large and positive the response was. If all or part of it seems worth repeating or passing on, please do. And share your own messages of solidarity on this day that has both great power to divide or unite our country:
I remember Election Day 2000. We stayed up late. And then later. And still later. After midnight we called it quits and woke up the next morning and the next and the next for many weeks, still without a president. In the end only nine votes mattered. My science classes that morning after were mostly suspended as I taught civics, trying to help my middle school students understand why Mr. Gore wasn
The never . . . ever . . . ever ending election. I don't think it will be over today. I sure hope that when there is a result it will finally be over.
And yet.
I am so grateful to have a voice. Albeit small and one of of many, it is still my voice. I am grateful to live in a country where I cannot be imprisoned for saying what I think, and for encouraging others to see things my way. I am grateful for our democracy even in all its messy, broken difficulty.
This talk was given by Elder Oaks in 1992. It is a wonderful discourse on our Constitution and how our founding fathers really put together our country. There is no one way of viewing these men or this process. Maybe democracy is supposed to be hard. That way we keep fighting for it.
I posted this on Facebook yesterday. Many of you probably saw it there. I was surprised at how large and positive the response was. If all or part of it seems worth repeating or passing on, please do. And share your own messages of solidarity on this day that has both great power to divide or unite our country:
I remember Election Day 2000. We stayed up late. And then later. And still later. After midnight we called it quits and woke up the next morning and the next and the next for many weeks, still without a president. In the end only nine votes mattered. My science classes that morning after were mostly suspended as I taught civics, trying to help my middle school students understand why Mr. Gore wasn
't the president even though he had
more votes. My prayer on election day eve is this: That whatever the
outcome, help me to be accepting and patriotic. Help me to love my
country and still be a bold critic of its policies when warranted. Help
me to know that it does matter if I vote. Bless the outcome to seem fair
and honest to the majority of Americans. Help each person who wants to
cast a vote to find a way to do so. Please bless the election to be
decided by the people and not two legislative houses relishing in the
most broken parts of our system. And above all, Dear God, above all, I
pray that this election isn't decided by nine people who already hold
too much sway by the immoral amount of money they have unleashed into
this contest. On Wednesday, I pray that we will use our passion and
treasure to move forward and stop splintering asunder. Our ancestors
fought to unite this land. . . please give us the courage to make good
on their promise, with malice toward none and charity toward all, let us
finally recognize the promise and become the United States of America.
Monday, November 05, 2012
Silver Lining #5
The Friday before last I woke up with that tell-tale tickle in the throat. It got worse and worse and then settled almost immediately in my chest. I've been hacking and coughing ever since. This hacking and coughing is, of course, the very worst between 9pm and 2 am. I've been sleeping on the couch ever since, trying to preserve both Plantboy's health and sanity.
Can there really be a silver lining in this?
Why, yes, as a matter of fact.
It makes me realize just how grateful I am for the good health I normally enjoy. My body will fight off this illness on its own; I have a friend right now dealing with cancer. It has made me appreciate Plantboy's tender attentiveness. I am grateful for the soup: just the smell of homemade minestrone is restorative. I'm grateful for my crockpot, and for frozen dinners. I'm grateful for kids that didn't act disappointed when I didn't show up for the Halloween festivities at school because I spent most of Wednesday in bed. This illness has made me realize just how much I did enjoy my regular-ish exercise when I was well and that I'm anxious to start up again. I'm grateful to Kleenex. Yes, being sick is not nice, but it sure makes me appreciative.
Can there really be a silver lining in this?
Why, yes, as a matter of fact.
It makes me realize just how grateful I am for the good health I normally enjoy. My body will fight off this illness on its own; I have a friend right now dealing with cancer. It has made me appreciate Plantboy's tender attentiveness. I am grateful for the soup: just the smell of homemade minestrone is restorative. I'm grateful for my crockpot, and for frozen dinners. I'm grateful for kids that didn't act disappointed when I didn't show up for the Halloween festivities at school because I spent most of Wednesday in bed. This illness has made me realize just how much I did enjoy my regular-ish exercise when I was well and that I'm anxious to start up again. I'm grateful to Kleenex. Yes, being sick is not nice, but it sure makes me appreciative.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Silver Lining #4
It isn't easy hustling the Jedi out the door for church in the morning. Especially if Plantboy has early morning meetings. Or if I have to be early to set up primary. Even on the smoothest mornings, there is a strong undercurrent of stress. As the election nears I'm also disheartened by some of what I hear at church. I'm trying very hard not to see politics in everything, though sometimes it is so overt that I'm upset.
But there is so much to be grateful for on Sundays. Maybe especially this Sunday. Last week was fast Sunday because today is Stake Conference. So not only is our start time an hour later than normal (hurray for a 10 o'clock start!!), but daylight savings seemed to give us an extra hour as well. Our stake conference is nearly always great, and I genuinely look forward to our Stake President's wry and poignant talks. This weekend, however, we will get one of those group broadcasts from Salt Lake City, which I love so much. I feel like I'm getting Conference twice in one month. Our last was one of the most wonderful and relevant church meetings I have ever attended.
I'm grateful for a day when I can say "no" to so many things, but "yes" to lots of lovely ones. I'm grateful for the roast I will put in the crockpot today. And the letter I will write. And the people I will visit.
And, in response to my stressor at the beginning: I know that it would be easier to get just myself off to Church in the morning, but please don't mistake me. One of my happiest moments of the week is sitting with four such handsome men on the bench each Sunday singing at the top of my lungs in praise of such a merciful Father in Heaven. I'm grateful for a husband who doesn't need me to drag him out the door to go to church each week. I'm grateful for sons who come to church willingly and without complaint. I'm grateful that against all odds (for I was such an oddball) that it was one of my blessings to find such a marriage in this life. He is my true partner.
But there is so much to be grateful for on Sundays. Maybe especially this Sunday. Last week was fast Sunday because today is Stake Conference. So not only is our start time an hour later than normal (hurray for a 10 o'clock start!!), but daylight savings seemed to give us an extra hour as well. Our stake conference is nearly always great, and I genuinely look forward to our Stake President's wry and poignant talks. This weekend, however, we will get one of those group broadcasts from Salt Lake City, which I love so much. I feel like I'm getting Conference twice in one month. Our last was one of the most wonderful and relevant church meetings I have ever attended.
I'm grateful for a day when I can say "no" to so many things, but "yes" to lots of lovely ones. I'm grateful for the roast I will put in the crockpot today. And the letter I will write. And the people I will visit.
And, in response to my stressor at the beginning: I know that it would be easier to get just myself off to Church in the morning, but please don't mistake me. One of my happiest moments of the week is sitting with four such handsome men on the bench each Sunday singing at the top of my lungs in praise of such a merciful Father in Heaven. I'm grateful for a husband who doesn't need me to drag him out the door to go to church each week. I'm grateful for sons who come to church willingly and without complaint. I'm grateful that against all odds (for I was such an oddball) that it was one of my blessings to find such a marriage in this life. He is my true partner.
Saturday, November 03, 2012
Silver Lining #3
I got sick over a week ago, but it had been on my schedule for a month to attend the temple. I didn't want to miss out, so feeling lousy I got in the car and went. Temple-going here is pretty much an all day proposition by the time you add the drive, the almost compulsory stop at Deseret Book, and Panera for lunch. It was a long day. I came home exhausted, with homework for the week still to finish and a handful of needy Jedi.
And yet . . .
I'm so grateful for sacred spaces.
Nothing earth-shattering happened when I was in the temple this week. I doubt very much that I've done the necessary personal preparation to have much revelation, but I am deeply grateful for the chance to be there. Life is noisy and busy and messy. Modern life insists that we be constantly connected to others. Even the most beautiful places (some of which I had the pleasure to see this summer), are often crowded with other acolytes hoping to get away from the noise and the bustle, only to bring it with them. But the temple is not like that. Noise in the temple is generally related to joyous and reverent familial embraces and the BEST moments of your life. Quiet in the temple is sublime and transcendent.
Hopefully you didn't notice, but once again our temple ceremony is receiving some ugly press. It makes me sad to think that sacredness is so maligned, and that more people don't recognize the need to find contemplative, quiet places where we might commit to be better humans and to work harder to bless the lives of others. The building of small temples has blessed hundreds of communities: I would maintain that it has done so even for those who never enter those doors. For the people go to the temple to make covenants, but they go home to keep them. As personal as the covenants are, we can only truly magnify our promises in our treatment to others.
The scriptures tell us that our homes should equal the temple in sacredness. Maybe the silver lining found in the minutae of home life should be the subject for tomorrow.
And yet . . .
I'm so grateful for sacred spaces.
Nothing earth-shattering happened when I was in the temple this week. I doubt very much that I've done the necessary personal preparation to have much revelation, but I am deeply grateful for the chance to be there. Life is noisy and busy and messy. Modern life insists that we be constantly connected to others. Even the most beautiful places (some of which I had the pleasure to see this summer), are often crowded with other acolytes hoping to get away from the noise and the bustle, only to bring it with them. But the temple is not like that. Noise in the temple is generally related to joyous and reverent familial embraces and the BEST moments of your life. Quiet in the temple is sublime and transcendent.
Hopefully you didn't notice, but once again our temple ceremony is receiving some ugly press. It makes me sad to think that sacredness is so maligned, and that more people don't recognize the need to find contemplative, quiet places where we might commit to be better humans and to work harder to bless the lives of others. The building of small temples has blessed hundreds of communities: I would maintain that it has done so even for those who never enter those doors. For the people go to the temple to make covenants, but they go home to keep them. As personal as the covenants are, we can only truly magnify our promises in our treatment to others.
The scriptures tell us that our homes should equal the temple in sacredness. Maybe the silver lining found in the minutae of home life should be the subject for tomorrow.
Friday, November 02, 2012
Silver Lining #2
My current calling has been a trial.
This one has stretched me to the limit. It think it is mostly because it came right when my schooling became demanding. It also came after just a six week reprieve from being in another presidency. My husband has been EQ president the whole time as well. Because of the scouting responsibilities associated with my primary calling, the work seems never-ending. Admittedly, it also seems rather unbalanced too. Like the difference between being the education counselor and being the enrichment (or whatever) counselor in Relief Society. Scouting and primary are forever short-staffed and sometimes feel like I'm butting my head with non-handbook traditions that can't seem to go away even when logic dictates they should. When you have a smallish primary, you need almost as many people to run Cubs and 11 year old scouts as you have children.
The Silver Lining.
Our Cubs program is getting better all the time. Our leaders are good and committed. At last week's Pack meeting nearly every boy got an award and each kid was in uniform, mostly with their awards attached. This program has been greatly beneficial. to Jedi Knight, who just graduated last week. Our Webelos and 11 year old leaders did such a good job that his Arrow of Light ceremony and Crossing Over were truly memorable and meant a lot to him. He was even a little emotional about "growing up." I know I was. I have a testimony of the Scouting program and what it can do for boys, and I have another one starting up in December. Scouting, and my involvement in it, has been a huge blessing in their lives. Now I'm off to the grocery store to get ingredients for foil dinners so that Jedi Knight can go on his first scouting camp out tonight.
This one has stretched me to the limit. It think it is mostly because it came right when my schooling became demanding. It also came after just a six week reprieve from being in another presidency. My husband has been EQ president the whole time as well. Because of the scouting responsibilities associated with my primary calling, the work seems never-ending. Admittedly, it also seems rather unbalanced too. Like the difference between being the education counselor and being the enrichment (or whatever) counselor in Relief Society. Scouting and primary are forever short-staffed and sometimes feel like I'm butting my head with non-handbook traditions that can't seem to go away even when logic dictates they should. When you have a smallish primary, you need almost as many people to run Cubs and 11 year old scouts as you have children.
The Silver Lining.
Our Cubs program is getting better all the time. Our leaders are good and committed. At last week's Pack meeting nearly every boy got an award and each kid was in uniform, mostly with their awards attached. This program has been greatly beneficial. to Jedi Knight, who just graduated last week. Our Webelos and 11 year old leaders did such a good job that his Arrow of Light ceremony and Crossing Over were truly memorable and meant a lot to him. He was even a little emotional about "growing up." I know I was. I have a testimony of the Scouting program and what it can do for boys, and I have another one starting up in December. Scouting, and my involvement in it, has been a huge blessing in their lives. Now I'm off to the grocery store to get ingredients for foil dinners so that Jedi Knight can go on his first scouting camp out tonight.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
Silver Lining #1
You are all quite wonderful, you know. Each of your comments helped me in some way. Coming down with a massive head cold last weekend, unfortunately, did not. Though it has forced me to park it for a few days.
I think Cathy explained it very well for a couple of reasons. Yes, most of my trials right now are things that I have chosen. And, also yes, I have chosen these things for a reason. That magnificent silver lining that is the mirror side of these trials.
Many bloggers do the "gratitude challenge." I don't think I ever have. This year I think I will do my own take on it. I am going to look at the things right now that stress me and reflect on what the silver lining is, and why, as Cathy so eloquently put it, I would probably pick it up again if it was absent from my life.
Today's trial is my Project Proposal.
This is the rather massive paper (and the accompanying project) I must complete to be awarded my master's degree. The problem is that I had to begin the project now because of my classroom-less state. To get the requisite hours I need a longer amount of time.
My project involves me teaching 4th grade science. I chose 4th grade because I don't have any children in that grade and it was a little easier to garner more respect that way. There is an extra classroom at the school near the fourth grade rooms that we have converted into a science lab. I've been there nearly every day since last Monday from the time my kids leave for school until about 11 or 12. Needless to say, this has been a serious drain on my homework time!
The silver lining.
The kids are so happy and engaged and learning. My new lessons have been enormously successful and our new principal is ecstatic and given us a lot of leeway with the budget. He has taken pictures and video for the school's website and one of the teachers has linked content for parents to view at home. The principles I've learned at university are really working and I feel like I'm a better teacher than I've ever been. Plus, when you teach for free, everyone loves you. I've never felt such a ridiculous amount of gratitude from colleagues, parents or kids. And fourth graders give hugs on the playground. Who knew?
I think Cathy explained it very well for a couple of reasons. Yes, most of my trials right now are things that I have chosen. And, also yes, I have chosen these things for a reason. That magnificent silver lining that is the mirror side of these trials.
Many bloggers do the "gratitude challenge." I don't think I ever have. This year I think I will do my own take on it. I am going to look at the things right now that stress me and reflect on what the silver lining is, and why, as Cathy so eloquently put it, I would probably pick it up again if it was absent from my life.
Today's trial is my Project Proposal.
This is the rather massive paper (and the accompanying project) I must complete to be awarded my master's degree. The problem is that I had to begin the project now because of my classroom-less state. To get the requisite hours I need a longer amount of time.
My project involves me teaching 4th grade science. I chose 4th grade because I don't have any children in that grade and it was a little easier to garner more respect that way. There is an extra classroom at the school near the fourth grade rooms that we have converted into a science lab. I've been there nearly every day since last Monday from the time my kids leave for school until about 11 or 12. Needless to say, this has been a serious drain on my homework time!
The silver lining.
The kids are so happy and engaged and learning. My new lessons have been enormously successful and our new principal is ecstatic and given us a lot of leeway with the budget. He has taken pictures and video for the school's website and one of the teachers has linked content for parents to view at home. The principles I've learned at university are really working and I feel like I'm a better teacher than I've ever been. Plus, when you teach for free, everyone loves you. I've never felt such a ridiculous amount of gratitude from colleagues, parents or kids. And fourth graders give hugs on the playground. Who knew?
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